the past few days... Part One

Our weekend with the fam was good - thanks for all the happy thoughts and warm wishes! It was a ton of work, but I think that people enjoyed themselves and felt welcome and comfortable and glad to be around each other - and in the end, that's about all you can ask for.

My parents arrived Thursday afternoon, spent time with me and the Nut and then prepared themselves for Friday when they would be stepping into a role no one has truly held but me... All-Day Caretaker(s) for the BabyNut.

(As some of you may/may not know or remember - I've been working from home about 10h/week this (school) year for my old office in the College of Business. On Friday, the office was having a retreat day and they invited me/requested that I be present.)

So I left at 8:20 on Friday morning, not to return home until 3:30 or so - and (I know many of you will find this unthinkable) that is by far the longest I have been away from my girl since her birth. I know, it's weird... but when you're a nursing SAHM... there's not often a ton of reason to leave your kid for 7 or 8 hours at a stretch.

I had a great day. It was a little tough and strange to drive away with no humongous diaper bag and no carseat and no tiny person to look at in the rearview mirror... but a day among adults, talking about familiar things (that are currently completely alien to the life I'm now living),a tasty lunch buffet and some laughter with friends... it was a good thing. However, by a point somewhere near the end of the morning, I found myself feeling rather torn.

Here's the deal: Although it had its days (as all jobs do) - I really enjoyed my professional life. I liked my coworkers, I liked how I spent my days... and I was GOOD at it. I found fulfillment in my work and I received affirmation and satisfaction in tasks well done. I had passion and excitement and determination - and I think it showed and paid off.

Being back with those people, talking about what it means to do our jobs really well and reminding ourselves why we *love* the work we chose to do, even when it's hard... it started to tug at my insides a bit. Because I'm not in that work anymore - my New Job is not working at a large university, helping students make sense of their experience and providing complete and accurate academic information, planning events and enjoying school spirit... but as I sat there, the passion and excitement and determination came back to me. The reminder was both pleasant and unsettling - and here's why:

I have a New Job. I'm going to keep that New Job - I love it and I want it - and I don't want to "go back to work" - not even part-time. And with another bebe on the way - I am even more convinced that the New Job is the best possible place for me to be.

And because of that, I don't necessarily want to be reminded of how much I loved my Old Job and how good I was at it and how meaningful it could be (on the good days). That may sound crazy (and I think it is a bit)... but I'll have to fill you in a little more on my thought process in Part Two.

Right now, it's hubby's birthday and I'm going to go celebrate another year of his life.