nostalgia and newness

It's fall.

I *love* fall. If you know me, you know that already. I love, adore, and treasure fall. I'd snuggle it if I could.

Fall always brings me a sense of nostalgia - of moving on - looking ahead and looking back. It's probably the back-to-school-ness of it all - but I always get a shiver of anticipation laced with the sweet sadness of something ending. And of course, all of that is seasoned with apples, colorful leaves, pumpkins, brisk breezes, comfy sweatshirts and cinnamony-baking-smells. (I've gone and made myself hungry... must. fight. urge. to. go. bake.)

Anyway - this year there is no school. The girls are too young (thank the Lord) and my schedule is no longer intertwined with the university's schedule. But I still find myself peering ahead and sneaking a peek backwards on these fine fall days.

I look back toward pregnancy, toward my days as a Mama of One. Summer is back there too - with late sunsets and warm morning sunshine. It all makes me smile, but I'm not truly sad it's gone. Just savoring the memories.

I look ahead to cooler days, early evenings, mugs of cocoa and snuggles under warm blankets. I look ahead to watching Meriel unfold her little personality with smiles and wiggles and playtime. I look ahead to the little girl Hazel is becoming - so talkative, so smart, so imaginative. I laugh every. single. day. with her - she is such a blessing to my days, and a balm to my sometimes-very-tired-mama heart.

As fall unfolds before us, I pray simply that God would give me feet to fit the path He has laid out, and that I might point to Him as I walk along it.

It's fall.

I *love* fall.

our little world

My world is small but busy these days... here's a few tidbits for you!

Hazel is speaking in sentences... short ones (3 words) - but they're there. Last night it was "Eat the mango." And we did.

Hazel has also started making us "pies" - she runs to the oven and comes back "holding" something in her hand - she gives it to you and laughs like crazy when you "eat" it and tell her how good it is. It's so funny!

Meriel is growing HUGE and smiling at us more and more - she gets lots of kisses and "nuggles" from her big sister. She's very sweet - pretty much only fusses when something is wrong - hungry, needs to burp, or needs to attend to other bodily functions. She's crazy strong and can hold her head steady for a long time already.

Meriel let me sleep for 4 hours STRAIGHT the other night - I see a light glimmering at the end of the tunnel!!

Meriel has a whole MESS of nicknames - she won't have any idea what her actual name is if we keep this up! She gets called Mea, Mera, Maisy (rhymes with Hazey), Miggs (Meriel sounded like Miggle for awhile when Hazel said her name) and Gigi (short for Grunt & Grumble - she is a NOISY baby!!). :) We'll have to see which ones stick...

And a few pictures to enjoy:

A squeaky clean Miggs!













Hazey at the apple orchard, enjoying a treat and watching her Papa (my dad):

comfort

I Will Arise and Go To Jesus

Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power

I will arise and go to Jesus;
He will embrace me in his arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
There are ten thousand charms

Come ye thirsty, come and welcome,
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings You nigh

Come ye weary, heavy-laden
Bruised and ruined by the Fall
If you tarry 'til you're better
You will never come at all

I will arise and go to Jesus;
He will embrace me in his arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
There are ten thousand charms.
------

I have never sung this song without tears pouring down my face.

When my daughter is hurt or frightened - she wears her pain and her fears all
across her face, without shame.  Her emotions are genuine, and she makes no
apology for it.  No thought crosses her mind that she might pretend to feel any
other way.  She is not compelled to put on a brave face or to "suck it up."  No
embarrassment exists for the intensity of her feelings. Her face crumples, tears
flow freely... and then she arises and comes to me, or to her daddy, arms
outstretched.  She knows she will find comfort in our embrace, and she gladly settles
herself against her parents.  She is safe, and she is loved.

The image of my daughter - full of pure emotion, and equally full of pure trust -
seeking me for comfort... and knowing that I would drop everything to be her
safety... it's so compelling.

Jesus loves me like that.  And there are days when all I want is to be little
again - to be unashamed of my emotion, to feel it unnecessary to be any
stronger than I actually am... and to simply walk, arms outstretched,  into the
embrace of someone bigger, someone who loves me unconditionally and wholly...

And while there are days when I find myself a tiny bit jealous of Hazel and a
tiny bit weary of my adult-ness, my responsibilities, and my self-consciousness...
while I do occasionally wish I could have a real, human pair of arms wrapped
around me that way... I am so incredibly grateful to have the love of my Jesus. 
Even though He cannot physically sit on my couch, wipe the tears off my face
and hold my head against His shoulder...

I have never sung this song without crying.