Wednesday, January 18, 2006

baa baa

I'm Feeling: super hungry (almost lunchtime!)
Background Noise:
New York, New York by Ryan Adams

Here is a very important update on my work life...

I just had my 2000th face to face student appointment - took me about 17 months to see that many people. Not too shabby, I think - but then, I have very little with which to compare those numbers...

Yesterday I got to learn about sheep, so I wanted to post a picture of one. Sheep are kinda slow, smelly, stupid, not very brave and awfully vulnerable. They're picky and easily distracted. They're designed to live in community and they need a shepherd in order to flourish and be safe. And they're REALLY valuable. We got to have an interesting discussion about sheep, and why in the Bible, sheep refer to believers. What kinds of correlations can we draw? It was interesting, thought-provoking, and funny. We agreed that sheep may be evidence AGAINST evolution. Maybe if it was "survival of the slowest"....
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4 thoughts:

Joe said...

in the last comment you left me, you said this:

"He has set eternity in the hearts of men, though we cannot begin to understand what the Lord has done from beginning to end." I think that frustration could be eternity calling.

What does that mean? What does it mean by eternity? And how could it be calling? I'm a bit confused.

Katie said...

Well, in my own human (and potentially flawed)interpretation of that verse, it means that God has created in us a desire for more than this world can provide. We were meant for perfect community with other believers, for a perfect, unbroken relationship with Him - and obviously, we can't get that here.

I've been a believer for over twelve years, and I've gone to church my entire life - and although I "knew" heaven would be better than Earth, and that I should want to be in heaven with God - the idea of dying and leaving my life always nagged me - the concept that dying that day in a car crash would result in me being infinitely better off was lost on me. It was relatively recent when I had my first true I-want-heaven-more-than-I-want-this-life moment. I was frustrated from thinking of all the things I could work on, or do better, or start doing to move my faith forward -- and that I knew I would fail at those things every single day. Very discouraging. Then, I realized that heaven would release me from that - I will spend the rest of eternity focused solely on the fact that I am with my Creator - I am loved, I am in community and I am complete. I wanted it so badly that it actually made me a little nervous.

The times I've found myself most spiritually frustrated or confused have been times when I was struggling with the hypocritical, painful, really hard stuff that happens in our lives. I think that "eternity" (or the need for our heavenly home) calls to us - and that can be really confusing, because this life is all we know. It seems weird to WANT to be heaven, since that implies wanting to die. Happy, well-adjusted people don't want to die, right? When I read your post, I recognized myself, and my heart ached a little - I've thought those same things at times, and been completely frustrated by apparent contradictions and people who don't walk the talk, and the fact that I know that in my heart, I'm thinking something mean, even though my actions may not indicate that.

I just wanted to throw the idea out there that maybe your frustration runs even deeper than you think - maybe, when God looks at your heart, He doesn't just see that you "don't want to" obey Him - maybe underneath that layer, there is a deep yearning for something more than this life - where you are wrestling with eternity, and the fact that it's not here. I get nervous too when I think that God "examines my heart" - but I know that underneath all my sinfulness, deceit, selfishness and pride - He sees a desire for Him and for eternity, that although I may want to ACT sinfully sometimes, I don't want to BE that person.

I'm not sure if that helps at all - feel free to tell me it still sounds like I'm talking gibberish - but I hope it cleared up what I said a little.

joe said...

that makes me so happy to know that you took all that time and effort to explain that to me. and yes, it cleared a crap-load of stuff up for me. thanks Katie. seriously!

Katie said...

thanks for taking the time to read it all! it got a little long-winded - and I'm so glad it helped! :)