Tuesday, August 17, 2010

u turns

North. South.
Up. Down.
Right. Left.

It's fairly safe to say that everything and everyone has a direction. It might not be purposeful. It might not even be something of which we are aware. But the direction is there. We all point, orbit, track, follow.

Directions exist as ambidextrous forces in our lives... on one hand, direction is cherished and craved and sought after. It generates security and purpose. On the other, direction can remove our sense of autonomy, make us feel as though we are riding the waves of a force far to large to transcend.

When we are comfortable with the path - directional living is desirable. We are proud of it, we wear it on our sleeves for all to see. And even when we are not comfortable, we may cling to a path simply because it is familiar. At least we know where we are going.

It's when the path swerves unexpectedly out of sight that we are unnerved.

Here's the catch - it's my experience that the path can, will, must swerve. Directions change suddenly, the road falls away, storms gather and darken the course. It is going to happen.

I spent the first days, weeks, months of motherhood adjusting to the path upon which I was suddenly called to walk. I was responsible for another person - the task of keeping her safe and healthy was a track laid before me, a gorgeous and treacherous road of joy and accountability. The rocky thoroughfare of early parenthood gradually became familiar - I adjusted and learned and adapted to my new surroundings.

Then the road swerved. While I had spent my earliest moments of parenthood slogging through lesson after lesson on How to Be a Steward of Another Person, I realized that I would spend the remainder of my life as a mother learning to give up my responsibility, to relinquish that control.

Similarly, we spend the first few decades of our lives as growing our abilities in decision-making, taking responsibility for ourselves, controlling our choices and our lives... we live out the rest of our years grasping for the understanding that we cannot possibly control everything. Learning to hand over the reins. Discovering that perhaps life is not so much about choosing a direction as it is about choosing how we travel along the directions laid before us.

East. West.
Forward. Backward.
Over. Under.

God has given me the ability to weigh my choices, make decisions, and follow paths. I am accountable for these. But more so, it is the heart - the why and the how behind the scenes - that will define me.

I like knowing where I am headed. Clear views of the road ahead provide comfort. And yet, I know that my path will veer into the unknown. By His grace, I will prove myself a seasoned traveler, and know that in following Him, my path will be made straight.

1 thoughts:

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