Thursday, February 07, 2008

horizons

It's about 8:20 on a Thursday morning. I'm on the couch, laptop on my legs (I don't really have a lap anymore...), wearing big old sweatpants and a tshirt that doesn't quite disguise the squirmy wormy little one in my belly.
Last week (and many, many weeks prior to that) I would have been at work for at least an hour, prepping myself for the days' appointments, answering emails, and chatting with coworkers about the upcoming day or their plans for the weekend.
Times have already changed so much.
I've never been someone who was too afraid of or resistant to change. Even as a little kid - I always wanted to be a little older - was so excited to someday move on to "the next big thing." It's a good trait in some ways, and a bit of a shortcoming in others. I appreciate my ability to not hold on too hard to the past, especially because changes, both big and little, are inevitable. I set goals about who I think God wants me to become, and I work hard toward becoming that woman "someday." But I also find myself living in the future when I maybe should be living in the moment. Especially when the moment is a little trying.
I've always pretty much known I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. The decision I made when I got pregnant to leave my job was not a tough one to make. But I underestimated how much I'd enjoy working. Now, I fully anticipate that the rewards and challenges of my new career in full-time mommyhood will be more intense and genuine than any I've experienced before. And I'm so excited.
But it's not here yet.
And my tendency is to watch the horizon, and wait (hopefully) patiently for what is to come.
But then I'm neglecting the moment. And since I know my God, and that He does all things with a purpose that works for the good of those who love Him... He's got something in mind for this time. I don't want to miss that either.
And so I will try to take advantage of these days and hours - and instead of thinking about how badly I want to meet this child and embark on this new & unknown journey - I will appreciate the moments I have been given. Moments of quiet and rest, of time with God and with friends. I will enjoy the life stretching and moving in my belly - it will be a sensation gone all too soon. I will try to listen to the wind, to the small whisper - because that's where God usually is.
There are beautiful things on the horizon... but there are beautiful things here today as well.

2 thoughts:

Mary C said...

Oh my goodness! I just looked at your "timeline" at the top-only 5 more days? How exciting!

I think the end of the pregnancy is harder than any other time in terms of being content. You're so excited to meet this new person, and then there's the fact that it could happen at any minute! You don't have that kind of anticipation during any other month.

My advice? Sleep as much as you can these next few days! :)

Kaycee said...

Personally, I am impressed you are posting this at 8:18am when you are home and Baby B is not here yet! I am not as far along as you but with my current energy level I think I would be sleeping at 8am still!! :) I can't believe Baby B is almost here - I am soooo excited for you. I think you have the right idea, try to enjoy these last few minutes or hours or days before the big arrival!!