We (Hazel, Meriel and I) are visiting Nana and Papa this week - two states away from Daddy and home - and are, as always, WELL cared for.
As Daddy has his bachelor weekend (he's been telling people that he's "bach-ing it"), we are doing the same things in a new place. There is playing (with new toys), reading (of new books), diaper changing (in a new room)... and bedtime - in a new place.
Our little girl is now big enough to *know* that this is NOT her home. And although she is completely comfortable here - plays well and behaves herself and is giggly and silly and everything a little girl should be - she was not happy to sleep in a new place last night.
Nana and Papa stayed by her side, holding her, rubbing her back, and telling her to "take a deep breath" - until her little body relaxed into sleep.
What an excellent reminder - that so often, a simple break, a second to take a deep breath - is all we need to appreciate that Someone IS there to hold us and comfort us - and that it is okay to relax and let go.
My Comforter is with me wherever I go - His arms are around me, I am protected and guided and cherished... and He is waiting to remind me to simply "take a deep breath" - so that I might put down my heavy load and pick up the easy burden and light yoke He is offering.
And so, today, I take a deep breath.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
the more things change...
Sesame Street has become a part of our day - not every day, but a couple times a week. It's so different from when I was a kid - and yet so the same. Different characters are in the limelight, and the songs are much jazzier, R & Bish versions of what I remember... but it's still good ol' Sesame Street.
My life feels a little bit that way right now - very different from that of 6 months ago, and incredibly different from 2 years ago.
Today there are two little ladies who are entirely dependent on Mark and me - for everything. Food, water, clothes, warmth, comfort, love, learning. Everything.
I have very little control over when and how much I get to sleep. Or shower, for that matter.
My living room is cluttered with board books, blocks, stuffed animals, baby blankets and spit rags.
My pantry is stocked with fruit snacks and graham crackers shaped like bunnies, and Cheerios.
Today I got up before 6am to hang out with my weirdly-awake little Hazelnut.
She made me laugh, gave me some great snuggles, and shared my yogurt at breakfast.
I've given Meriel a bath, changed a few diapers, wiped tears and put tiny socks on tiny feet again and again.
Sometimes I get frustrated with how little of my life is mine - but then I'm reminded that IT ISN'T MINE. It's God's. It never was mine... I was just better able to believe that it was a few years ago.
And so even though the day-to-day mechanics of my life bear little to no resemblance to the mechanics of years past... the fact that things are different helps remind me that nothing has changed.
My life feels a little bit that way right now - very different from that of 6 months ago, and incredibly different from 2 years ago.
Today there are two little ladies who are entirely dependent on Mark and me - for everything. Food, water, clothes, warmth, comfort, love, learning. Everything.
I have very little control over when and how much I get to sleep. Or shower, for that matter.
My living room is cluttered with board books, blocks, stuffed animals, baby blankets and spit rags.
My pantry is stocked with fruit snacks and graham crackers shaped like bunnies, and Cheerios.
Today I got up before 6am to hang out with my weirdly-awake little Hazelnut.
She made me laugh, gave me some great snuggles, and shared my yogurt at breakfast.
I've given Meriel a bath, changed a few diapers, wiped tears and put tiny socks on tiny feet again and again.
Sometimes I get frustrated with how little of my life is mine - but then I'm reminded that IT ISN'T MINE. It's God's. It never was mine... I was just better able to believe that it was a few years ago.
And so even though the day-to-day mechanics of my life bear little to no resemblance to the mechanics of years past... the fact that things are different helps remind me that nothing has changed.
Friday, October 02, 2009
getting to know you
Getting to know all abooouut youuuuuu....
Any King and I fans out there?
I'm not sure why it strikes me as a bit odd that we have to get to know our children. Maybe it's because my role as a parent is completely different from any family-role I've had before... I never felt like I had to "get to know" my siblings or my parents... they were just there. And I knew them. Or, in the case of my parents, didn't necessarily ever consider them as people to get to know. Just Mom and Dad.
My brain forgot, just a bit, the process of getting to know your new baby. Hazel and I have been thick as thieves since she was born, and we've only spent 3.5 nights apart EVER (1.5 of those nights being me in the hospital, having Meriel) - and the first night apart wasn't until she was 17 months old. And although I will always be getting to know her as she grows and changes, I've gotten to feel that I know Hazel pretty durn well.
Then along came Meriel... and I remember the not-knowing. Love comes immediately - I'd turn myself inside out for her... but the connection isn't quite the same yet, and I can tell that it's because we are still getting to know her. Granted - at almost-7-weeks-old, there's not a TON to know, relatively speaking... but I feel a little bit of a gap because of it. It fills my heart up to know that the road of finding out who she is, who God made her to be, lies ahead of us. Each little smile, each coo, each fuss... each moment gives me another piece of the puzzle as to who she is.
Sometimes it has been tough, lots of times it has been joyful - and it is all precious, this process of knowing our children.
I wonder if God feels that way about us as we grow... except for the fact that He already knows everything... but is there a sense of anticipation - of knowing that something wonderful is coming up - and anxiously awaiting its arrival? He knows what the picture will look like when it's finished - but is there a sometimes-heartwrenching joy in the watching?
I hope so.
Any King and I fans out there?
I'm not sure why it strikes me as a bit odd that we have to get to know our children. Maybe it's because my role as a parent is completely different from any family-role I've had before... I never felt like I had to "get to know" my siblings or my parents... they were just there. And I knew them. Or, in the case of my parents, didn't necessarily ever consider them as people to get to know. Just Mom and Dad.
My brain forgot, just a bit, the process of getting to know your new baby. Hazel and I have been thick as thieves since she was born, and we've only spent 3.5 nights apart EVER (1.5 of those nights being me in the hospital, having Meriel) - and the first night apart wasn't until she was 17 months old. And although I will always be getting to know her as she grows and changes, I've gotten to feel that I know Hazel pretty durn well.
Then along came Meriel... and I remember the not-knowing. Love comes immediately - I'd turn myself inside out for her... but the connection isn't quite the same yet, and I can tell that it's because we are still getting to know her. Granted - at almost-7-weeks-old, there's not a TON to know, relatively speaking... but I feel a little bit of a gap because of it. It fills my heart up to know that the road of finding out who she is, who God made her to be, lies ahead of us. Each little smile, each coo, each fuss... each moment gives me another piece of the puzzle as to who she is.
Sometimes it has been tough, lots of times it has been joyful - and it is all precious, this process of knowing our children.
I wonder if God feels that way about us as we grow... except for the fact that He already knows everything... but is there a sense of anticipation - of knowing that something wonderful is coming up - and anxiously awaiting its arrival? He knows what the picture will look like when it's finished - but is there a sometimes-heartwrenching joy in the watching?
I hope so.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
nostalgia and newness
It's fall.
I *love* fall. If you know me, you know that already. I love, adore, and treasure fall. I'd snuggle it if I could.
Fall always brings me a sense of nostalgia - of moving on - looking ahead and looking back. It's probably the back-to-school-ness of it all - but I always get a shiver of anticipation laced with the sweet sadness of something ending. And of course, all of that is seasoned with apples, colorful leaves, pumpkins, brisk breezes, comfy sweatshirts and cinnamony-baking-smells. (I've gone and made myself hungry... must. fight. urge. to. go. bake.)
Anyway - this year there is no school. The girls are too young (thank the Lord) and my schedule is no longer intertwined with the university's schedule. But I still find myself peering ahead and sneaking a peek backwards on these fine fall days.
I look back toward pregnancy, toward my days as a Mama of One. Summer is back there too - with late sunsets and warm morning sunshine. It all makes me smile, but I'm not truly sad it's gone. Just savoring the memories.
I look ahead to cooler days, early evenings, mugs of cocoa and snuggles under warm blankets. I look ahead to watching Meriel unfold her little personality with smiles and wiggles and playtime. I look ahead to the little girl Hazel is becoming - so talkative, so smart, so imaginative. I laugh every. single. day. with her - she is such a blessing to my days, and a balm to my sometimes-very-tired-mama heart.
As fall unfolds before us, I pray simply that God would give me feet to fit the path He has laid out, and that I might point to Him as I walk along it.
It's fall.
I *love* fall.
I *love* fall. If you know me, you know that already. I love, adore, and treasure fall. I'd snuggle it if I could.
Fall always brings me a sense of nostalgia - of moving on - looking ahead and looking back. It's probably the back-to-school-ness of it all - but I always get a shiver of anticipation laced with the sweet sadness of something ending. And of course, all of that is seasoned with apples, colorful leaves, pumpkins, brisk breezes, comfy sweatshirts and cinnamony-baking-smells. (I've gone and made myself hungry... must. fight. urge. to. go. bake.)
Anyway - this year there is no school. The girls are too young (thank the Lord) and my schedule is no longer intertwined with the university's schedule. But I still find myself peering ahead and sneaking a peek backwards on these fine fall days.
I look back toward pregnancy, toward my days as a Mama of One. Summer is back there too - with late sunsets and warm morning sunshine. It all makes me smile, but I'm not truly sad it's gone. Just savoring the memories.
I look ahead to cooler days, early evenings, mugs of cocoa and snuggles under warm blankets. I look ahead to watching Meriel unfold her little personality with smiles and wiggles and playtime. I look ahead to the little girl Hazel is becoming - so talkative, so smart, so imaginative. I laugh every. single. day. with her - she is such a blessing to my days, and a balm to my sometimes-very-tired-mama heart.
As fall unfolds before us, I pray simply that God would give me feet to fit the path He has laid out, and that I might point to Him as I walk along it.
It's fall.
I *love* fall.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
our little world
My world is small but busy these days... here's a few tidbits for you!
Hazel is speaking in sentences... short ones (3 words) - but they're there. Last night it was "Eat the mango." And we did.
Hazel has also started making us "pies" - she runs to the oven and comes back "holding" something in her hand - she gives it to you and laughs like crazy when you "eat" it and tell her how good it is. It's so funny!
Meriel is growing HUGE and smiling at us more and more - she gets lots of kisses and "nuggles" from her big sister. She's very sweet - pretty much only fusses when something is wrong - hungry, needs to burp, or needs to attend to other bodily functions. She's crazy strong and can hold her head steady for a long time already.
Meriel let me sleep for 4 hours STRAIGHT the other night - I see a light glimmering at the end of the tunnel!!
Meriel has a whole MESS of nicknames - she won't have any idea what her actual name is if we keep this up! She gets called Mea, Mera, Maisy (rhymes with Hazey), Miggs (Meriel sounded like Miggle for awhile when Hazel said her name) and Gigi (short for Grunt & Grumble - she is a NOISY baby!!). :) We'll have to see which ones stick...
And a few pictures to enjoy:
A squeaky clean Miggs!
Hazey at the apple orchard, enjoying a treat and watching her Papa (my dad):
Hazel is speaking in sentences... short ones (3 words) - but they're there. Last night it was "Eat the mango." And we did.
Hazel has also started making us "pies" - she runs to the oven and comes back "holding" something in her hand - she gives it to you and laughs like crazy when you "eat" it and tell her how good it is. It's so funny!
Meriel is growing HUGE and smiling at us more and more - she gets lots of kisses and "nuggles" from her big sister. She's very sweet - pretty much only fusses when something is wrong - hungry, needs to burp, or needs to attend to other bodily functions. She's crazy strong and can hold her head steady for a long time already.
Meriel let me sleep for 4 hours STRAIGHT the other night - I see a light glimmering at the end of the tunnel!!
Meriel has a whole MESS of nicknames - she won't have any idea what her actual name is if we keep this up! She gets called Mea, Mera, Maisy (rhymes with Hazey), Miggs (Meriel sounded like Miggle for awhile when Hazel said her name) and Gigi (short for Grunt & Grumble - she is a NOISY baby!!). :) We'll have to see which ones stick...
And a few pictures to enjoy:
A squeaky clean Miggs!
Hazey at the apple orchard, enjoying a treat and watching her Papa (my dad):
Sunday, September 06, 2009
comfort
I Will Arise and Go To Jesus
Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power
Come ye sinners, poor and needy
Weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
Full of pity, love and power
I will arise and go to Jesus;
He will embrace me in his arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
There are ten thousand charms
Come ye thirsty, come and welcome,
God's free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings You nigh
Come ye weary, heavy-laden
Bruised and ruined by the Fall
If you tarry 'til you're better
You will never come at all
I will arise and go to Jesus;
He will embrace me in his arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
There are ten thousand charms.
------
I have never sung this song without tears pouring down my face.
When my daughter is hurt or frightened - she wears her pain and her fears all
across her face, without shame. Her emotions are genuine, and she makes no
apology for it. No thought crosses her mind that she might pretend to feel any
other way. She is not compelled to put on a brave face or to "suck it up." No
embarrassment exists for the intensity of her feelings. Her face crumples, tears
flow freely... and then she arises and comes to me, or to her daddy, arms
outstretched. She knows she will find comfort in our embrace, and she gladly settles
herself against her parents. She is safe, and she is loved.
The image of my daughter - full of pure emotion, and equally full of pure trust -
seeking me for comfort... and knowing that I would drop everything to be her
safety... it's so compelling.
Jesus loves me like that. And there are days when all I want is to be little
again - to be unashamed of my emotion, to feel it unnecessary to be any
stronger than I actually am... and to simply walk, arms outstretched, into the
embrace of someone bigger, someone who loves me unconditionally and wholly...
And while there are days when I find myself a tiny bit jealous of Hazel and a
tiny bit weary of my adult-ness, my responsibilities, and my self-consciousness...
while I do occasionally wish I could have a real, human pair of arms wrapped
around me that way... I am so incredibly grateful to have the love of my Jesus.
Even though He cannot physically sit on my couch, wipe the tears off my face
and hold my head against His shoulder...
I have never sung this song without crying.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
back to reality
The past two weeks have been a lovely (albeit strange) little vacation of sorts...
Mark has been off work - so we've been a two-parent household pretty much 24-7... let me tell you, THAT is amazing! Hazel and her Daddy have LOVED the quality time they got to spend together, I loved the company, and watching the bonding between my guy and my girls... it's just wonderful.
And of course, there is the delightful new little person in our home - waking up more and more each day, getting lots of snuggles from her big sister and Mama and Daddy - and just generally making things feel even more home-y and family-ish around here.
Then, of course, there's the part where we are slightly sleep-deprived and frazzled by the adjustment to being parents of two little girls... but I can honestly say that it's WAY easier than I thought it would be... at least so far (famous last words, I know...). The confidence and familiarity that I feel this time makes a HUGE difference - I've taken the girls shopping by myself already, and I'm feeling ready for the next week when Mark goes back to work (even though I know it will be tough - I also know it will be OK).
Hazel is adjusting like a champ - some sleep issues at nighttime - but she loves the heck out of her baby sister and is her cheerful bubbly little self as usual.
Meriel is pretty laid back, pretty chilled out - although she's fussing herself awake as I speak/type... and we're so excited to get to know her little personality better in the days, months and years to come.
Gotta go tend my littlest - here's something to tide you over!
Mark has been off work - so we've been a two-parent household pretty much 24-7... let me tell you, THAT is amazing! Hazel and her Daddy have LOVED the quality time they got to spend together, I loved the company, and watching the bonding between my guy and my girls... it's just wonderful.
And of course, there is the delightful new little person in our home - waking up more and more each day, getting lots of snuggles from her big sister and Mama and Daddy - and just generally making things feel even more home-y and family-ish around here.
Then, of course, there's the part where we are slightly sleep-deprived and frazzled by the adjustment to being parents of two little girls... but I can honestly say that it's WAY easier than I thought it would be... at least so far (famous last words, I know...). The confidence and familiarity that I feel this time makes a HUGE difference - I've taken the girls shopping by myself already, and I'm feeling ready for the next week when Mark goes back to work (even though I know it will be tough - I also know it will be OK).
Hazel is adjusting like a champ - some sleep issues at nighttime - but she loves the heck out of her baby sister and is her cheerful bubbly little self as usual.
Meriel is pretty laid back, pretty chilled out - although she's fussing herself awake as I speak/type... and we're so excited to get to know her little personality better in the days, months and years to come.
Gotta go tend my littlest - here's something to tide you over!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Welcome!
Thrilled to announce the arrival of Meriel Katharine!!
August 16, 2009 (her due date! go figure...)
1:42am
8# and 21 inches (a puny little thing compared to her big sis!)
We're home and doing great - Hazelnut is loving the baby - and having her grandparents around to play with too.
Our family of four:
Daddy and daughter:
Ready to go home on Monday morning:
August 16, 2009 (her due date! go figure...)
1:42am
8# and 21 inches (a puny little thing compared to her big sis!)
We're home and doing great - Hazelnut is loving the baby - and having her grandparents around to play with too.
Our family of four:
Daddy and daughter:
Ready to go home on Monday morning:
Thursday, August 13, 2009
thoughts
As we wait for the arrival of our littlest, it's impossible to keep the whirling thoughts in my brain settled down into neat rows and columns. Instead - I have a tumbling waterfall of mental musings, spilling over the edge, into the pool... splashing bigger speculations and reflections back up off the surface, to be examined again.
They range from intense, soul-searching thoughts to very basic questions.
.....
My heart breaks a teensy tiny bit for Hazel - even though I KNOW that a sibling is a true gift to her... we will lose our Mama-Daughter-Duo act. A chapter is ending - and although the next chapter will be excellent - it's still a little sad.
How will I take a shower with a toddler and a newborn in the house?
My beautiful little daughter is growing up - she will be the BIG sister - and I'm so excited to see the sibling love that will exist between these two critters.
How long can you REALLY hang out, dilated to 5 or 6cm?? Check out a ruler if you want to weird yourself out...
Family of FOUR. Wild.
What about the kidneys? Will it be an easy fix? Are we in for more stretching, more growth, more stepping out in faith than we've ever known? Will my baby be in pain?
Boy? Girl? Name? (we've got the boy's name settled - girl is still up for grabs a little bit)
Will I feel as inside-out as I did after Haze was born - or is there an element, however small, of having "been here before" to the transition?
....
For the record - I'm not overdue (due date is this Sunday) - so my impatience is only founded in knowing that it will likely be VERY soon... and still not knowing exactly when. But Baby is still technically "early" at this point - and s/he is proving to be un-rush-able.
At any rate - we are SO STINKING EXCITED to meet this little one. Trying to wait on God's timing is tough when you're wanting to meet a new person you already are dearly in love with.
They range from intense, soul-searching thoughts to very basic questions.
.....
My heart breaks a teensy tiny bit for Hazel - even though I KNOW that a sibling is a true gift to her... we will lose our Mama-Daughter-Duo act. A chapter is ending - and although the next chapter will be excellent - it's still a little sad.
How will I take a shower with a toddler and a newborn in the house?
My beautiful little daughter is growing up - she will be the BIG sister - and I'm so excited to see the sibling love that will exist between these two critters.
How long can you REALLY hang out, dilated to 5 or 6cm?? Check out a ruler if you want to weird yourself out...
Family of FOUR. Wild.
What about the kidneys? Will it be an easy fix? Are we in for more stretching, more growth, more stepping out in faith than we've ever known? Will my baby be in pain?
Boy? Girl? Name? (we've got the boy's name settled - girl is still up for grabs a little bit)
Will I feel as inside-out as I did after Haze was born - or is there an element, however small, of having "been here before" to the transition?
....
For the record - I'm not overdue (due date is this Sunday) - so my impatience is only founded in knowing that it will likely be VERY soon... and still not knowing exactly when. But Baby is still technically "early" at this point - and s/he is proving to be un-rush-able.
At any rate - we are SO STINKING EXCITED to meet this little one. Trying to wait on God's timing is tough when you're wanting to meet a new person you already are dearly in love with.
Monday, August 10, 2009
keeping promises
As promised - some pictures of our growing little family!!
Tub-time! As long as we're not washing hair - we're golden!!
Playing with Baby's diapers - she likes to put them on her stuffed animals and then change them. She brought down 3 diapers and a stuffed duck this morning - so Daddy & I had some fun of our own!
And the obligatory belly shot - bet you didn't think you would see the ACTUAL belly... Hazel, although it looks like she is bestowing sweet kisses on her little sibling, is actually blowing raspberries on my belly. Another favorite pastime of our little Nut.
My midwife appointment this morning indicates that we could be a family of four before the week is out! I'm at 5+ and almost 100%... so our next post may be big news! (But we know from last time that being dilated doesn't mean labor is imminent!!) Prayers for a safe, speedy, natural delivery and healthy kidneys are coveted!!
Tub-time! As long as we're not washing hair - we're golden!!
Playing with Baby's diapers - she likes to put them on her stuffed animals and then change them. She brought down 3 diapers and a stuffed duck this morning - so Daddy & I had some fun of our own!
And the obligatory belly shot - bet you didn't think you would see the ACTUAL belly... Hazel, although it looks like she is bestowing sweet kisses on her little sibling, is actually blowing raspberries on my belly. Another favorite pastime of our little Nut.
My midwife appointment this morning indicates that we could be a family of four before the week is out! I'm at 5+ and almost 100%... so our next post may be big news! (But we know from last time that being dilated doesn't mean labor is imminent!!) Prayers for a safe, speedy, natural delivery and healthy kidneys are coveted!!
Thursday, August 06, 2009
owls!
The view of Baby's room from the door:
Yes, the walls are ORANGE. (It's called "melon" actually - and I *love* it)
Another view from the door, just a little bit sideways...
The view from the closet corner of the room:
And the view from the bed (mine for a few weeks after Baby arrives)... the closet door was removed to create more room, hence the lovely yellow bedsheet/curtain:
In case you were wondering/couldn't tell - the fabric we used to make the curtains & bedsheets is the most adorable owl print ever... along with some leafy fabric, and a few others we threw in on our own. Turned out pretty well, I think!!
Yes, the walls are ORANGE. (It's called "melon" actually - and I *love* it)
Another view from the door, just a little bit sideways...
The view from the closet corner of the room:
And the view from the bed (mine for a few weeks after Baby arrives)... the closet door was removed to create more room, hence the lovely yellow bedsheet/curtain:
In case you were wondering/couldn't tell - the fabric we used to make the curtains & bedsheets is the most adorable owl print ever... along with some leafy fabric, and a few others we threw in on our own. Turned out pretty well, I think!!
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
coming
I don't have many original thoughts in my head right now.
But I do want to post a few things in the next few days - so here's a preview of what's coming!
- pictures of the Nut. It's been a long time, and she's too cute for words, and growing so fast.
- pictures of Baby's room - it's ready for a teensy tiny occupant, and I'm super happy with how it turned out.
- a belly picture. I really haven't done this much/at all. But I figure - for posterity's sake, it wouldn't hurt (much) to have my pregnant girth documented in photos. Plus, it's always fun to look at pictures of SOMEONE ELSE'S pregnant belly.
So - that is the veritable cornucopia of wonderment awaiting you in the next few days. Please, try not to wet yourself in anticipation.
But I do want to post a few things in the next few days - so here's a preview of what's coming!
- pictures of the Nut. It's been a long time, and she's too cute for words, and growing so fast.
- pictures of Baby's room - it's ready for a teensy tiny occupant, and I'm super happy with how it turned out.
- a belly picture. I really haven't done this much/at all. But I figure - for posterity's sake, it wouldn't hurt (much) to have my pregnant girth documented in photos. Plus, it's always fun to look at pictures of SOMEONE ELSE'S pregnant belly.
So - that is the veritable cornucopia of wonderment awaiting you in the next few days. Please, try not to wet yourself in anticipation.
Friday, July 31, 2009
disproportionate
I'm often struck by how teensy tiny things can have such an enormous impact...
Sometimes it's a pain in the rear:
Little mosquito bites = big old itchy nonsense
Paper cuts = throbbing little wound that might not heal for days because it keeps getting irritated
Rock in your flip-flop = OW OW OW!
Sometimes it's a good thing:
Driver on the road waves you ahead with a smile = People are SO friendly!
10 minute power nap = a whole new person
Phone call (or even voicemail from a friend) = an extra burst of energy
Today, I am mulling over a couple teeny tiny enormous things... like sleep and quiet moments for my brain.
Wednesday night - Hazel was awake off & on from 1:30 until 4:15... and then she took only one 40-minute-nap (should've been 2 hours at least, given her crummy sleep the night before). By 7:30 last night, I was in tears - exhausted and so emotionally fragile.
Last night - Hazel slept 12.5 hours without a peep, and now she's fast asleep (knock, knock) for her afternoon nap. Right now, I almost laugh at the Me from last night who was so easily unglued. Sleep makes all the difference.
And today - just taking a few minutes here and there to focus my heart and my mind - train them heavenward and allow God to show me a bigger picture - what a change.
Yes, being a mama is tough. Yes, there are days when I want to cry right along with Hazel as she protests having her hair washed AGAIN. Yes, there is nothing quite like being responsible for another human life.
And yet - there is more. There is joy, there is eternity. There is God in all things. There is laughter and messiness and life and perspective.
Sleep and God help me see those things. Just gotta make sure those two things are in my day somewhere, and I'll be okay.
Sometimes it's a pain in the rear:
Little mosquito bites = big old itchy nonsense
Paper cuts = throbbing little wound that might not heal for days because it keeps getting irritated
Rock in your flip-flop = OW OW OW!
Sometimes it's a good thing:
Driver on the road waves you ahead with a smile = People are SO friendly!
10 minute power nap = a whole new person
Phone call (or even voicemail from a friend) = an extra burst of energy
Today, I am mulling over a couple teeny tiny enormous things... like sleep and quiet moments for my brain.
Wednesday night - Hazel was awake off & on from 1:30 until 4:15... and then she took only one 40-minute-nap (should've been 2 hours at least, given her crummy sleep the night before). By 7:30 last night, I was in tears - exhausted and so emotionally fragile.
Last night - Hazel slept 12.5 hours without a peep, and now she's fast asleep (knock, knock) for her afternoon nap. Right now, I almost laugh at the Me from last night who was so easily unglued. Sleep makes all the difference.
And today - just taking a few minutes here and there to focus my heart and my mind - train them heavenward and allow God to show me a bigger picture - what a change.
Yes, being a mama is tough. Yes, there are days when I want to cry right along with Hazel as she protests having her hair washed AGAIN. Yes, there is nothing quite like being responsible for another human life.
And yet - there is more. There is joy, there is eternity. There is God in all things. There is laughter and messiness and life and perspective.
Sleep and God help me see those things. Just gotta make sure those two things are in my day somewhere, and I'll be okay.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
drippity doo dah
It's been a seriously not-hot summer.
One week in June topped 90 degrees. That's it. Most of the time - we're hovering in High 70s, Low 80s Land.
I appreciate it - I really do - because at 8.5 months pregnant, I am STILL SWEATING. I cannot imagine what state I would be in if summer was actually treating us as it usually does.
I knew y'all wanted to know about my body heat issues.
Anyway - having one of those lovely, productive days (which I SO appreciate) and as it's following a very fun & busy day yesterday - I'm just a very happy clam. (albeit a sweaty one). I made some new food for Hazel (who is currently taking her 2-hour-nap for the SECOND DAY IN A ROW) and hope we can get her slightly picky self to eat some new and delicious things... done laundry, did some grocery shopping - all very Mama-ish things to be excited about, but hey. I like a simple life.
At any rate - just wanted everyone to know that although I'm melting into a pregnant puddle when it's 75 degrees out... that there's a goofy old smile on this face.
One week in June topped 90 degrees. That's it. Most of the time - we're hovering in High 70s, Low 80s Land.
I appreciate it - I really do - because at 8.5 months pregnant, I am STILL SWEATING. I cannot imagine what state I would be in if summer was actually treating us as it usually does.
I knew y'all wanted to know about my body heat issues.
Anyway - having one of those lovely, productive days (which I SO appreciate) and as it's following a very fun & busy day yesterday - I'm just a very happy clam. (albeit a sweaty one). I made some new food for Hazel (who is currently taking her 2-hour-nap for the SECOND DAY IN A ROW) and hope we can get her slightly picky self to eat some new and delicious things... done laundry, did some grocery shopping - all very Mama-ish things to be excited about, but hey. I like a simple life.
At any rate - just wanted everyone to know that although I'm melting into a pregnant puddle when it's 75 degrees out... that there's a goofy old smile on this face.
Monday, July 27, 2009
prayer
I am praying for strength, energy and patience.
Strength - there is SO MUCH TO DO... and it's so hard to get it all done. Toddlers, oddly, don't make tasks quicker or easier to complete. Go figure.
Energy - sleep is elusive these days - and after a night of tossing, turning, and getting up to waddle to the bathroom... the Nut awoke at the lovely hour of 4:45am. Yeah. That's what I said.
Patience - Sleep-deprived toddlers are clingy, whiny, easily frustrated and tough to distract. Sleep-deprived mamas are crabby, whiny, easily frustrated and tough to be around. The two of us are quite the pair today, let me tell you.
And so, I pray.
Lord, give me strength to be who I need to be today. Fill me with Your energy and purpose - and allow me the insight to realize what is important and what can wait. Help me choose love and patience over selfishness and exhaustion. And above all, remind me continuously that Your grace is enough for me - enough for today, enough for my daughter, enough for us all to come to the end and still be smiling. You are enough. Praise for that!!
Strength - there is SO MUCH TO DO... and it's so hard to get it all done. Toddlers, oddly, don't make tasks quicker or easier to complete. Go figure.
Energy - sleep is elusive these days - and after a night of tossing, turning, and getting up to waddle to the bathroom... the Nut awoke at the lovely hour of 4:45am. Yeah. That's what I said.
Patience - Sleep-deprived toddlers are clingy, whiny, easily frustrated and tough to distract. Sleep-deprived mamas are crabby, whiny, easily frustrated and tough to be around. The two of us are quite the pair today, let me tell you.
And so, I pray.
Lord, give me strength to be who I need to be today. Fill me with Your energy and purpose - and allow me the insight to realize what is important and what can wait. Help me choose love and patience over selfishness and exhaustion. And above all, remind me continuously that Your grace is enough for me - enough for today, enough for my daughter, enough for us all to come to the end and still be smiling. You are enough. Praise for that!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
two times
It's looming.
A very familiar thrilled-and-terrified-and-impatient cloud hovers above my home, or more accurately, above my head (Eeyore-style, only it's not a gloomy raincloud).
There is a strong resemblance to the wonderings of early 2008 - and yet, it is markedly different.
What will this baby look like? Be like? Is this baby a precious new daughter or a beloved new son? Will I be a good mama? Will I know what to do? What will my life look like on the other side?
Because I have "been there" once before, I know the answers to these questions more clearly than I did before the birth of my daughter... but only in the sense that I *know* I have no idea.
I am standing on the edge of becoming a mama of two. The mama in a family of four.
I am standing on the edge - raising up on tiptoe to peer into beyond, hoping for some glimpse of what is to come, praying that the next few weeks will bring me closer to becoming the woman God has made me to be.
And He is bringing me calm (okay, I know it's the calm before the storm - but it's still a blessed, heavenly calm) - not in practical, day-to-day terms (I have a toddler in the house, folks)... but in my heart. I feel myself beginning to rest deeply. My heart is ready to discover how beautifully it can stretch to hold love for another tiny being. My mind is slowing down, knowing that I cannot plan everything, knowing that the next few months will turn my world upside-down and shake it like a snow globe... but that we will emerge, right-side-up in a world more lovely and intriguing than before.
There have been many, many blessings in my life that have altered me forever.
I love and am loved by a man of God - one who will never leave me of his own accord, in whom I trust completely.
I was given the precious gift and responsibility of motherhood in February 2008 - in the shape of a tiny, dark-haired wiggly baby girl.... who has since become a tiny, blonde-haired wiggly toddler girl.
And now, I get to be a mama again.
What a gift to be allowed to be called "Mama" by one child - to have small, soft, chubby arms wrap around my neck and a little face bury itself in my neck - to look into one girl's sparkly eyes and see love.
But two times? To be mama two times??
I can barely comprehend the treasure.
A very familiar thrilled-and-terrified-and-impatient cloud hovers above my home, or more accurately, above my head (Eeyore-style, only it's not a gloomy raincloud).
There is a strong resemblance to the wonderings of early 2008 - and yet, it is markedly different.
What will this baby look like? Be like? Is this baby a precious new daughter or a beloved new son? Will I be a good mama? Will I know what to do? What will my life look like on the other side?
Because I have "been there" once before, I know the answers to these questions more clearly than I did before the birth of my daughter... but only in the sense that I *know* I have no idea.
I am standing on the edge of becoming a mama of two. The mama in a family of four.
I am standing on the edge - raising up on tiptoe to peer into beyond, hoping for some glimpse of what is to come, praying that the next few weeks will bring me closer to becoming the woman God has made me to be.
And He is bringing me calm (okay, I know it's the calm before the storm - but it's still a blessed, heavenly calm) - not in practical, day-to-day terms (I have a toddler in the house, folks)... but in my heart. I feel myself beginning to rest deeply. My heart is ready to discover how beautifully it can stretch to hold love for another tiny being. My mind is slowing down, knowing that I cannot plan everything, knowing that the next few months will turn my world upside-down and shake it like a snow globe... but that we will emerge, right-side-up in a world more lovely and intriguing than before.
There have been many, many blessings in my life that have altered me forever.
I love and am loved by a man of God - one who will never leave me of his own accord, in whom I trust completely.
I was given the precious gift and responsibility of motherhood in February 2008 - in the shape of a tiny, dark-haired wiggly baby girl.... who has since become a tiny, blonde-haired wiggly toddler girl.
And now, I get to be a mama again.
What a gift to be allowed to be called "Mama" by one child - to have small, soft, chubby arms wrap around my neck and a little face bury itself in my neck - to look into one girl's sparkly eyes and see love.
But two times? To be mama two times??
I can barely comprehend the treasure.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
funnies
Things are returning to "normal" around here (whatever that really means with an 8-month pregnant mama and a sillysweetbusy 17-month-old gal in the same house). Mark is home safe (hurrah!) and our days feel a bit more predictable and patterned.
To keep y'all entertained whilst I'm busy gestating, nesting and trying (in vain) to keep up with my toddler - here's some funny Hazel-isms of late:
- Words used to not have an end consonant for Hazel (milk was mih, nose was no). Now, all words that end in a "k" sound actually end in "key." Now milk = mih-key, sock = sah-key, duck = ducky (this one actually works) - and so on. It's super cute (and yes, there's usually a slight pause between the two syllables).
- The two taboo words in the house right now are "outside" and "car." If you say either one out loud, you've just signed yourself up for at least 5 straight minutes of the cutest gal ever repeating "owt-sah? owt-sah? owt-sah?" or " kah? kah? kah?" in her little high-pitched baby girl voice. She may also bring you your shoes and her shoes, and attempt to put them on. She *loves* to play owt-sah, and *loves* cars - playing in the driver's seat of real cars (parked and OFF, of course) and playing with her Little Tykes plastic car in the driveway.
- She loves to get the mail. This is something she and Daddy usually do when he gets home from work.
- Trying on grown-ups shoes is fascinating as well - she gets a little mad that her tiny feet pop right out when she tries to walk - but it's so cute to see her standing in our big ole shoes.
- This child, she is a dancer. She can wiggle her bum like nobody's business - little shimmies and shakes (her upper body stays still while her little hips go back and forth - it's crazy!!). People ask if I taught her that (yeah, right!) or if she saw it on TV (we really don't watch TV at all). Proof that some people really are born to dance.
- She HATES getting her hair washed. More than anything. Purple faced, shrieking, screaming, thrashing baby monster takes over when it's hair-wash night (thank the Lord we don't feel the need to do that every night!). No amount of coaxing, singing, or fancy-little-face-shielding-plastic-visors make this better. The neighbors must think we're torturing her.
- She recognizes people in pictures now - she saw Nana & Papa on the wall yesterday, then started pointing to the front door (where most people come in), the computer (where we see them on video calls) and downstairs (where they would come from when they were here visiting last weekend). It's super cute.
- When she gets really frustrated, she's taken to whacking herself in the forehead. I'm not sure why, but it's hard to watch without laughing at her. She stands still, crying, then leans over and hits herself in the head. I don't think it's proven to make her feel much better, so maybe it will stop soon.
That's it for now - I'll try to put up a few pictures soon (it's been a long time!).
To keep y'all entertained whilst I'm busy gestating, nesting and trying (in vain) to keep up with my toddler - here's some funny Hazel-isms of late:
- Words used to not have an end consonant for Hazel (milk was mih, nose was no). Now, all words that end in a "k" sound actually end in "key." Now milk = mih-key, sock = sah-key, duck = ducky (this one actually works) - and so on. It's super cute (and yes, there's usually a slight pause between the two syllables).
- The two taboo words in the house right now are "outside" and "car." If you say either one out loud, you've just signed yourself up for at least 5 straight minutes of the cutest gal ever repeating "owt-sah? owt-sah? owt-sah?" or " kah? kah? kah?" in her little high-pitched baby girl voice. She may also bring you your shoes and her shoes, and attempt to put them on. She *loves* to play owt-sah, and *loves* cars - playing in the driver's seat of real cars (parked and OFF, of course) and playing with her Little Tykes plastic car in the driveway.
- She loves to get the mail. This is something she and Daddy usually do when he gets home from work.
- Trying on grown-ups shoes is fascinating as well - she gets a little mad that her tiny feet pop right out when she tries to walk - but it's so cute to see her standing in our big ole shoes.
- This child, she is a dancer. She can wiggle her bum like nobody's business - little shimmies and shakes (her upper body stays still while her little hips go back and forth - it's crazy!!). People ask if I taught her that (yeah, right!) or if she saw it on TV (we really don't watch TV at all). Proof that some people really are born to dance.
- She HATES getting her hair washed. More than anything. Purple faced, shrieking, screaming, thrashing baby monster takes over when it's hair-wash night (thank the Lord we don't feel the need to do that every night!). No amount of coaxing, singing, or fancy-little-face-shielding-plastic-visors make this better. The neighbors must think we're torturing her.
- She recognizes people in pictures now - she saw Nana & Papa on the wall yesterday, then started pointing to the front door (where most people come in), the computer (where we see them on video calls) and downstairs (where they would come from when they were here visiting last weekend). It's super cute.
- When she gets really frustrated, she's taken to whacking herself in the forehead. I'm not sure why, but it's hard to watch without laughing at her. She stands still, crying, then leans over and hits herself in the head. I don't think it's proven to make her feel much better, so maybe it will stop soon.
That's it for now - I'll try to put up a few pictures soon (it's been a long time!).
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
fuzzy
WHEW.
Things have gone by in a bit of a blur the past few days... Mark took off for a trip to Colorado with our YoungLife friends on Friday the 3rd - my parents showed up the same day and spent the past 3 1/2 days taking care of Hazel & I and helping get all kinds of good things done for Baby Preparation (we got a crib bumper, crib skirt, valence and curtain all made, and my dad was able to prime Baby's room so it can be painted).
It was wonderful. They cooked, washed dishes, changed diapers, and told me to sit down. A lot. They left this morning (darn the "real world" and jobs and things) but my sister is coming into town today, to stay until Thursday... then Hazel and I have a zoo date on Friday, and Mark is (FINALLY) home sometime on Saturday.
It's been a bit fuzzy, but good.
I had my 34-week check-up yesterday, and all looks good... I get yet another (my 7th) ultrasound next time to keep checking the amniotic fluid levels around Baby and make sure that the left kidney is still functioning as it should be... and that the right one is just as we expect it to be (backed up with fluid). Good blood pressure, good heartbeat for Baby, and only 26 pounds of extra weight on Mama.
Yesterday was also my 7th anniversary... and for the first time, Mark and I were many, many states away from each other - and out of all reach of communication. He DID manage to leave a card and 7 long-stem red roses with a friend, who delivered them yesterday - that was a sweet surprise. It's so awesome to look back and see how we've helped each other grow - as individuals, as a couple, and in our walks with Christ. What a cool journey... here's to many more years.
I'm going to relax, put my feet up, and enjoy a little summertime feeling for a bit. Hopefully the Nut naps well and lets her mama shake off some of the fuzziness.
Things have gone by in a bit of a blur the past few days... Mark took off for a trip to Colorado with our YoungLife friends on Friday the 3rd - my parents showed up the same day and spent the past 3 1/2 days taking care of Hazel & I and helping get all kinds of good things done for Baby Preparation (we got a crib bumper, crib skirt, valence and curtain all made, and my dad was able to prime Baby's room so it can be painted).
It was wonderful. They cooked, washed dishes, changed diapers, and told me to sit down. A lot. They left this morning (darn the "real world" and jobs and things) but my sister is coming into town today, to stay until Thursday... then Hazel and I have a zoo date on Friday, and Mark is (FINALLY) home sometime on Saturday.
It's been a bit fuzzy, but good.
I had my 34-week check-up yesterday, and all looks good... I get yet another (my 7th) ultrasound next time to keep checking the amniotic fluid levels around Baby and make sure that the left kidney is still functioning as it should be... and that the right one is just as we expect it to be (backed up with fluid). Good blood pressure, good heartbeat for Baby, and only 26 pounds of extra weight on Mama.
Yesterday was also my 7th anniversary... and for the first time, Mark and I were many, many states away from each other - and out of all reach of communication. He DID manage to leave a card and 7 long-stem red roses with a friend, who delivered them yesterday - that was a sweet surprise. It's so awesome to look back and see how we've helped each other grow - as individuals, as a couple, and in our walks with Christ. What a cool journey... here's to many more years.
I'm going to relax, put my feet up, and enjoy a little summertime feeling for a bit. Hopefully the Nut naps well and lets her mama shake off some of the fuzziness.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
a cautionary tale
Today I decided to tackle one of the most disgusting tasks of my adult life.
Surprisingly, it has *nothing* to do with being a mama. It has everything to do with being a homeowner.
For the past few weeks/months/years - who knows? It just seems like for-ev-er.... I've had a battle waging with our dishwasher.
Here's some history:
We built our house in 2004.
We installed a water softener in 2008.
We've had FOUR YEARS of VERY hard water running through our pipes, and through every appliance that uses water.
There's some GUNK in here.
Since the water softener installation, things have gotten better.
But four years of gunk deposit doesn't (unfortunately) disappear on its own. It takes some scrubbing, some scraping, some hacking... and lots of time.
I've cleaned the dishwasher out before (although, as I discovered today - nowhere near as thoroughly as I'd thought).
Can I just tell you that the ICK that builds up in a dishwasher is one of the most stomach-churning things in the world? I was scrubbing and scraping and hacking (and trying to keep my cookies) - and I thought - I have to blog about this. SAVE the others (if anyone out there is as deluded as I am) from the horrors.
And so, I urge you in all seriousness - CLEAN your dishwasher thoroughly at least once a year. It's SO NASTY. I thought about taking a picture of the bad-ness of it... but I couldn't bring myself to share it with the world. I want y'all to still like me.
And now, I head back to the task at hand. And hope and pray that all this work will result in a dishwasher that actually WASHES my dishes clean.
Surprisingly, it has *nothing* to do with being a mama. It has everything to do with being a homeowner.
For the past few weeks/months/years - who knows? It just seems like for-ev-er.... I've had a battle waging with our dishwasher.
Here's some history:
We built our house in 2004.
We installed a water softener in 2008.
We've had FOUR YEARS of VERY hard water running through our pipes, and through every appliance that uses water.
There's some GUNK in here.
Since the water softener installation, things have gotten better.
But four years of gunk deposit doesn't (unfortunately) disappear on its own. It takes some scrubbing, some scraping, some hacking... and lots of time.
I've cleaned the dishwasher out before (although, as I discovered today - nowhere near as thoroughly as I'd thought).
Can I just tell you that the ICK that builds up in a dishwasher is one of the most stomach-churning things in the world? I was scrubbing and scraping and hacking (and trying to keep my cookies) - and I thought - I have to blog about this. SAVE the others (if anyone out there is as deluded as I am) from the horrors.
And so, I urge you in all seriousness - CLEAN your dishwasher thoroughly at least once a year. It's SO NASTY. I thought about taking a picture of the bad-ness of it... but I couldn't bring myself to share it with the world. I want y'all to still like me.
And now, I head back to the task at hand. And hope and pray that all this work will result in a dishwasher that actually WASHES my dishes clean.
Monday, June 29, 2009
we're ba-aack!
It was a wonderful, whirlwind week - and we're (all three/four of us!) home again.
Not much time to post right now - my lovely Nut is WHINING with all her might and I'm still in jammies... but if you really want to - I have a guest post up over at SortaCrunchy today (about natural childbirth and why I made the choices I did).
Check it out!!
Not much time to post right now - my lovely Nut is WHINING with all her might and I'm still in jammies... but if you really want to - I have a guest post up over at SortaCrunchy today (about natural childbirth and why I made the choices I did).
Check it out!!
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