Sunday, February 01, 2009

funny little contradictions

Opposites attract... so "they" say.

I'm not sure if I agree, or if I am more inclined to notice the white when it's set against something black... if the dark is shadowier because of the bright lights that are shining nearby.

This week has been full of small moments playing host to large contradictions. (While that sentence seems really cool when I read it, I'm sure it makes very little actual sense). Allow me to explain:

I have felt a bit used up, empty and dried out - Michigan winters coupled with endless household tasks can do that to a gal. The next thing I know, I'm feeling so very full of precarious emotion that it takes actual physical energy to keep myself in check (I'm sure some of this is hormone-related, but that doesn't mean my volatility is any less real). I could barely sing along with the worship team this morning at church because I just wanted to sit down and bawl.

Hazel's been a bit trying lately - we're still battling sleep issues (shocker!!) - the past two nights have been downright putrid, and her naps have been, if anything, worse than that. I felt like we were making such progress, and then to struggle so hard just to get her poor little worn-out self to get the rest it needs... it's disheartening. But this week has also been sprinkled with wonderful, God-graced times of laughter and sheer joy that I get to be her Mama... she is so smart and funny - growing and learning and displaying her spunky little personality. I just love watching her grow and change.

I don't think I could really describe this past week holistically... it's been ridiculously hard and wonderfully relaxing, a little monotonous and vigorously emotional, frustrating to the point of groaning out loud and so uplifting it makes me want to dance.

Really, I don't think these opposites are attracting each other - but I can find some joy and wisdom in their stark contrast.

I will walk through valleys and under clouds, knowing that there are still waters and rays of sunshine waiting for me.

I don't need to force myself to appear strong and together and happy all the time - but I do need to set my heart on the joy of the everlasting each morning.

Sometimes my days feel like a mini-war-zone... but I can guard my mind with the peace of God.

So here's to another week of funny little contradictions.