Wednesday, June 03, 2009

change of heart

One of the things I struggle with (and always have, honestly) is patience. I don't like to wait for things. Sometimes, it's not such a bad deal - it's more anticipatory than impatient (waiting for a package to arrive in the mail, or being excited for a trip or holiday). Most of the time though - it's just not one of my admirable qualities.

I've known for a long time, obviously, that this is something I'd like/need to work on - but it's becoming more and more apparent these days. Motherhood has a way of bringing light to character issues, I think.

Patience seems central to my ability to have a good day - because really... any day with a toddler is going to try your patience at least a wee bit.

Part of my struggle is tied to the fact that I am an emotional and relational being. I have emotional reactions to MANY things throughout my day (this sounds bad, and it is sometimes, but not always). It really just means that it is very easy for my good day/bad day to slip out of my control - because my emotions are easily influenced by what is happening (ie, things I cannot often control) - I get out of whack.

On my patient days, I am much better at keeping my emotions under control - things that would normally be frustrating or inconvenient do not have much impact on my mood or my heart. On the not-so-patient days... well, I can turn into a surly, snarly, easily frustrated Mama/Wife... and no one has fun when she's around.

Given the impending arrival of The Littlest - I figure that a short emotional wick is something better avoided - especially when you throw post-pregnancy hormones and sleep deprivation into the mix.

And so, I begin a journey of prayer, reading, thinking, more prayer... all to try to figure out how best to train myself in Patience... also known as keeping my emotions and moods tied to things eternal, not to the things of today. And I'm finding great verses, good encouragement, and am enjoying my time of prayer...

But I'm finding myself wishing for big, sweeping, overnight change.

In other words, I am impatient.

I think I still have some work to do...

2 thoughts:

Wendy said...

You totally just wrote what I've been thinking about and feeling. Being the mother of a busy toddler and a 3 month old tries my patience so much everyday.

I constantly need to remind myself to pray for patience. If I don't the day turns bad really fast. When I do, the days goes much better and everyone in the Smith household is much happier.

Sarah Halter said...

Good stuff Katie.