Wednesday, April 23, 2008

home again, home again

We are back.
This old news, as we've been back since Sunday evening.
I, however, have been swimming through suitcases, laundry & dishes, and enjoying the fact that I am sleeping in my own bed, changing my baby in her own room, and eating at my own table.
Thus, my blog has been neglected.
But here we are - and without one single picture of The Girl in her cute HOSA outfit. It turns out that taking a 2-month-old to her daddy's biggest conference of the year is not quite an easy-as-pie adventure. Overall, it went really really well - but I was a wee bit busy. She was the hit of the conference too - we couldn't walk more than 25 feet without someone stopping to say hi to her. Very fun.
And after interrupting her normal routine for a few nights - our girl is back, as of last night, to sleeping well again. She got 7.5 hours in the first stretch, and is still in her bed right now. Phew! She's been cranky the past few days from being SO. TIRED. Hopefully this will help, because the crankiness - oh my.
It's driven me to a few Mama moments in the past week that have gotten me thinking.
When I'm dealing with a cranky baby, mostly, I feel bad for the poor kid. She's tired, or gassy, or generally bothered by something - and all she can do is cry. And since she has no words, the best I can do is guess at what's bothering her. But I cannot make her sleep. I cannot always fix it. I know God must feel that way a lot of the time when He watches us, when He listens to our prayers and pleas.
But is there a teeny, tiny part of His brain that wishes we would just stop?? Does that little corner ever peep, "Remember what it was like before You made Adam?" Never to wish away His creations, but to remember with a smile The Days Before. To want a day, an hour or even a minute where He wasn't The One in Charge.
I don't know the answer to that question. Maybe He never feels that way. Which is totally awesome and impressive to me.
Or maybe He does. Which is still totally awesome and impressive because that means that in spite of us driving Him nutty sometimes, His arms are still always open, there is no I told you so... He is simply filled with compassion and grace.
I'm a little ashamed to admit that I do sometimes wish for release. Just for a moment, to not be the Mama. To be selfish and lazy and only have to worry about myself. But I'd never, ever wish her away. God is using motherhood to teach me more about me and more about Him than ever before. Sometimes, I think - more than I care to know. *wink*
And oh, the beautiful, sweet little package these lessons come in - she has stolen my heart.

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