coming home

Mark got home last night a little before midnight. This may sound weird, but I love to wake up to the sound of him coming home - I can follow footsteps up the stairs, down the hall, and listen sleepily as he crawls into bed next to me. He does his best to be silent, but was lucky enough to marry a woman with super-human night-time hearing. I'll wake up to almost anything. There's just such comfort in waking up to familiar sounds, made by one you know and love so well. There are limited places and people in our lives that give us that feeling - and I think God sets it up that way on purpose. There is value in intimacy and comfort in the closeness that true community brings. The combination of truly knowing someone and truly loving them - it kinda knocks me off my feet.
It made me think. Most of my life, this is the way healthy relationships have progressed (by way of a WAY over-simplified and candy-coated explanation):
1. I meet someone.
2. I spend time with them, getting to know them (this can be fast or slow)
3. I grow to love them - who they are, what they bring to my life, and who God has made them to be.
However - God knows and loves us all the time. He doesn't wait until we spend "enough" time with Him for Him to realize that we "get along well" together. He doesn't like us better when we make Him laugh, or let Him know we're thinking of Him. He just knows us and loves us.
Cut to today. We had our almost-21-week ultrasound this morning.
It. Was. Awesome.
As I watched tiny hands and feet wiggling back and forth, a little mouth opening and closing, and heard a tiny heart pumping... I realized that I have NO IDEA what this child will be like. Forget hair color, eye color, or whose nose s/he has... I know nothing.
And yet I am overflowing with love. A tear slid out of my eye as I watched the child God has graced us with. A baby He made - partly Mark, partly me - and wholly His precious child.
And a tiny part of me understood how God can possibly love us the way He does.
I have a feeling motherhood is going to knock me off my feet regularly. Sometimes in ways I appreciate, and sometimes in ways I'll tolerate. But I do so love it when I can feel God molding my heart and opening my eyes.
(If you're up for another long-ish post, check out Heart and Home today. Ashleigh spent some great QT with the Lord today, and was generous enough to share it. Thanks!!)

preparations

I chatted with my mom last night - we're trying to figure out a way to have a baby shower (hosted by her) but held here. And it's not always easy to plan events from 4 hours away. We'll give it a go.
It made me think about all the little (and big!) things on my "Baby" list that need to be done. There are registries, decorations, furniture, etc... It's funny how easy it is to focus on these things. They seem so big, yet when I am able to breathe and focus - I re-realize how very small they really are in comparison to the rest of my "To-Do" items. I've decided to make a new list - of the things that are infinitely more important, and much more likely to be overlooked in the day-to-day busy-ness of life.
Katie's Revised Baby To-Do List
1. Remember that this child is a precious son or daughter of the King. In no way does it, or will it ever belong to me or to Mark.
2. Pray diligently. For health, wisdom, patience, insight, trust, faith... and for the unknown future of this little one. May God be glorified every step of the way.
3. Enjoy all the little moments alone with my husband. We will soon be a family of three, and "our" time is precious.
4. Be in the moment. I have a tendency to look forward and make plans. I find myself looking at February as "the beginning." But I've been sharing life with this little one for almost five months. It is now. And these days are not to be undervalued.
5. Look to the Lord. Not just in motherhood, or as someone who tries every day to become a more godly wife... but as His daughter. I can find rest in the shadow of His wings. When I remember that my life is not my own - He gives peace and joy that cannot be explained. I love that.

halfway??

According to doctors and textbooks and all things scientific - I'm officially "halfway" through pregnancy. Now, this doesn't really mean much, as (a) no one knows when Baby B will actually grace our lives with his/her presence and (b) pregnancy "starts" about 2 weeks or so before conception. Which I still think is a tiny bit bizarre, but that's okay. I'm no doctor/scientist, so I'll just believe what they tell me.
My mom took this picture this weekend (that's her lovely dining room). Check out the BELLY on that girl who's supposedly only "halfway" there! Our family has a history of big babies (usually about 9-pounders) - sp I'm well aware that I'm probably growing a "healthy" sized Li'l B, but sheesh! :)
People are already surprised to hear that I'm not further along. I was thinking that wouldn't happen to me until I was more like 6 months pregnant. Oh well. We have our midterm ultrasound on Friday morning - we'll see if Baby B is really kinda big, or if it's just me. (eek!)

wiggles, hair & travel

1. Baby B is getting wigglier by the day - still settles down as soon as I try for Mark to be able to feel it (li'l stinker), but it's really fun. "They" say that the baby is about 10 inches long right now, and is closing in on one pound. It seems so tiny and SO BIG at the same time.
2. I had a hair appointment yesterday - just a trim, since I want it to get a little longer. But I DID go for bangs. I've had them before (recently) and I tend to keep 'em for awhile, then grow them out again. For now, I like them. They help frame my face better. (And as it's getting bigger as pregnancy progresses - that's a good thing).
3. I'm traveling to IL to visit with the fam this weekend, and coming back Monday morning (took a vacation day to help with the solo traveling exhaustion). Mark will be gone until Late Thursday Night (in Washington DC for work), so I thought a little traveling would help keep me busy. It's been about a month since I've been home - it will be good to see them.
4. Enjoy your weekend!!

missing in action

It's been awhile since I've blogged (six days - SUCH a slacker!), and it's also been awhile since I've posted something substantial (i.e. more than catching up on sleep and freezer mishaps). So here goes.
This Sunday at 11:00am (give or take) found me standing in the third row at church with tears pouring down my face (I'm normally a front-row-lover, but we sacrificed the fave position to sit with some friends). We were singing Amazing Grace, and had just sat through one of those sermons that leaves you feeling overwhelmed by God's grace, completely unworthy, and ashamed of the small, selfish life it's so easy to get wrapped up inside. As if the stress and frustrations of my life (finding maternity clothes that fit, trying to get all the laundry done, fighting off a cold) are anything compared to some of the hurt and pain that is experienced around the globe every single day.

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God's friend. You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

I'm not quite sure what to do about this yet... but the impact of knowing that ultimately, God has saved us by sending Jesus, but on a smaller level, He is saving people by sending US... that's not something I can not respond to.

what a difference!

Yesterday I walked through my day in a fog. After the busiest weeks of the year work-wise, and weekends of traveling and late nights - my poor body was running into the ground. I could feel it in my bones.
Last night I did virtually nothing (except have a few more snacks than I probably should have). I laid on the couch, read a little bit, and fell asleep watching reruns of Friends (it never gets old to me!)
I feel so. much. BETTER. today!! One good night's sleep can definitely make a world of difference.
On another note - I'm having a blast doing all kinds of baby-related research (like any crazy new-mama-to-be). I've surprised myself with unanticipated interest in things like natural childbirth, cloth diapers (including cloth wipes) and making my own baby food. I'm soaking up everything I can get my hands on. If anyone out there (I honestly have NO idea how many "lurkers" I have) has any experience or insight with these things - I'll take it!! I've already pestered a few people I've "met" online, and am SO PLEASED with the wealth of information - from real people (not just websites that are trying to get me to buy their fabulous product!) Leave me a note - or if you have a LOT to say, just click the "Email me!" link over on the righthand side!

kicked around

I'm definitely starting to feel some movements, courtesy of Baby B. It's wild, incredible and a little weird all at once. I'm sure no one else will be able to feel anything for a few more weeks - but I'm enjoying this Mama-Baby connection!
As soon as I'm done with work today, we're headed out for the weekend - our annual trip with the Lansing area YoungLife leaders to do some planning and enjoy our lovely camp. It should be really fun, although my new sleeping schedule (10:00pm-5:30am) is not exactly compatible with college students (98% of the people who'll be there with me). We'll see how it goes!

I guess it needed to be cleaned...

We had a lovely weekend.
Lots of down time, and lots of deciding what we wanted to do on the spur of the moment.
Walking to downtown Mason for breakfast on Saturday morning, renting movies, eating ribs with the neighbors, visiting with family, running errands... oh - and cleaning out the freezer. (We discovered the door of the freezer was open after church on Sunday morning, which resulted in a mass-exodus of all the lovely frozen foods we'd been collecting. *sigh*)
Throwing away recently-perfectly-good-food hurts me a little. And after the purple-pen-in-the-dryer incident a few weeks ago, I feel like we've been throwing away a lot of formerly-perfectly-good things.
Maybe God thinks we need to de-clutter a little.
I can't really argue with Him.
At any rate - our weekend was incredibly refreshing - what did you do?