Hazel's Story

drumroll please...
(be careful... this is LONG)

Hazel’s Story

It had been a week since Funny Dr. Man had told me I’d “have the baby in the next few days.” As many of you know from reading the blog – I was getting more & more excited to meet our baby, and more & more weary of people asking “any baby yet?” and “where’s the baby?” As if I had something to do with the timing of our little one’s arrival. (And for the record, we tried pretty much everything that’s supposed to “jump start” labor – except the castor oil. The side effects of that one were enough to keep me away…)

The morning of Friday the 15^th, I woke up feeling completely normal, which was disappointing, given that I’d felt a lot of downward pressure the night before, and was hoping those would amount to something. It seemed like just another day – Mark went to work, I got up & showered. It was a little after 8:00am and I was just sitting down to the computer to figure out a new & unique way to announce to my bloggie world that there was still no Little B when my contractions started.

I’d had contractions off and on all week long – never intense or regular, but enough to be noticed. This one was different. It was tighter and much more crampy-feeling than the others. I made a mental note of the time, then kept putzing around – although I (happily) delayed writing the blog post for the day.

By 9:00am I’d had 5 regular contractions – and I decided it was time to call Mark. His office is only about 7 miles away, so there was no big rush – but I figured it was fair to warn him that he may be on his way to becoming a daddy. (Plus Funny Dr. Man had warned against waiting around the house too long once the contractions began to be regular). Mark had had a big conference the day before (we were happy no baby decided to come while he was 2.5 hours away!), so he was still unloading all the conference materials from his car when I called.

K: Hey – I think you made need to come home sometime today… I’ve had 5 contractions in the last 45 minutes. I think things may be getting started.
M: Ok – I’m still unloading the car. I’ll finish up here, and give you a call back to see how you’re doing. Is that okay?
K: Sure.

(ten minutes later)
K: (answering the phone in the middle of a contraction) Come home.
M: I’m on my way.
K: Okay.

Three words… that was all I could get out at the time, laying face down on our bed. (It’s funny that at that point, I thought the contractions took some focus to get through…)

Mark got home, we gathered our bags, put the car seat in the car, and headed out the door. On the way, I asked Mark to call my doctor’s office to cancel my appointment for that morning, and let them know that we’d be going to the hospital to have a baby instead. He asked who was on call – and Cool Dr. Lady (my favorite!) turned out to be the one on for the whole weekend. I was thrilled, and Mark was thrilled for me. We got to the hospital a bit after 10:00am, and were checked into a triage room by 10:30.

Our nurse Aimee was the first person to get us settled in – she hooked me up to the monitors and let me know a doctor would be in to check my progress soon. A few minutes and a quick exam later revealed that I was 100% effaced and 7cm dilated. The doctor was pretty surprised – he said that I “looked like I was in labor, but I was handling things so well that he figured I was only at 3 or 4 cm.” I took that as a compliment, and was happy to hear that he thought I was in excellent position to deliver this baby naturally.

We’d taken a natural childbirth class through the local birth center in preparation for our little one’s arrival, but still opted to have the baby at the hospital (first time jitters). I knew that I didn’t want drugs, I didn’t want to have an IV, and I didn’t want to be hooked up to fetal monitors more than was absolutely necessary. I wanted freedom to move, walk, and basically do what I needed to do to get through labor. The hospital staff was really accommodating – they placed a hep lock in my arm (in case I needed an IV quickly) and told me they’d take the monitors off as soon as the baby settled into a heart rhythm they were comfortable with. (They wanted to see her heartbeat peak with each contraction, and in the beginning, it would dip just a tiny bit). I was moved to a labor & delivery room… and the game was truly on.

After about an hour, baby’s heartbeat evened out and they took me off the monitor (which was great – I’d been pacing a 5ft diameter circle, and was happy to have more mobility). It seemed that each time they checked me, I was making good progress – 7.5 cm (11:30), 8cm (12:30), 9cm (1:30)… and Mark was great. For the most part, he left me to be “in the zone” but was ready to do anything I needed. By 2:00 I was almost completely dilated, except for a little lip on the right side. My doctor was called in to the hospital, and once she checked me out, she decided it would be a good idea to break my water and move things along. (I tell you what – that warm gush is a weird feeling…) The contractions had been pretty intense for awhile – I felt nauseous and dizzy when they came, but they were manageable as long as I was upright and focused. Of course, breaking the water ramped things up another notch, and I spent the last hour before pushing lying on my right side on the bed (the nurse said it may help with getting the last bit of cervix out of the way). I pulled a page out of the Bradley method book, and focused all my energy on relaxing every part of my body so that the contractions could be totally effective. I breathed slowly, kept my eyes closed, and didn’t say a word. Mark kept a cool washcloth on my neck and forehead, and ran his fingers through my hair. It was incredible to feel his silent, strong support.

By a little after 3:00 I was ready to push – and a whole crew piled into the room (Cool Dr. Lady, Nurse Aimee, Nursing Student Bridget, OB Resident Gal, and Med Student Gal) to get things rolling. I’d met them all throughout the day – and my absolute only complaint was that the 2 students were a little intrusive in their desire to be helpful. Other than that – the staff was fabulous. Absolutely fabulous.

Initially, pushing was tiring and a little embarrassing (hanging out with your legs in the air and your rear end on display to a room full of people) – and it was a funny mix of Feeling Good to be Doing Something Other Than Surviving Contractions and Oh My This Hurts a Lot. However – once the baby’s head was getting closer to crowning – the embarrassment factor totally disappeared, and my whole mind was consumed with pushing her out. The minutes and pushes while she was crowning were more intense than anything I’d experienced before. But the feeling I got the moment her head was out was absolutely incredible. Relief. Awe. Accomplishment. The rest of her (not so) little body was a piece of cake, and suddenly there was a warm, wet little person laying on my chest. Her cry was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. (I might not quite say that now, after 2 weeks *smile*).

Hazel joined us at 3:53pm on February 15, 2008. She weighed 9 pounds 1 ounce and was 23 inches long. God was so faithful to us – His strength got me through delivery naturally, and I was able to bring our daughter into the world with no medication or intervention (other than breaking my water). He kept us both healthy and safe – and He continues to do so.

The past two weeks have been full – full of people loving on her and on us, full of joy, full of moments where I think “Am I really this blessed?”, full of growth, full of frustrations, triumphs, tears, and victories. My head and my heart are still reeling, and my emotions still overcome me from time to time. And though Life With My Husband AND My Daughter is incredibly different from Life With My Husband – it’s a good different. We are so blessed.

new respect

This new job I have... "Mama" - is so much more than I could have imagined.
More rewarding.
More difficult.
More full of precious little moments.
More monotonous.
More overwhelming.
More joyful.
So. Much. More.

It's kind of wild. I'm overcome by how much I love this new little lady in my life. I absolutely adore watching my husband love her. I feel like I'm re-learning how to take care of myself and my home - to be dressed before 9:00am (like I am today) is such an accomplishment.
I do, also, have a new respect for blogging Mamas. I've been meaning to post for AGES - and although I can catch a few minutes to type up part of a post - it seems nigh impossible to actually finish one! (the birth story is almost done, by the way... hopefully it will be up soon!)
It's only my second day "on the job" since Mark was home with me most of last week - and the "task" part isn't too overwhelming. Right now, I'm trying to deal with this new identity I have. It's as if someone switched me overnight - from a person I knew very well, into someone I am just getting to know. It's a little scary, and cool at the same time... I'm still not quite sure what to make of it. One thing I do know - God is at work here. And all will go even more smoothly if I simply let Him work.

for now

Here are some pictures - the story is still coming! This new Mama is realizing how quickly the hours slip by with a newborn in the house! :) Enjoy these pics of our little lady!
Hazel - about to head home from the hospital:












Hazel, playing on the living room floor:

baby baby baby!!

On Friday, February 15th at 3:53pm, Mark and I welcomed our baby daughter, Hazel Maryn. Our "little" girl came in at 9lb 1oz and 23 inches long!
A more detailed birth story is to come - we have been home since Saturday evening and are doing very well. Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes - God has truly been sooo faithful to us through this experience!!

l-o-v-e

Happy Valentine's Day!
(nope, no baby yet!)
:)

running out of ways to say it (UPDATED for Anonymous)

Still no Baby B.
I have, however, crocheted a baby blanket, made 31 thank-you cards in anticipation of needing to thank people for various things in the coming weeks, crocheted a baby hat, done more laundry, and made another meal for the freezer. I would keep going, but there's basically no room left in the freezer, and my productivity would then become counter-productive.
I'd bake something, but Mark gave up sweets for Lent *** and it's WAY too dangerous to make something when I'm the only one around who would eat it. And I would eat it.
Last night I spent about a half hour bouncing around the house - literally. Still couldn't convince Baby to come out. I am the Amazing Dilated Woman.
From the beginning, I said I'd rather not have a Valentine's baby - it just seems like it could be a bummer of a birthday. So I'm betting that's what I'll get. And surprisingly enough - in the past few days, Valentine's Day has seemed like a better and better day to have a baby. Much better than, say - the 15th or 16th.
:)
*** In response to Anonymous's comment, you're correct - the tradition of giving something up for Lent is not practiced in the Bible. It is symbolic of the 40 days Jesus spent fasting in the desert. And although the practice itself doesn't have a Biblical basis, it can be a great way to refocus ourselves - whenever you find yourself wanting the thing you have given up, say a prayer. Use small sacrifices to remind yourself of the enormous sacrifice Christ made for us. And for the record - deciding NOT to give something up for Lent doesn't make you a bad person. It's just a tool that some people find really useful for focusing their thoughts on God.

passing time

Yesterday I went grocery shopping, did laundry, did some more meal-prep work, made dinner, read for awhile, watched a movie and fixed our desktop computer woes (HOO! RAY! I tell you).
And still, the day seemed to drag.
I think I will have to come up with a fun project for today, lest my baby be born to a woman who has gone insane waiting for his/her arrival. :)
Because, let's face it. It's 6:45am on a day when I don't have to work, and I'm blogging.
I need help. :)

nada

Okay - still nothing to report. All signs point to "Soon" - but that is turning out to be a rather vague concept. :)
Mark teased me awhile ago that if this baby takes after me, it will arrive exactly on its due date, if not a teeny bit early. Perhaps that will be the case.
In the meantime, I am resting, reading, and trying to get the house in decent order - so that returning from the hospital won't be too stressful.
Thanks for the thoughts & prayers!!

master of the obvious

This is a post simply to say that there is, as yet, nothing to say.
Mark ran into Funny Dr. Man at our gym last night, and said "If you're here, and I'm here, then my wife is in trouble if she goes into labor right now!" (kidding, obviously - it's not like our gym in Kentucky or on the moon or anything).
Funny Dr. Man expressed his surprise last night that I hadn't gone into labor on FRIDAY night - he was sure I would - and as I understand, grateful that I didn't, as he needed some sleep.
Well, he just got another night uninterrupted (at least by me). Our Little One has been causing more and more contractions - just nothing regular or intense yet. S/he definitely has a sense of timing - and it must not be "just right" yet.
And so, we wait.
Thanks for all the well wishes and encouragement - we're currently busy thinking Laborful Thoughts - it's a sunny, COLD Sunday. Seems like a good day to have a baby... :)

see you this weekend?

I went to the doctor this morning - and I like my doctor's office a lot. There are 4 docs that I've been seeing in rotation - and I really like 3 of them. They are:
(names have been changed to protect their true identities)
Cool Dr. Lady
Funny Dr. Man
Shy Dr. Man
I do not particularly care for Mean Dr. Lady (it could be her name, it'd be hard to overcome that...)

I saw Funny Dr. Man this morning - and although I was supposed to be "checked" for progress this morning, he initially said he wasn't going to, since I hadn't really had any "signs" of labor.
FDM: I don't like when people get mad because I tell them they're not dilated at all. Do you really WANT to be checked?
Me: I wouldn't mind. (meaning - you better check me, Funny Dr. Man!!)
FDM: Okay then.
(a few minutes later, ready for exam)
FDM: Baby's head is really low.... well... you're a good 4cm and 80% effaced.
Me: Are you kidding?? (thinking, this better not be Funny Dr. Man's idea of being funny...)
FDM: Nope - you're doing great, especially for a first-timer. It doesn't mean you'll have the baby TODAY, but you'll most likely be going into labor in the next few days.
Me: Well, okay then!

It's hard to believe - I was fully ready to be told that it would be at least another week or so. And I do know that it doesn't mean that labor is necessarily about to happen. But it's WAY more than I was expecting. It's hard to believe that I could be meeting this little babe any day now. For real.

Wow.

horizons

It's about 8:20 on a Thursday morning. I'm on the couch, laptop on my legs (I don't really have a lap anymore...), wearing big old sweatpants and a tshirt that doesn't quite disguise the squirmy wormy little one in my belly.
Last week (and many, many weeks prior to that) I would have been at work for at least an hour, prepping myself for the days' appointments, answering emails, and chatting with coworkers about the upcoming day or their plans for the weekend.
Times have already changed so much.
I've never been someone who was too afraid of or resistant to change. Even as a little kid - I always wanted to be a little older - was so excited to someday move on to "the next big thing." It's a good trait in some ways, and a bit of a shortcoming in others. I appreciate my ability to not hold on too hard to the past, especially because changes, both big and little, are inevitable. I set goals about who I think God wants me to become, and I work hard toward becoming that woman "someday." But I also find myself living in the future when I maybe should be living in the moment. Especially when the moment is a little trying.
I've always pretty much known I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. The decision I made when I got pregnant to leave my job was not a tough one to make. But I underestimated how much I'd enjoy working. Now, I fully anticipate that the rewards and challenges of my new career in full-time mommyhood will be more intense and genuine than any I've experienced before. And I'm so excited.
But it's not here yet.
And my tendency is to watch the horizon, and wait (hopefully) patiently for what is to come.
But then I'm neglecting the moment. And since I know my God, and that He does all things with a purpose that works for the good of those who love Him... He's got something in mind for this time. I don't want to miss that either.
And so I will try to take advantage of these days and hours - and instead of thinking about how badly I want to meet this child and embark on this new & unknown journey - I will appreciate the moments I have been given. Moments of quiet and rest, of time with God and with friends. I will enjoy the life stretching and moving in my belly - it will be a sensation gone all too soon. I will try to listen to the wind, to the small whisper - because that's where God usually is.
There are beautiful things on the horizon... but there are beautiful things here today as well.

pictures! of things!!

A few days ago we had almost a foot of snow on the ground. Mark left me a message in the backyard - things have obviously warmed up a bit around here because you can see the grass - but the sentiment was not washed away.









These are the diaper bags I made - Mark's is on the left, mine on the right. He even wandered around JoAnn's with me to pick out his fabric. (Of course, I said I wouldn't make it for him unless he picked out exactly what he wanted so as to avoid any un-manliness surrounding his diaper bag. It's hard enough to have a "manly" diaper bag anyway....)










These are the paintings I just finished for Baby B's room - the bugs are pretty much copied from (er, inspired by!) the fabric we used to make the crib stuff, curtains & diaper stacker. The room looks a little more ready every day!!









Now I'm tired - time to rest a bit before dinner & the second wind I'm sure to get this evening. :)

i take it back

Okay - so staying at home when nesting instincts are in FULL SWING is not so easy as it sounds.
By 5:00pm yesterday I was wiped out - but back into full gear by 8:30 or so, and not in bed until after 11:00pm (a bedtime I haven't seen voluntarily in months).
The only thing I didn't get done off my checklist yesterday is the desktop computer thing - but that's really out of my hands at the moment (I'm waiting on a boot disk that is crucial to my progress).
Today - I'll probably finish up my pre-baby meal preparation (yesterday I did chicken & pork, today is beef) and maybe visit a friend whose littlest one (she has four boys!!) is about 2.5 weeks old, maybe run a couple of errands... what with the arrival of Baby B a possibility any ol' time, there are just a couple of things I really ought to have.
Funny Story of the Day (well, yesterday):
Katie's shopping in Meijer, minding her own business... friendly man in the garbage bag aisle smiles at her and says, "So, are you due TOMORROW?"
Same trip, in the checkout line. Different friendly man pulls his cart up behind Katie in line, smiles at her and says, "Man, I've been there."
I guess it was the Day of Men Saying Harmless But Inane Things to Strangers. At least they all smiled at me first. :)

Stay-At-Home... Bum?

Technically, I guess I'm already a mama. I mean, I *have* a baby - it's just not available right now. But it's hard to consider myself a stay-at-home-mom when I'm essentially home by myself.
Here's the agenda for today:
Clean floors after 30-ish teenagers invaded our home for a Super Bowl party last night. CHECK.
Run dishwasher after 30-ish teenagers invaded our home for a Super Bowl party last night. CHECK.
Make the bed. CHECK.
Go grocery shopping & return all our cans for a refund (finally!)
Do some cooking for freezer meals once Baby B is on the scene.
Get desktop computer up and running again (this one may take awhile).
Clean up Baby B's room. Again. Because it has turned into my own personal craft studio.
Maybe if I get most/all of these things done I won't feel like such a bum - it's just really funny to be at home and know you're not on vacation from work... to know that you're just plain not going back. Weird.
I DID manage to make Mark's backpack-style diaper bag this weekend (he picked out the fabric himself, and has already named it Midnight), and made a ring sling for carrying Baby B around... I'm feeling pretty good about those projects being done. Once I get my SAHB act together, I'll post a picture or two.

think inside the box

Well, folks - it's been a busy week, and apparently I've been slacking in my bloggie responsibilities. Between some evening commitments and finishing up my final days at work, I've been neglecting my poor little blog. Sincere apologies are extended to all (three of you) who read this.
First - no, there is no Baby B on the scene yet. Still very much pregnant.
Second - today is my first official day as a stay-at-home-mama. I must say - while the baby is still in utero - this staying-at-home thing ain't so bad. :) We went to the doctor this morning, made some cranberry-orange muffins, had lunch with friends, and I've gotten a pedicure, watched a little TV, started the dishwasher and done some organizing this afternoon. It feels good to be at home.
Third - the picture. Wednesday night the UPS man climbed our steps with a package. This is not an unusual occurence these days, what with my manic online-shopping-to-prepare-for-Baby-B's-arrival, I think we've been getting a delivery pretty much every single day for the past millenium. But the box in question was rather large, and I hadn't ordered anything large.
Come to find out that my Aunt Val had coordinated with other members of the family (who live in IL and WI, at a minimum of 4-5 hours from here) to throw me a Surprise Baby Shower in a Box. Complete with goodies (muffins, gummi bears, tea & cider), gifts, games, prizes and a helium balloon. I was incredibly touched by my family's generosity and by the effort that went into the gesture. A very cool surprise, to be sure.
I think tomorrow will be a fairly quiet day, and then we're having a bunch of squirrelly ninth-graders over to "watch the Super Bowl." Really, it just means we'll have the TV on and a lot of food on the table. Should be fun.
That's our life in a nutshell. And I swear, I'll try to do better about posting regularly so that no one has to wonder.

interior decorator *updated*

Here are a couple "shots" of Baby's Room - I still have a few things to do (you'll notice the walls are *ahem* rather bare...). But it's functional and ready to rock otherwise. The blue walls (and blue chair and blue futon and blue curtains) in no way indicate that we are "hoping" for a boy (I personally think it's a little creepy to "hope" for a specific gender...) I just really love blue. I love the bright colors in the room, and I love that most of what's in that room is either homemade, a gift, purchased with a gift card, or was something we already owned. (Honestly, I spent the same amount of money on the Boppy slipcoveras I did on the flannel sheets for the futon...)
*Update - the dresser I painted is along the wall to the right... the pictures I took of that wall are pretty dull, though, which is why I didn't include them here. It's basically blank walls, the other end of the futon, and the dresser. But it's in there, adding color & life, and serving as our changing table. Hooray for things pulling double duty!

unexpected treasures

I know I've complained (commented) on some people's inability to say anything constructive, positive or encouraging to pregnant women.
Today, I'm encouraged by some other people's ability to communicate such excitement, passion & awe about the process that is motherhood.
I *love* talking to people who look at things from a positive, growing, purposeful perspective. (I don't always do it myself, but I try, and am drawn to this quality in others). I just had a lovely conversation with a co-worker in the College of Business (she has 3 kids, aged 21 to 8). Her eyes were alight, and her genuine excitement for me was such a blessing.
Thanks, Lord. I needed that today. :)

little guitarist

While you're pregnant, it's fun to find ways to actually interact with your baby.
Obviously, you can poke at the baby, and you'll usually get some kind of kick or thump in response.
I prefer to gently rub my belly, and watch Baby roll and squirm - almost as if s/he is trying to realign to where my hand just was, saying, "Keep rubbing my back, Mama."
But Mark and I have discovered a new, very fun way to play with Baby.
His guitar.
Mark's been playing the guitar for a few years now, and I think he's pretty durn good. I mean, we have professional-level concerts in our living room, with him strumming away and both of us singing our guts out. And the dogs and cats in our neighborhood howl right along with us...
Lack of identifiable musical talent aside - Baby seems to really enjoy when Daddy plays guitar. The wiggles and movements are strong and big - my whole tummy seems to be moving (almost on beat, which makes me laugh) along with the music. We serenaded Baby for at least 30 minutes last night - and not only is it fun to sit in the living room and sing songs (loudly and in *perfect* harmony) with my husband, it's incredibly fun to watch our unborn Little One enjoy it as well.
Either that, or s/he is flailing around, trying to get us to stop embarrassing it.
I'll go with the former. :)

lazy saturday

Today I:
- slept in (until 7:20am!!)
- moved furniture around in Baby's Room, trying to figure out how to fit our futon, a dresser, a crib, a bookcase & an armchair glider into a 9 by 11 room (if you stick the bookcase in the closet, you've got a shot at making it work...)
- did dishes, cleaned up the living room & kitchen
- hung out with my friend Dana for about 7 hours; made delicious salads for lunch, made puppy chow for a snack, and watched the extended version of The Fellowship of the Ring - oh, and talked a LOT
It was a nice, lazy Saturday. And now, I'm sitting on the living room floor, tv on in the background, Baby B hiccuping in my belly, and enjoying these little moments. I don't know why I seem to forget this - but God is absolutely woven into the fibers of our everyday lives, just waiting for us to look for Him.

bulletin board replacement

Our office has a bulletin board out in the wallway, encouraging students to "Meet Your Advisers!" (I don't know who really reads about us, but our pictures and short little bios/answers to questions are posted there.)
Yesterday, I walked past the bulletin board and noticed my picture was no longer posted. Andrea's happy face is smiling out from where mine once was. It's a strange, bittersweet, freeing kind of feeling... I'm phasing out of this place.
Life as I currently know it will stop abruptly in a few weeks, and alter its course forever. I'm entering a world of diapers, pacifiers, nighttime feedings, tiny hands in mine, and more wonder and heartache and joy than I can even comprehend. I can't wait.
But these halls - this office, these four walls, this place - will continue much in the same way. I'll be missed for a little while, but ultimately, I will just have been witness to just a few heartbeats in its lifespan.
I'm so excited to be a Mama to this little child of God. Sad to leave some of the familiar behind, yes. But I couldn't be more thrilled about the unknowns awaiting me.

a crib made of sticks and spit

Yes, I am nesting. No, I will not build the crib (or any of the furniture for my child's room) out of sticks and spit. Although it does sound kind of fun to try...
Mama Bird instincts have kicked in (although the crazy task-master tendencies are balanced out by the physical limitations of my body - thank goodness!). I want the nursery ready to go - to walk in there, sit down, and imagine the room belonging to someone - as opposed to imagining what it will look like when I finally clean the silly room up.
Since the showers are all over now, I can go shopping for Baby B and get all the little things crossed off my list. Baby B is "due" in less than a month - and I've always worked better under a bit of pressure.
Mark and I saw an excellent movie this weekend - Juno. It's a little irreverent, and not *exactly* wholesome - but it's honest and heartfelt and has some terrific moments of what it looks like to love & serve other people. I cried twice (which may or may not be directly related to the raging ninth-month of pregnancy hormones...)
In other important news - I ate four cookies yesterday. Because three just wasn't enough.
Yum. I *may* eat four again tonight.

yahoo yippee hooray

That's the sound my brain made this morning when I realized it was FRIDAY. For real. Because my brain has been trying to convince that it was Friday since Wednesday... and it wasn't ever actually TRUE until this morning. Yahoo Yippee Hooray!! A weekend is just what the doctor ordered...
Tomorrow marks the official "Due Date is One Month Away" point. Things are starting to feel much closer, a little more real, and, well... bigger. Bigger both literally (this child feels enormous to me right now) and figuratively (realizing more and more each day that I have yet to realize how much different - in both good AND tough ways - my life is about to become).
Today, though - I'm trying to enjoy the moments as they come. Itchy belly, puffy fingers & ankles, a not-so-slight waddle-walk... but also the indescribable feeling of God's child moving around inside me, the daydreams of caressing little hands & feet in just a matter of weeks, and the overwhelming feeling of being blessed by this responsibility.
I'm gonna soak in those thoughts this weekend.

is something wrong here?

Ever have a day when you think:
What in the world are people thinking??? Are they thinking? Or do they expect me to do all the thinking and the working and the problem-solving for them??
To be fair - for the most part, that's my job. Answering questions, helping students plan their futures (whether it's long-term, or helping them plan the next few days) - and for the most part, I love it.
This week is a busy week. The first week of classes ALWAYS is hectic, and for some reason, the first week in January is almost crazier than the first week in August. Or at least, a different kind of crazy. But knowing & expecting a crazy, hectic week doesn't always make it that much easier to deal with when the time comes.
I just got off the phone with a student. Our conversation went like this:
"Good morning, this is Katie. Can I help you?"
"Um. Yeah. Um. I just, uh, changed my major to Business PreLaw. I uh, need to know what classes to take."
(sidenote - classes began on Monday. It is now almost noon on Wednesday.)
"Okay - are you familiar with the business requirements? Have you looked at the requirements online or taken any of the courses already?"
"Uh. No."
"No you haven't taken any classes for business, or no you're not familiar with the requirements?"
"No, I don't know what's required. Uh, where would I even look online to find that?"
"Well, you can type "Business" into the search engine on the homepage, and it will pop right up..."
"Oh."
We went on like that for a few minutes - and lest you think I'm a cranky, unhelpful adviser - I pulled up his record (he'd gotten 0.0 in EVERY class last semester, by the way) and recommended a few courses for him to try to enroll in. Also recommended that he bookmark a few of those oh-so-helpful websites for future reference.
(And while I was in the middle of typing those last sentences, he called back. He'd forgotten everything I'd told him, and wanted to be told again. Ack.)
Now, I don't have a problem with students asking for direction & clarification. It's not their job to know everything about the University. What I do have a problem with is this alarming trend of people who are unable to do anything for themselves. They will not keep track (in any way) of their requirements for their degrees, they will not try to hunt down any information on their own or do any research... they want the easy way out of everything.
Here are some things I've heard in the past 2 days:
"It's my senior year. I mean, I just don't want to work that hard."
"Well, I live in Owen, and I'd rather not have to walk that far to class" (the class was maybe 15 minutes away)
"Studying abroad in the fall is easier than telling my roommate I don't want to live with her again."
"I just want to get the he!! out of here. Which class is the easiest?"
"All you have to do is get the right professor and take the right class, and you'll get the right grade. It's just a game."
I think there are TONS of awesome things about young people - I enjoy them VERY much and wouldn't be doing this job if I didn't think that teenagers and college students are some of the coolest people. Many of the high school and college students I know are incredibly mature, selfless, funny, articulate, and motivated. And I love them dearly.
But there are some scary trends that make me shake in my shoes. Just a bit.
(Thanks for letting me rant a little!)

rain, rain

Yesterday we hit over sixty degrees. Last night - had severe thunderstorm warnings issued all over the place. Today - we're looking at almost sixty again, and flood warnings.
This is interesting weather for a Michigan January.
I'm not complaining - I like warm weather, I like thunderstorms (don't like flooding - but we're not in an area that's too susceptible to it). It's just a little weird.
Never fear - by the end of the week, we'll be back to more traditional temperatures.
It's the first week of classes at MSU - and things are appropriately crazy around here. Lots of students needing lots of help - scheduling, financial aid, graduation checks, etc. Yesterday was VERY busy, but I do so appreciate the time moving by quickly.
Andrea started work last week (this is the gal who will be taking my job at the end of January when I'm officially done working) - and it's GREAT to have her on board. She's been around MSU a long time and has so much energy and passion for working with students. I get to spend a couple hours every day answering her questions, orienting her to the position, and just getting to know her better. I love it. One-on-one interaction is one of my absolute favorite things. It makes it so much easier to leave a job I really enjoy when I know that it will be in SUCH good hands.
So, between busy days at work, and busy evenings at home (no, the nursery is NOT all set up yet... eek!), I imagine the next 5 weeks will fly right by. Ready or not, Little B is on his/her way! :)

resurfacing

I like new things. And I don't just mean "things" - although I'll be honest - I've always liked new clothes, new toys, new jewelry. (Luckily, I also like sales!)
But I like new recipes, new friends, visiting new places, new calendars, new years... there's something pretty cool about a clean slate & a fresh experience. Right now, it feels like my life is chock-full of new-ness.
First (and most obvious) - it's a new year. I'm still working on my personal goals (I don't like the word "resolutions" - not sure why...)
Second (and also very obvious) - we are rapidly approaching Little B's due date. Less than six weeks "to go" at this point.
Third - I have 18 more work days left at my job. This still feels very surreal. I'm so EXCITED about being able to stay home with our baby, but am also still feeling a little torn about leaving a place full of people I really enjoy and I job that I love.
These are the big new things - I'm sure there are lots of littler things are simply paling in comparison right now.
Anybody else got anything "new" coming up?

only when we drive

The last time we went to Chicagoland to visit my family, it poured snow (does snow "pour"??) on us the whole way home. Today, my fabulous, reliable friend, weather.com says it shall pour snow on us the whole way there. Apparently - we're only allowed to have a White Christmas-season - as Christmas itself was gray, and the next day it was 45 and rainy. Interesting.
But it's time for Christmas with my side of the family - so we will saddle up the horses and brave the journey across Northwest Indiana. Lookout, Lake Effect Snow. We're not afraid. (and I can only say that because my husband will be driving. Otherwise, I'd be shaking in my boots).
Christmas was lovely - we had dinner Christmas Eve with Mark's family at his mom's house (for her birthday), went to his dad's house to spend the night and observe how much food that man can make for 10 people who've already eaten dinner.... and then Christmas morning was spent at Mark's sister's home. It was relaxing and fun - except for the nasty little stomach bug that was waiting for me as soon as I opened my eyes on Christmas morning... but that bug has left the building, and I'm feeling pretty much totally normal now. Bless God for short-lived viruses.
All-in-all, Mark & I have been LOVING this vacation - we've slept in, visited with friends and family, watched movies, and just enjoyed not having to be at work. And the fact that more friends, family, and a few more days are still to come - that's just icing on the cake, baby.
So enjoy the rest of your holiday - we're off to brave the Great White expanse that exists between here and Chicago's suburbs.

home for the holidays

Thursday was my last day of work for 2007 - hooray! It's strange to know that I only have the month of January at my job, and then I'll be at home full-time. I'm really excited, but it still seems awfully surreal.
Mark had (very minor) out-patient back surgery yesterday - he is up and about today, but we spent yesterday morning at the hospital - and then I ran errands and kept Mark company as he watched 3 movies (I'm a very willing-to-sacrifice-wife, what can I say??) It was a good day, but not SO much for being productive.
As a person who loves to plan ahead and be organized, it only makes sense that I am still trying to finish Christmas shopping (not as bad as it sounds - it's for family members I won't see until next weekend - I have 7 whole days!!). I have to clean up the house for visitors who will be coming next week, make my sister's Christmas present, and really start cracking down on the baby's room. I made some progress last night - lining the dresser drawers with Contact paper and putting some of the clothes & blankets "away." The crib is still overflowing with things that don't have a home yet, but I'm getting there.
My husband and I are watching the neighbor's boys for them as they're out of town for their anniversary (the boys are 13, 10 and 7) - and Luke (the youngest) spent some time getting to feel Baby B move and stretch this afternoon. It was really fun to watch his face as his little hands rested on my tummy - he got to feel quite a bit of wiggle-ment today!
I hope that the next few days are full of peace, laughter, and good times with family - it's so easy to be overwhelmed by our tasks - I pray that we are all able to sit and remember the true joy that comes with this season.

'Tis the Season

Christmas has struck me differently this year than in the past. I've ALWAYS been a huge fan of the entire Christmas season (although I prefer to see the season start after Thanksgiving is over...) Even as a little girl - I loved the snow, the music, the lights, the scents, warm fires & mugs of cocoa... and most of all, the precious, indescribable feeling of something *awesome* that enveloped me at this time of year.
This year, on top of all those sensations, I've been struck more deeply than ever by the thought of a pregnant teenage girl, giving birth in some seriously scary conditions...
As my baby moves and twists inside me, I imagine what it would be like to know that your baby is God incarnate.
As I daydream about this Little One's childhood and adulthood, I wonder how it would feel to know that my baby would grow up and meet a horrific, torturous end... but in doing so, would save the world.
As I sit in awe of the responsibility God has placed upon Mark and I in raising this bebe up for His glory, I contemplate what it would be like to be chosen as the mother of God's one and only Son.
This year - Christmas is not only about the incredible gift the Lord gave us in His precious baby boy - but it is also about the humble & imperfect humans that He chose to help His plan unfold. How in the world can I ever hide behind claims of "unworthiness"? The Christmas story is one of the ultimate examples of God's power being made perfect in weakness.
Blessings to you this holiday season!!

Public Enemy #1

Last week, I had a baking fit. I made 2 types of Christmas cookies (which really doesn't really sound like that many) - except that each batch produces more than 60 cookies.
And I wasn't smart enough to make cookies that I DON'T enjoy eating. Instead, I made some of toughest-for-me-to-resist cookies. And despite my best efforts at bringing them to work, sending them to work with Mark, and bringing some home to share with my family this past weekend... the cookies, they linger.
But not for long - at the rate I'm going. It seems as though (at least) 2 cookies are necessary every evening. Just to get into the Christmas spirit, of course.
I would call them Public Enemy #1. But I can't. I love them too much.
And today I have to go to the doctor and get weighed in. I'll just smile and blame it on the cookies.

creative Creator

Mark has been in Venice, CA since Saturday (he comes home tonight). When we talked on Monday, he told me it was sunny, but "a little chilly" (read: about 60 degrees) as he sat on the beach break wall and sipped his Chai Latte. (Yes, he IS aware that he leads a charmed life, and he is exceedingly grateful). This is a picture of a Venice sunset. Lovely, isn't it?



THIS is a picture outside my front door this morning. Well, no, not really. Actually - it's the Arctic. I'm embellishing for dramatic effect. Here in Michigan, there's really only a dusting of snow on the ground, and it's a fairly pleasant 25 degrees at 8:00am (we might hit 35 today!!) We did have a bit of an ice storm last night, but nowhere near as nasty as the weather-folks were predicting.

Isn't it incredible that God made a planet with so many intricacies? Really - how much easier would it have been to make everything pretty much uniform? I'm so glad to know the Lord of the universe - to see His love in HUGE things (the sacrifice of Christ on the cross) and in smaller ways (the beauty of His unfathomable imagination in creating our world). So, wherever you are this morning - I pray that you are able to find a piece of His love in some way - whether it be big or small.

honoring the request

A request was made from my friend Sarah for more pictures - I have no more pictures of Baby B, since we're only having the one ultrasound (and that was almost 3 months ago) - but here are some from my second baby shower this weekend. There were about 15 gals, lots of yummy food, and many moments of laughing-so-hard-it's-tough-to-breathe. (Although it's a little tough for me to breathe at all these days, as Baby B is compressing my lungs, but hey - I like the laughing). It was fantastic and fun, and I was so touched by the love that was shown (most of these gals are facing finals this week - they took a "study break" to celebrate with me on one of the most stressful weekends of the year!!)
So here goes - starting at the top:
* Kelsey (one of the shower hostesses, entirely responsible for the games and therefore, a lot of the laughter) and Laura (my neighbor, who has now graciously attended two of my showers).
* The table of tiny sandwiches, punch, brownies and lemon bars - all SO tasty!! (thanks, Dana!)
* My lovely friends Meredith, Shannon and Amanda
(And now for the pictures below):
* Meredith and Al are "pregnant" for one of the games - it was fun for a few minutes to not be the only one in the room with a massive belly :)
* Me & a present - it's not a great belly shot, but hey, this is my blog, and I'm just not sure I want to put up any of the other pictures that catalog my growth...
* Evidence of the Laughing Very Hard - Lauren, Jill, Katie, Dilyn, Al and Laura - playing Baby Taboo (just like the real game Taboo, but with baby-related words instead)

inane pregnancy questions

Every woman who has ever been pregnant has experienced this.
Some questions are rude, some are insulting, some are self-important... and some are just plain silly.
This is my new "favorite" Inane Pregnancy Question. Believe it or not - I get it All. The. Time.
"Are you excited??"
What in the world. Of COURSE I'm excited! And if, for some ridiculous and unknown reason, I was not excited - would I really answer that question honestly?
I feel so silly saying (with an indulgent smile), "Yes, we're very excited." And getting a silly smile in return.
Any other good ones out there?
(Don't get me wrong - I know everyone is just trying to make conversation, just trying to be nice. And I truly do appreciate that.
It just inspires me to make a mental note:
"Maybe it's a good idea to think for 3-5 seconds about the question I want to ask, and see if it really makes sense. If not - try to come up with a better one.")

"To Do" Lists

Those who know me (or have read this blog for a little while) know this. I love lists. It's a little (or a lot) weird, I know. But I love to make lists (preferably with bullets or stars or circles) of things I need to do, and then I *love* the pure joy that comes with crossing things off the list. It's a minor addiction.
Since my "To Do" list for the weekend was:
*Rest and get healthy
(which I have almost accomplished) - my list for this week is slightly longer. On Friday night, about 30-45 people will be eating dinner at our house (food to be provided by someone else, thankfully) - but the house still has to be ready to accommodate the food/preparation/serving/eating of a meal for 30-45 people. And right now, the house is, how shall I say it... NOT ready for that.
Sooo... I made a list!
This Saturday is a baby shower, hosted by some dear friends of mine - and while I don't have to do much to prepare, I DO need to finish writing the Thank You Notes from my last shower before adding another pile of notes to the stack.
Sooo... it went on the list!!
Also have some Christmas presents to buy/make. You guessed it - that's on the list too!!!
I'm feeling productive again - hopefully the end of this week will *look* productive too!

any grand ideas?

I'm going to be leading a bible study for high schoolers on Sunday night - talking about what it means to live like Jesus and to follow Him. There's obviously a LOT of ways I could take this "talk" - but I'd be interested in any insights y'all might have about how to approach this.
(Mark is in Georgia this weekend, so that "y'all" is my Southern tribute).
Anyway - I have about 45-55 minutes - ideally, it would be broken up into an activity, group discussions, me talking, illustrations, etc... The worst thing would be for me to talk. at. them. the. entire. time. No one wants that.
So give me some ideas - verses, passages, attributes - things that stick out to you personally! I'm open! :)

slightly different

This is the *slightly* different view out my window this morning, at 7:41am. You can't tell very well from this picture, but there is a lovely pinkish tinge to the horizon. Now, my WeatherBug says it's only 18.8 degrees right now - but it's still a lovely morning.
This sight was good for my heart this morning - I've had an emotionally rough couple of days. And not in the sense that anything bad has happened - just in the sense that my emotions seem to have gotten the better of me, and thus my behavior has been characterized by grumpiness and a lack of grace more than I'd care to admit.
But the sky has always reminded me of God's character - a beautiful, awe-inspiring entity that covers everyone and everything. Even me and my poor attitude.
Thanks, Lord, for the reminder that You are in all things, and that it is only in You that all things hold together. My life is not my own, and this world is not about men. My life is Yours, and this world is about Your power and glory. May I remember that today and everyday.

office with a view

Exhibit A: A lovely (I mean blurry) picture of the view out my window at work. Right. Now.
It's a crummy picture because (A) my camera phone has lousy photo-capturing abilities and (B) IT'S SNOWING BIG FAT FLAKES ALL OVER THE PLACE. Which makes things a little hard to distinguish. Oh and (C) it's a picture taken through 2 panes of university-quality glass windows.
I just thought you'd like to know what Mid-Michigan looks like today.
Weatherbug says it's 32 degrees right now.
In all honesty - it's really pretty. I'm not ready for it to actually be actively snowing yet, but the snowflakes are sort of fairy-tale-ish, and the trees look positively artful right now.

a turkey, a parade, bowling & movies

Had a GREAT weekend. We traveled to Chi-town on Wednesday (and miraculously avoided traffic until the last 5-8 miles of our trip -praise God!) I baked a cranberry-apple pie Wednesday night, and on Thursday, all manner of culinary goodness broke free in my parents' house. Turkey, stuffing (with apples, raisins and sausage - SO GOOD), green beans, mashed potatoes & gravy (gravy made by Yours Truly - bow before my INcredible chef-ing skills), cranberry conserve... followed by desserts. Then our Thanksgiving 2nd Meal Ritual - turkey nachos. Let me tell you - this is a fabulous way to use up some of the leftover turkey, have a lighter meal (because no matter how much you eat, you'll still be hungry later in the evening), and get some peppery, cheesey, salsa-y goodness.
Back to MI on Friday, just in time to catch Mason's Tree Lighting and Christmas Parade Extravaganza. Cold, to be sure - but so much fun to walk around our little downtown and run into a couple dozen people you know. Hot cocoa, christmas lights, and dinner in the town's little diner. Doesn't get much better. We wrapped up the evening with a movie - watched from our comfy sprawl on the living room floor.
Saturday brought some productivity, followed with bowling, a visit from our Dear Friend Dave, and some delicious pizza.
Yesterday - church was awesome, we watched another movie (I'll confess that somehow, Mark and I hadn't seen High School Musical - the first one - until then. Our lives are now completely changed), bought some stuff for the basement at Lowe's...
All that delightful time off just makes me want to stay at home forever. Enjoying people, relaxed schedules, taking things as they come, and finding joy and peace in quiet, regular moments.

raining, pouring

My first of four baby showers was held this weekend at Carrabba's (a YUMMY Italian restaurant). Before you judge, here's the breakdown of FOUR showers:
1. This weekend - thrown by my mom, sister & sister-in-law for my Lansing-area friends
2. Early December - thrown by Kelsey & Dana for the YoungLife college-age leaders in our community
3. Mid-December - at work, a co-shower for Shannon (due late January) and I
4. January sometime - thrown by Mark's family, for Mark's family
Since our families and friends are so spread out, it's hard to just have *one* shower for everyone. And we know a lot of people. It would have been a BIG shower - and a huge headache and burden for the planners. This way - we have showers broken into small, bite-size pieces.
ANYWAY - it was GREAT - I got to see some people I don't see often enough, and some people that I see regularly - all of whom I love dearly. I was overwhelmed by the generosity and support of everyone, and need to shout out a huge thanks to Mom, Meg and Melissa - who traveled far and did a LOT to make this weekend fun.
I'll post pictures as soon as I get some from my family (my camera did not come along for the trip).
Also - I am a mechanical genius. I put our crib together this weekend. By myself. Without directions. (I asked Mark 1 question).
And it's still standing.
The nursery is starting to take shape!

one car, two car, red car, blue car

I know many one-car families. I salute them. It's not easy to balance multiple lives & schedules with one car - but they make it work.
Mark and I have always had two cars - and this week has been an example of why our lives just wouldn't work so well with only one car.
Mark's Highlander has been in the shop since Monday (minor body work) - and may be there until Friday. All week, we have been operating as a 1-car household. In some ways, it's nice - because one of my biggest pet peeves is when we wind up driving two cars to the same place, just to wind up following the other person home. And we get these nice, *early* morning chats as Mark drives me to work in the morning.
HOWEVER - today (the day I usually work until noon) - Mark has a work commitment over 2.5 hours away. And he won't finish there until after 1:00pm. So I'm stuck - not a big deal, by any means, and it's a lovely day, so I'll probably take a walk to the bookstore on campus and hang out there for awhile. But it's inconvenient, to be sure. And on Wednesday nights, we'd normally go our separate ways and hang out with friends... but there's only one car. And poor (cough) Mark has had to wake up at a Set Time all week long (because my work schedule actually IS a schedule). I know he'll be happy to have his car back.
I'm sure we don't NEED two cars, and would certainly find a way to live with just one. But this week has made me grateful for the ways the Lord has provided for us - what a blessing it is that
we have two quality vehicles to drive around! It frees us up a lot more to spend our time working for Him.

all in the shake

I shake a lot of hands throughout the day. Pretty much every student that comes into my office is greeted with a handshake. And one of my biggest pet peeves is the Wet Noodle Handshake.
Really - why bother offering your hand at all if you're just planning on laying it limply in my hand?
Today - I had a couple of disappointing Noodle Shakes... but the student who *just* left my office shook my hand so hard that I heard a sound similar to knuckles cracking. Except that it was my hand.
Maybe there is a happy medium.
In other news - my weekend of Nesting was fabulously productive - I hope this energy level keeps up! My house will be cleaner and more organized than any other time in the almost 4 years we've been there!

mama bird

We are finely wired. Humans, I mean. God really knew what He was doing when He strung us together. Being pregnant is one of those HUGE, life-altering, clearly-God's-design-is-amazing kinds of experiences. I mean - my body is knitting together another whole person right now - that's incredible!
Sometimes, though - I'm reminded of God's fine wiring through little things. Like the crazy-uncontrollable nesting instinct that took over my mind last night.
I left work, went to the gym, came home and had dinner (a salad) and a snack (1 or 2 or 4 of those little Halloween leftovers... ahem). Then I caught a little catnap on the couch. Probably no more than 10 or 15 minutes. But when I woke up, I was filled with energy. I hand-washed the new dishes I ordered (glass and ceramic - no more poisonous plastic in the microwave for us - I don't know if it's really true or not, but it doesn't hurt to be careful).
By the time I went to bed, my mind was buzzing with the list of "things" I wanted to get done before Baby comes. From the very minute to the grandiose and virtually impossible - it was all I could do to keep myself from getting out of bed to get started. I knew once I left our flannel cocoon, I would be unstoppable until the wee hours of the morning. And then I'd be a very sad camper at work today.
But all day - my nesting energy is near-to-bursting through my skin. I'm gonna go bonkers this weekend, folks. I can just feel it. And I'm actually excited to scrub my baseboards, wipe down my kitchen cabinets, and sort through the untouched pile on the floor of the hall closet.
Look out! This kind of energy only comes from the Lord, I think.

a good day for friends

Well - if you want to be picky, it's always a Good Day for Friends. But yesterday, I personally did very well.
I got to have lunch with my friend Dana. I would link to her blog here, but she hasn't posted in almost a year. I totally forgive her, but what a slacker! Instead, I've included a picture from our trip to Atlanta. She is behaving herself, whereas I cannot. I think I was making up for the fact that all weekend, I had to pose in pictures with lovely, young, NOT-pregnant women... so I just made funny faces.
Anyway - Dana and I ate at Lucky's Pub in Fowlerville. For all of you who've never heard of Fowlerville - well, there's a reason for that. BUT - my burgers (yes, there were two "small" burgers) were great and we both agreed that they serve excellent french fries. If you're ever driving the stretch between Lansing and Detroit and just need some small-town atmosphere with a side of fries - Lucky's is the place to be.
And last night I joined a group of gals from our church - there's a group of men that get together to play poker every Wednesday night, and the gals gather to watch America's Next Top Model. I can't say I'm overly concerned with the show - but the company is fantastic. Plus, 4 of the 5 women there last night are pregnant. I think I'll try to make attendance a weekly thing (I always have good intentions, but sometimes my couch overrules my ability to get in my car and drive 6 miles).
AND - I have fun FUN lunch dates both today and tomorrow - with wonderful women I love.
Bless God for good friends. (And food!)

shouldn't there be a warning label?

Last night was the first of six childbirth classes for Mark and I. Although (more than a little) intrigued, I'm not quite ready to go ahead and have the baby there - but we are taking a natural childbirth class offered by the birth center.
Our class is small - only four couples total - although last night, two of the women were husband-less for the evening. It's an interesting group of people - one gal already has 2 kids, we're in different life stages, and some different personalities. It should be good - all differences aside, you can tell there's a common goal in the group. Last night was kind of introductory, but I'm looking forward to soaking up as much information as I can in the next month or so.
Childbirth class is a very female-type of experience - Mark was a trooper. I think it will help a little when the other husbands show up and even out the ratio a little bit.
To quote (more or less) my husband in his review of the evening (which included 2 fairly graphic videos, a flipchart with real-life pictures, and a demonstration that involved a baby doll and stuffed pelvis & placenta):
"It's childbirth class, so I know you're going to be seeing that stuff. I just didn't think that by the end of the first week of class I wouldn't even notice that we were looking at another woman's (parts)."
I did feel a little bad for him - but I'm loving the fact that he's right there with me. I've got a good one.