We (Hazel, Meriel and I) are visiting Nana and Papa this week - two states away from Daddy and home - and are, as always, WELL cared for.
As Daddy has his bachelor weekend (he's been telling people that he's "bach-ing it"), we are doing the same things in a new place. There is playing (with new toys), reading (of new books), diaper changing (in a new room)... and bedtime - in a new place.
Our little girl is now big enough to *know* that this is NOT her home. And although she is completely comfortable here - plays well and behaves herself and is giggly and silly and everything a little girl should be - she was not happy to sleep in a new place last night.
Nana and Papa stayed by her side, holding her, rubbing her back, and telling her to "take a deep breath" - until her little body relaxed into sleep.
What an excellent reminder - that so often, a simple break, a second to take a deep breath - is all we need to appreciate that Someone IS there to hold us and comfort us - and that it is okay to relax and let go.
My Comforter is with me wherever I go - His arms are around me, I am protected and guided and cherished... and He is waiting to remind me to simply "take a deep breath" - so that I might put down my heavy load and pick up the easy burden and light yoke He is offering.
And so, today, I take a deep breath.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
the more things change...
Sesame Street has become a part of our day - not every day, but a couple times a week. It's so different from when I was a kid - and yet so the same. Different characters are in the limelight, and the songs are much jazzier, R & Bish versions of what I remember... but it's still good ol' Sesame Street.
My life feels a little bit that way right now - very different from that of 6 months ago, and incredibly different from 2 years ago.
Today there are two little ladies who are entirely dependent on Mark and me - for everything. Food, water, clothes, warmth, comfort, love, learning. Everything.
I have very little control over when and how much I get to sleep. Or shower, for that matter.
My living room is cluttered with board books, blocks, stuffed animals, baby blankets and spit rags.
My pantry is stocked with fruit snacks and graham crackers shaped like bunnies, and Cheerios.
Today I got up before 6am to hang out with my weirdly-awake little Hazelnut.
She made me laugh, gave me some great snuggles, and shared my yogurt at breakfast.
I've given Meriel a bath, changed a few diapers, wiped tears and put tiny socks on tiny feet again and again.
Sometimes I get frustrated with how little of my life is mine - but then I'm reminded that IT ISN'T MINE. It's God's. It never was mine... I was just better able to believe that it was a few years ago.
And so even though the day-to-day mechanics of my life bear little to no resemblance to the mechanics of years past... the fact that things are different helps remind me that nothing has changed.
My life feels a little bit that way right now - very different from that of 6 months ago, and incredibly different from 2 years ago.
Today there are two little ladies who are entirely dependent on Mark and me - for everything. Food, water, clothes, warmth, comfort, love, learning. Everything.
I have very little control over when and how much I get to sleep. Or shower, for that matter.
My living room is cluttered with board books, blocks, stuffed animals, baby blankets and spit rags.
My pantry is stocked with fruit snacks and graham crackers shaped like bunnies, and Cheerios.
Today I got up before 6am to hang out with my weirdly-awake little Hazelnut.
She made me laugh, gave me some great snuggles, and shared my yogurt at breakfast.
I've given Meriel a bath, changed a few diapers, wiped tears and put tiny socks on tiny feet again and again.
Sometimes I get frustrated with how little of my life is mine - but then I'm reminded that IT ISN'T MINE. It's God's. It never was mine... I was just better able to believe that it was a few years ago.
And so even though the day-to-day mechanics of my life bear little to no resemblance to the mechanics of years past... the fact that things are different helps remind me that nothing has changed.
Friday, October 02, 2009
getting to know you
Getting to know all abooouut youuuuuu....
Any King and I fans out there?
I'm not sure why it strikes me as a bit odd that we have to get to know our children. Maybe it's because my role as a parent is completely different from any family-role I've had before... I never felt like I had to "get to know" my siblings or my parents... they were just there. And I knew them. Or, in the case of my parents, didn't necessarily ever consider them as people to get to know. Just Mom and Dad.
My brain forgot, just a bit, the process of getting to know your new baby. Hazel and I have been thick as thieves since she was born, and we've only spent 3.5 nights apart EVER (1.5 of those nights being me in the hospital, having Meriel) - and the first night apart wasn't until she was 17 months old. And although I will always be getting to know her as she grows and changes, I've gotten to feel that I know Hazel pretty durn well.
Then along came Meriel... and I remember the not-knowing. Love comes immediately - I'd turn myself inside out for her... but the connection isn't quite the same yet, and I can tell that it's because we are still getting to know her. Granted - at almost-7-weeks-old, there's not a TON to know, relatively speaking... but I feel a little bit of a gap because of it. It fills my heart up to know that the road of finding out who she is, who God made her to be, lies ahead of us. Each little smile, each coo, each fuss... each moment gives me another piece of the puzzle as to who she is.
Sometimes it has been tough, lots of times it has been joyful - and it is all precious, this process of knowing our children.
I wonder if God feels that way about us as we grow... except for the fact that He already knows everything... but is there a sense of anticipation - of knowing that something wonderful is coming up - and anxiously awaiting its arrival? He knows what the picture will look like when it's finished - but is there a sometimes-heartwrenching joy in the watching?
I hope so.
Any King and I fans out there?
I'm not sure why it strikes me as a bit odd that we have to get to know our children. Maybe it's because my role as a parent is completely different from any family-role I've had before... I never felt like I had to "get to know" my siblings or my parents... they were just there. And I knew them. Or, in the case of my parents, didn't necessarily ever consider them as people to get to know. Just Mom and Dad.
My brain forgot, just a bit, the process of getting to know your new baby. Hazel and I have been thick as thieves since she was born, and we've only spent 3.5 nights apart EVER (1.5 of those nights being me in the hospital, having Meriel) - and the first night apart wasn't until she was 17 months old. And although I will always be getting to know her as she grows and changes, I've gotten to feel that I know Hazel pretty durn well.
Then along came Meriel... and I remember the not-knowing. Love comes immediately - I'd turn myself inside out for her... but the connection isn't quite the same yet, and I can tell that it's because we are still getting to know her. Granted - at almost-7-weeks-old, there's not a TON to know, relatively speaking... but I feel a little bit of a gap because of it. It fills my heart up to know that the road of finding out who she is, who God made her to be, lies ahead of us. Each little smile, each coo, each fuss... each moment gives me another piece of the puzzle as to who she is.
Sometimes it has been tough, lots of times it has been joyful - and it is all precious, this process of knowing our children.
I wonder if God feels that way about us as we grow... except for the fact that He already knows everything... but is there a sense of anticipation - of knowing that something wonderful is coming up - and anxiously awaiting its arrival? He knows what the picture will look like when it's finished - but is there a sometimes-heartwrenching joy in the watching?
I hope so.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
nostalgia and newness
It's fall.
I *love* fall. If you know me, you know that already. I love, adore, and treasure fall. I'd snuggle it if I could.
Fall always brings me a sense of nostalgia - of moving on - looking ahead and looking back. It's probably the back-to-school-ness of it all - but I always get a shiver of anticipation laced with the sweet sadness of something ending. And of course, all of that is seasoned with apples, colorful leaves, pumpkins, brisk breezes, comfy sweatshirts and cinnamony-baking-smells. (I've gone and made myself hungry... must. fight. urge. to. go. bake.)
Anyway - this year there is no school. The girls are too young (thank the Lord) and my schedule is no longer intertwined with the university's schedule. But I still find myself peering ahead and sneaking a peek backwards on these fine fall days.
I look back toward pregnancy, toward my days as a Mama of One. Summer is back there too - with late sunsets and warm morning sunshine. It all makes me smile, but I'm not truly sad it's gone. Just savoring the memories.
I look ahead to cooler days, early evenings, mugs of cocoa and snuggles under warm blankets. I look ahead to watching Meriel unfold her little personality with smiles and wiggles and playtime. I look ahead to the little girl Hazel is becoming - so talkative, so smart, so imaginative. I laugh every. single. day. with her - she is such a blessing to my days, and a balm to my sometimes-very-tired-mama heart.
As fall unfolds before us, I pray simply that God would give me feet to fit the path He has laid out, and that I might point to Him as I walk along it.
It's fall.
I *love* fall.
I *love* fall. If you know me, you know that already. I love, adore, and treasure fall. I'd snuggle it if I could.
Fall always brings me a sense of nostalgia - of moving on - looking ahead and looking back. It's probably the back-to-school-ness of it all - but I always get a shiver of anticipation laced with the sweet sadness of something ending. And of course, all of that is seasoned with apples, colorful leaves, pumpkins, brisk breezes, comfy sweatshirts and cinnamony-baking-smells. (I've gone and made myself hungry... must. fight. urge. to. go. bake.)
Anyway - this year there is no school. The girls are too young (thank the Lord) and my schedule is no longer intertwined with the university's schedule. But I still find myself peering ahead and sneaking a peek backwards on these fine fall days.
I look back toward pregnancy, toward my days as a Mama of One. Summer is back there too - with late sunsets and warm morning sunshine. It all makes me smile, but I'm not truly sad it's gone. Just savoring the memories.
I look ahead to cooler days, early evenings, mugs of cocoa and snuggles under warm blankets. I look ahead to watching Meriel unfold her little personality with smiles and wiggles and playtime. I look ahead to the little girl Hazel is becoming - so talkative, so smart, so imaginative. I laugh every. single. day. with her - she is such a blessing to my days, and a balm to my sometimes-very-tired-mama heart.
As fall unfolds before us, I pray simply that God would give me feet to fit the path He has laid out, and that I might point to Him as I walk along it.
It's fall.
I *love* fall.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
our little world
My world is small but busy these days... here's a few tidbits for you!
Hazel is speaking in sentences... short ones (3 words) - but they're there. Last night it was "Eat the mango." And we did.
Hazel has also started making us "pies" - she runs to the oven and comes back "holding" something in her hand - she gives it to you and laughs like crazy when you "eat" it and tell her how good it is. It's so funny!
Meriel is growing HUGE and smiling at us more and more - she gets lots of kisses and "nuggles" from her big sister. She's very sweet - pretty much only fusses when something is wrong - hungry, needs to burp, or needs to attend to other bodily functions. She's crazy strong and can hold her head steady for a long time already.
Meriel let me sleep for 4 hours STRAIGHT the other night - I see a light glimmering at the end of the tunnel!!
Meriel has a whole MESS of nicknames - she won't have any idea what her actual name is if we keep this up! She gets called Mea, Mera, Maisy (rhymes with Hazey), Miggs (Meriel sounded like Miggle for awhile when Hazel said her name) and Gigi (short for Grunt & Grumble - she is a NOISY baby!!). :) We'll have to see which ones stick...
And a few pictures to enjoy:
A squeaky clean Miggs!
Hazey at the apple orchard, enjoying a treat and watching her Papa (my dad):
Hazel is speaking in sentences... short ones (3 words) - but they're there. Last night it was "Eat the mango." And we did.
Hazel has also started making us "pies" - she runs to the oven and comes back "holding" something in her hand - she gives it to you and laughs like crazy when you "eat" it and tell her how good it is. It's so funny!
Meriel is growing HUGE and smiling at us more and more - she gets lots of kisses and "nuggles" from her big sister. She's very sweet - pretty much only fusses when something is wrong - hungry, needs to burp, or needs to attend to other bodily functions. She's crazy strong and can hold her head steady for a long time already.
Meriel let me sleep for 4 hours STRAIGHT the other night - I see a light glimmering at the end of the tunnel!!
Meriel has a whole MESS of nicknames - she won't have any idea what her actual name is if we keep this up! She gets called Mea, Mera, Maisy (rhymes with Hazey), Miggs (Meriel sounded like Miggle for awhile when Hazel said her name) and Gigi (short for Grunt & Grumble - she is a NOISY baby!!). :) We'll have to see which ones stick...
And a few pictures to enjoy:
A squeaky clean Miggs!
Hazey at the apple orchard, enjoying a treat and watching her Papa (my dad):
Sunday, September 06, 2009
comfort
I Will Arise and Go To Jesus
Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power
Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power
I will arise and go to Jesus;
He will embrace me in his arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
There are ten thousand charms
Come ye thirsty, come and welcome,
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings You nigh
Come ye weary, heavy-laden
Bruised and ruined by the Fall
If you tarry 'til you're better
You will never come at all
I will arise and go to Jesus;
He will embrace me in his arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
There are ten thousand charms.
------
I have never sung this song without tears pouring down my face.
When my daughter is hurt or frightened - she wears her pain and her fears all
across her face, without shame. Her emotions are genuine, and she makes no
apology for it. No thought crosses her mind that she might pretend to feel any
other way. She is not compelled to put on a brave face or to "suck it up." No
embarrassment exists for the intensity of her feelings. Her face crumples, tears
flow freely... and then she arises and comes to me, or to her daddy, arms
outstretched. She knows she will find comfort in our embrace, and she gladly settles
herself against her parents. She is safe, and she is loved.
The image of my daughter - full of pure emotion, and equally full of pure trust -
seeking me for comfort... and knowing that I would drop everything to be her
safety... it's so compelling.
Jesus loves me like that. And there are days when all I want is to be little
again - to be unashamed of my emotion, to feel it unnecessary to be any
stronger than I actually am... and to simply walk, arms outstretched, into the
embrace of someone bigger, someone who loves me unconditionally and wholly...
And while there are days when I find myself a tiny bit jealous of Hazel and a
tiny bit weary of my adult-ness, my responsibilities, and my self-consciousness...
while I do occasionally wish I could have a real, human pair of arms wrapped
around me that way... I am so incredibly grateful to have the love of my Jesus.
Even though He cannot physically sit on my couch, wipe the tears off my face
and hold my head against His shoulder...
I have never sung this song without crying.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
back to reality
The past two weeks have been a lovely (albeit strange) little vacation of sorts...
Mark has been off work - so we've been a two-parent household pretty much 24-7... let me tell you, THAT is amazing! Hazel and her Daddy have LOVED the quality time they got to spend together, I loved the company, and watching the bonding between my guy and my girls... it's just wonderful.
And of course, there is the delightful new little person in our home - waking up more and more each day, getting lots of snuggles from her big sister and Mama and Daddy - and just generally making things feel even more home-y and family-ish around here.
Then, of course, there's the part where we are slightly sleep-deprived and frazzled by the adjustment to being parents of two little girls... but I can honestly say that it's WAY easier than I thought it would be... at least so far (famous last words, I know...). The confidence and familiarity that I feel this time makes a HUGE difference - I've taken the girls shopping by myself already, and I'm feeling ready for the next week when Mark goes back to work (even though I know it will be tough - I also know it will be OK).
Hazel is adjusting like a champ - some sleep issues at nighttime - but she loves the heck out of her baby sister and is her cheerful bubbly little self as usual.
Meriel is pretty laid back, pretty chilled out - although she's fussing herself awake as I speak/type... and we're so excited to get to know her little personality better in the days, months and years to come.
Gotta go tend my littlest - here's something to tide you over!
Mark has been off work - so we've been a two-parent household pretty much 24-7... let me tell you, THAT is amazing! Hazel and her Daddy have LOVED the quality time they got to spend together, I loved the company, and watching the bonding between my guy and my girls... it's just wonderful.
And of course, there is the delightful new little person in our home - waking up more and more each day, getting lots of snuggles from her big sister and Mama and Daddy - and just generally making things feel even more home-y and family-ish around here.
Then, of course, there's the part where we are slightly sleep-deprived and frazzled by the adjustment to being parents of two little girls... but I can honestly say that it's WAY easier than I thought it would be... at least so far (famous last words, I know...). The confidence and familiarity that I feel this time makes a HUGE difference - I've taken the girls shopping by myself already, and I'm feeling ready for the next week when Mark goes back to work (even though I know it will be tough - I also know it will be OK).
Hazel is adjusting like a champ - some sleep issues at nighttime - but she loves the heck out of her baby sister and is her cheerful bubbly little self as usual.
Meriel is pretty laid back, pretty chilled out - although she's fussing herself awake as I speak/type... and we're so excited to get to know her little personality better in the days, months and years to come.
Gotta go tend my littlest - here's something to tide you over!
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