Friday, September 28, 2007

coming home

Mark got home last night a little before midnight. This may sound weird, but I love to wake up to the sound of him coming home - I can follow footsteps up the stairs, down the hall, and listen sleepily as he crawls into bed next to me. He does his best to be silent, but was lucky enough to marry a woman with super-human night-time hearing. I'll wake up to almost anything. There's just such comfort in waking up to familiar sounds, made by one you know and love so well. There are limited places and people in our lives that give us that feeling - and I think God sets it up that way on purpose. There is value in intimacy and comfort in the closeness that true community brings. The combination of truly knowing someone and truly loving them - it kinda knocks me off my feet.
It made me think. Most of my life, this is the way healthy relationships have progressed (by way of a WAY over-simplified and candy-coated explanation):
1. I meet someone.
2. I spend time with them, getting to know them (this can be fast or slow)
3. I grow to love them - who they are, what they bring to my life, and who God has made them to be.
However - God knows and loves us all the time. He doesn't wait until we spend "enough" time with Him for Him to realize that we "get along well" together. He doesn't like us better when we make Him laugh, or let Him know we're thinking of Him. He just knows us and loves us.
Cut to today. We had our almost-21-week ultrasound this morning.
It. Was. Awesome.
As I watched tiny hands and feet wiggling back and forth, a little mouth opening and closing, and heard a tiny heart pumping... I realized that I have NO IDEA what this child will be like. Forget hair color, eye color, or whose nose s/he has... I know nothing.
And yet I am overflowing with love. A tear slid out of my eye as I watched the child God has graced us with. A baby He made - partly Mark, partly me - and wholly His precious child.
And a tiny part of me understood how God can possibly love us the way He does.
I have a feeling motherhood is going to knock me off my feet regularly. Sometimes in ways I appreciate, and sometimes in ways I'll tolerate. But I do so love it when I can feel God molding my heart and opening my eyes.
(If you're up for another long-ish post, check out Heart and Home today. Ashleigh spent some great QT with the Lord today, and was generous enough to share it. Thanks!!)

1 thoughts:

Ashleigh said...

It is amazing the way God uses motherhood to show us more of Himself. I didn't even ever imagine it would be like that until, I think, my first ultrasound, too. I kinda think He does this to our hearts on purpose. ;) Thanks for your thoughts... they brought a tear to my eye. Ah, how I love being a mommy!