Tuesday, October 14, 2008

it's a funny thing

I'm feeling Moderately Baffled by life lately. Just in a tilt-your-head-to-the-side-and-give-it-a-little-scratch kind of way.

Of course, at any given time, I am Mildly/Moderately/Severely Baffled by all kinds of things, so this is not to say that I am feeling anything particularly profound or novel. I am currently just feeling moved to report to my faithful bloggie friends about it. Lucky you.

At the moment, I am Moderately Baffled by:

1. Answers to prayer. Especially things that have been on my heart for a long time. It's odd and a bit surreal to finally see fruit in some of those areas, and I realize that part of me may have started to believe that I would be forever praying and always hearing "My plan is different from your plan" in response.

And at the same time, being baffled by "not yet" responses to other prayer requests. I am not upset (yet, although that may come)... just perplexed.

2. The fact that I am me. That sounds really weird, I know... but I have been adjusting to this huge new addition to my personality (Katie the Mama) for the past 8 months, and the more she cleaves to the Old Katie, the more I see of mySelf coming back into my sightlines. Of course, I will always be learning about Katie the Mama, especially as her role grows and changes over the years to come - but the Old Katie is rearing her head back up, and now I am mentally wrestling with incorporating bits of her back into my day to day life.

The Old Katie loved to learn and be mentally (academically) fed and challenged - and that's been missing for awhile. I am (and pretty much always have been) a school nerd. I missed it while I was working full-time, but there was usually enough mental challenge at work that I was still satisfied in this arena. Having a baby sucked out my brains - but they are slowly returning and they are hungry. Not sure how to feed them... or what exactly I want to feed them.

3. The Babynut. Of course, she will probably always be moderately baffling to me, at least. She is, after all, her own separate, unique person, and only God will ever truly know the inner workings of her heart. But as her true, beautiful, passionate, God-given personality grows more apparent by the day - I am learning about her.

And making progress (which is good!) But similar to the prayer-thing... I'm a bit baffled that I am making progress. Again, I think I let myself think that I would forever be struggling to "figure her out." And I'm sure I will, but only because new facets of herself will present themselves to me. That doesn't mean that as time passes and we grow together, that I won't be able to study and learn bits and pieces - and learn how to respond/react/deal in a way that honors and respects both of our unique personalities.

In conclusion to a long and somewhat verbose meandering brain-dump...
Cute Baby Pictures.

Hazel & Dave:

Hazel has her daddy's expressive forehead:

Sweet smiles.

2 thoughts:

lu said...

I think I've been a mom for too long because this entire post has baffled me!

Sounds like you are coming to a peace about some things - great!


Tiffany said...

What a cutie she is!!