two times

It's looming.

A very familiar thrilled-and-terrified-and-impatient cloud hovers above my home, or more accurately, above my head (Eeyore-style, only it's not a gloomy raincloud).

There is a strong resemblance to the wonderings of early 2008 - and yet, it is markedly different.

What will this baby look like? Be like? Is this baby a precious new daughter or a beloved new son? Will I be a good mama? Will I know what to do? What will my life look like on the other side?

Because I have "been there" once before, I know the answers to these questions more clearly than I did before the birth of my daughter... but only in the sense that I *know* I have no idea.

I am standing on the edge of becoming a mama of two. The mama in a family of four.

I am standing on the edge - raising up on tiptoe to peer into beyond, hoping for some glimpse of what is to come, praying that the next few weeks will bring me closer to becoming the woman God has made me to be.

And He is bringing me calm (okay, I know it's the calm before the storm - but it's still a blessed, heavenly calm) - not in practical, day-to-day terms (I have a toddler in the house, folks)... but in my heart. I feel myself beginning to rest deeply. My heart is ready to discover how beautifully it can stretch to hold love for another tiny being. My mind is slowing down, knowing that I cannot plan everything, knowing that the next few months will turn my world upside-down and shake it like a snow globe... but that we will emerge, right-side-up in a world more lovely and intriguing than before.

There have been many, many blessings in my life that have altered me forever.

I love and am loved by a man of God - one who will never leave me of his own accord, in whom I trust completely.

I was given the precious gift and responsibility of motherhood in February 2008 - in the shape of a tiny, dark-haired wiggly baby girl.... who has since become a tiny, blonde-haired wiggly toddler girl.

And now, I get to be a mama again.

What a gift to be allowed to be called "Mama" by one child - to have small, soft, chubby arms wrap around my neck and a little face bury itself in my neck - to look into one girl's sparkly eyes and see love.

But two times? To be mama two times??

I can barely comprehend the treasure.