Thursday, October 16, 2008

stepping out

I am not a risk-taker.

I think I used to be. Or at least, I used to be more of a risk-taker than I am today. At least when it comes to Things That Matter.

Oh, I'll ride big tall rollercoasters (and love 'em).

And I'll chop my hair off (heck, it always grows back).

But in actuality - I am habitually a person who is pretty good at appearing all-put-together and actually terrified of putting myself out there.

I don't like to call up new friends and ask them to do things. It feels like dating, and I never was very good at dating, and it's always weird when they say no (even for a really good reason). Do you call back, keep trying - or does that make you seem strange and desperate?

I second-guess myself when I reach out with a note, a phone call, an email... if I don't hear back within a reasonable amount of time (or whatever my silly little head has deemed "reasonable") then I am sure that I have alienated them, said something weird, and now have to figure out how to undo the damage without wreaking any more havoc.

I'm not sure where this nervous, wimpy, non-risk-taker gal came from... or when exactly she moved in and took over my mind and body... but I'd like to evict her.

I want to be bold because of who I am in Christ. I want to remember that I can have and be all kinds of things (good things!) but if I don't have love, if I don't live love for others... I have nothing. I want to focus on the fact that my rewards are in heaven - not on Earth... and the only things that satisfy are from God.

But lately God has been showing me glimpses - giving me snippets of His power and His grace, and how He has designed our lives... and I hear Him calling me, gently but urgently, to take more risks.

And I have. And although sometimes it's more than I bargained for - it feels great.

Funny how God always seems to know what's best, huh? I mean - what is up with that??

1 thoughts:

lauren michelle said...

Can I get an "AMEN!"?

Goodness girl, I sure do miss my Katie Burley. YOU ARE BOLD and beautiful and alot of other awesome words that would write a book if I put them all in here.

Funny how I think our personalities are so incredibly the same, but you do such a better job of describing them.

If I need to learn something about myself...I just read your blog :]