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A little bit of everything and a lot of nothing... but there's always something. My life kinda feels that way these days - so I thought I'd throw in a post that was a reflection of that.First - an update on my 40 Days of Learning Very Simple Lessons:1. God's Word is the very best thing for me. Okay - I've been doing much better with this. Still not quite where I want it to be, but I think that's partly because I need some accountability and someone to talk things through with. (see number four)
2. Less is more. I'm proud of myself here. I've cleaned (pretty thoroughly, at least for me) out my closet and dresser drawers, and there are bags (I will not say how many, as I am embarrassed about my clothing habit) ready to be donated. It's liberating to not have so many choices, and to actually be able to fit all my clean clothes into some sort of home. As opposed to letting my clean laundry sit in a basket because it's too hard to put it away. Ahem. I've also tackled the kitchen pantry, and some bits in our guest room. Our house is in a major transition right now (finishing the basement) so a lot of stuff is out-of-place... I can't wait to get rid of more stuff!
3. Structure is good (at least for me) My Home Management Binder is coming along nicely - I like having a place to keep my "stuff" - lists and goals and coupons and calendars... all in one place. I'm still not totally used to using it yet, but I'm getting there.
4. (added after a Very Simple Lesson the next day) We were made for community. Oh, I could probably use some work here. It's hard... right now, the two people I would consider to be my "best" friends live in different states... IL and NY. One or two other people live in MI, but not exactly close - get-togethers require planning and driving at least 30 minutes most of the time. I have a large number of people here who fall into the friend/pleasant acquaintance/still getting to know each other so it almost feels like we're dating categories... but not people I know well, who know me well... I know that stuff takes time, but it's so hard. For me at least. I'm an independent gal, and I like to feel/look like I have it together (a WHOLE OTHER issue for a whole other post...) so it takes me awhile to get to the point where I'm willing to let my guard down and be really honest with someone. And right now, I need a few more people in my life that fit that category. I'll be praying on this one. Sometimes, it's easier just to cover up a little bit.
PHEW.IF you're still with me... this morning, Hazel and I trudged heaved walked our second 5K... on a golf course... without a paved route... through lush, thick green grass which had been recently watered. Let's just say that I'm totally proud that I finished off-roading a stroller with an almost 6-month-old baby for 3.1(ish) miles in 51 minutes. Without collapsing. And now, I feel kinda like this:
I've also recently become convicted (albeit very slowly - convicted is a word that has urgency to it... mine was a long, drawn-out hearing with a jury that deliberated for days weeks before arriving at a conviction) that I need to ease up. On myself. As a mama. I know many of you have your own perfectionist tendencies, and I know what you're dealing with. This is the toughest job I've ever had, with the most at stake. I want to do it well. But I also want to have fun and enjoy the ride...
And that means that I need to relax in a few other areas... but this post is already waay too long, so that will have to be another chat.Thanks for hanging in there with me.
I swear I'll post an update on my 40 days very soon, but in the meantime - check out this giveaway! Get FREE BumGenius cloth diapers! (these are what I use most often, and I l*o*v*e them!)
About two weeks ago, I proudly declared to my husband that I had skills on par with a professional plumber. I, by myself, with no help, ALONE - had installed the world's easiest idiot-proof Very Difficult and Complicated diaper sprayer in our guest bathroom.Because nothing says welcome like a gadget made to help rinse baby poop down the drain.Okay, so no tools were involved. And the sprayer came with a delightful set of illustrated & labeled instructions which make everything very simple. But still - there is a sense of accomplishment felt when one disconnects plumbing-type hoses & fixtures and puts them back together in a slightly different way... and everything WORKS.This morning, I had my first chance to use the handy-dandy diaper sprayer (I was traveling and not feeling the extra laundry last week, so disposables won out until yesterday). It worked well, but I thought it could use a bit more oomph behind its spray. I tweaked the little knobby-doodad on the toilet (don't know what it's called, but I know it adjusts the water pressure) and decided to check the new oomph-level. I was holding the sprayer about a foot away from my face, pointed directly into the bowl.Or so I thought.A half second later found me kneeling on the bathroom floor and spluttering, having just sprayed myself directly in the face. Right between the eyes. Seriously, I shoulda been a sharp-shooter in the Wild West. The oomph-level, by the way, is just fine.Yup, I'm basically a professional plumber. Let me know if you require my services... my fees are reasonable.
Home again, home again. The baby girl was a trooper-superstar-angel-sweetheart for me on the drive to and from my parents' house this week. I was so nervous - the trip is usually 3.5-4 hours in good traffic (which you never know if you're going to get between mid-Michigan and Chicagoland), and I've never attempted it Solo With Child before. Those of you that have heard the dulcet tones of my daughter's voice know - that trip had the potential to fry my poor, addled mama brains. But she was great. Lots of prayer, good timing, great traffic and some more prayer - and we're back home after 4 lovely days with my family - all in one piece, sanity (relatively) intact. However, the Hazelnut is in full-blown teething mode... bringing with it a whole new level of motherhood joy. We're back in the Land of Sleep in Three Hour Increments. I haven't been in the LoSiTHI since Hazey was about 6 weeks old... I didn't miss it. She's asleep now (praise God) and I'm about to go shut my eyes too. There's more to say - it just needs to wait for a bit. It's good to be back.
6:45 am I can feel the warm, summer-morning sun through my closed eyelids - it's pouring into my bedroom like a golden waterfall. I feel a gentle stirring beside me on the bed, and tiny, warm little feet begin to "walk" their way up my belly. I peel back my sleepy eyelids and pull my surroundings into focus. Disheveled covers, no husband (he left for YoungLife camp last night), pillows everywhere and a gentle breeze is billowing the sheer white curtains in and out, in and out. Right arm tucked under my pillow, I see that nestled into the space created between my arm and my body, lies my daughter. Sparkly blue eyes alight with baby laughter and delight are watching me, and my breath catches in my chest. As soon as our eyes meet, her face breaks into a gorgeous, toothless, drooly grin... and I grin right back. Today, my baby is 5 months old. It is a heartbeat and it is a lifetime. I pray for many, many more months to come. And I pray that I appreciate the blessing of this little woman in my life. My husband has gone to camp with his young disciples... and I am at home with mine. (Hazel and I will be traveling this week in the absence of our Man of the House, and probably not posting much!)
God made us in His image. This, I'm quite sure, brings with it a few very specific character traits/needs/desires. Last night, I was struck by how wired we are for community. How God made us that way.Standing in our church's lobby, chatting with people as we passed each other by... it was so exactly what I needed. I stood with a couple other new mamas, and a couple more-experienced mamas with new babies... and I found comfort, laughter and community. There's really nothing like standing in God's house, talking with friends - it feels so full. Some people are naturally extraverted. They don't need reminders that community is good, that being with people can be so. good. for your soul. My dear husband is one of those people. He loves being with people and seeks to fill our days and our home with community. It's a good thing. Some people, however, are more inclined to introversion - and they need to be sent a memo every once in awhile. Now I'm pretty sure I'm 50/50 - I'm extraverted in the sense that I tend to focus on others, but introverted in that I don't go out of my way to surround myself with groups of people. My relaxing time tends to be quiet and solo.And thus, I fall into the category of Those Who Need a Memo. Which, I would be willing to bet, is one of the reasons God matched up me and Mark as a team. Perhaps God is dropping the hint that I need to add Seek Out Community to my list of Very Simple Lessons...
I generally view myself as an intelligent woman. I "get" things, know some stuff, and have a decent memory. Or so I thought.Lately, I've been struck again and again at how often I am re-learning Very Simple Lessons. Why do they not stick the first second twelfth thirty-second time I come across them?? Because my human-ness takes over. I let it take over. My ability to lay around and twiddle away an afternoon overpowers my desire to get my home organized... My tendency to procrastinate when a job is less than desirable beats up on my sincere wish to get things done... And my selfish, what-about-me? mentality has an uncanny knack for stepping all over my craving to spend time with the Lord and seek His face. I've been taking baby steps (ever since my rant about the house closing in on me) toward conquering (or at least minimizing) some of these tendencies. I know that I can do it. I've kicked the snot out of bad habits before. Here are Three Very Simple Lessons I want to "get." I mean really GET.
1. God's Word is the best thing for me. I know this already - I just don't always live like I know it. So I'm going to put my Bible on/near the couch (my usual nursing spot) and pick it up every chance I get while feeding Hazel. 2. Less is more. My house is full of stuff. So much excess... it's starting to make me sick. Not just because it's cluttery, but because it's so material. I don't want things to be the focus of my days - and it's much easier to achieve that when there are fewer things to manage/clean/pick up/take care of. I'm going to go through, room by room, and purge. At least a surface-level purge. 3. Structure is good (at least for me). I need concrete tasks. I love lists. Goals are great. I've started putting together a Home Management Notebook (thanks, SimpleMom!) I need some time to get it fully-functioning and organized, but I think it will help me keep track of some of those goals, lists and concrete tasks I relish so much.
And so, I'm committing to 40 days of focusing on learning these Very Simple Lessons. Starting today, July 11th, and ending on August 19th. I'll try to keep you posted on the progress as I go along - not so much that anyone out there cares that much about my inability to grasp Very Simple Lessons, but that it helps me to feel accountable. Thanks for listening, internets. Oh, and yes, that is my Very Grown-Up Daughter eating rice cereal for the first time. She's still a little iffy on the whole concept, but for a variety of reasons, we need to get her comfortable with eating cereal by, oh - about August 19th. More on that later.
I feel as though my house is closing in on me. When we moved in 4 years ago, we were coming from a one-bedroom, graduate assistant apartment in a residence hall. It totalled maybe 550 square feet. There was NO WAY I'd ever be able to fill the rooms and closets of this gigantic, enormous, monster-sized, almost-1,300 square foot house! Fast forward to today. Closets = Overflowing Bedrooms = Overflowing Basement = Overflowing Garage = You guessed... overflowing. With creepy, dirty garage things. I want so badly to get organized around here. I want to donate the things we don't use but someone else could. I want to scrap/throw away/recycle the stuff that we don't use and no one else could either. I want fewer things, less clutter.... and I have NO IDEA how to start. That's not true. I have dozens upon dozens of ideas on how to start. I just need to figure out where. The task in my head is mammoth. I need something smaller than mammoth... something more like squirrel or pygmie goat. Right now, my head is swimming with menu planning, closet organization, recycling systems, clothing donations and coupon organizers. I want to do it all. Immediately. (Not a good idea, I know). I've visited fabulous blogs and websites with great, practical tips. I just need to pick one and run with it for a bit. This is what happens to my head when my baby wakes up at 4:20am and doesn't go to sleep again until 7:30. When Mama is wide awake.
If you HAVE seen a circus, and they're looking for a Bald Woman, let me know. My daughter has made it her personal mission to pull out of my head every. single. hair. that is within the reach of her oh-so-sweet-and-innocent-looking but pincerlike chubby hands. As I prize wads of hair out of her little fists, eyes watering, I figure I could at least turn my newest physical, um, attribute to my advantage by joining the cirucs.I jest. I'd totally settle for a county fair.
Seriously, the girl, she is full of tricks these days. She wakes up (usually a bit before Mama wants her to) sing-screeching happily in her crib (until she deems she has waited long enough, then the sing-screech turns a bit sour). ANYthing that comes in range of her hands is grabbed and shoved into her mouth, along with her fingers (on which she often chokes)... and the sing-screeching continues around objects and hands. The toes are new favorite playthings, and although they haven't quite made it to her mouth yet, they do provide hours minutes of entertainment.
She has had her first dip in the pool - and did great. We're thinking the 2028 Summer Olympics. Mark your calendars. (Ignore the faceless Mama in the picture. If her hair
wasn't half gone, she might consider appearing in the picture. In her bathing suit. On her blog. Okay, not true - she's totally glad you can't see her face.)
We'll be on a little hiatus for the holiday weekend. Enjoy yourselves, stuff yourself silly on jello, potato salad and hotdogs, and try to dodge any rogue fireworks.
Mark and I like to say that Hazel has "always been smart." It's the typical, proud-parent, skewed reality thing to say, and it's funny since she's only 4 1/2 months old. But this picture is evidence that she wants to soak up everything she can. Seriously though - our little girl watches things, especially people, with such intensity... it's incredible to imagine how much her little brain is learning with every moment, every experience. And the evidence is clear - she learns new things daily, her hand-eye coordination improves by the second, she sings and talks more and more every day (with new sounds)... and she does it all with such delight. I want to soak up my life the way she does... she does not worry about tomorrow. I want to take note of the moment, for this, right now... THIS is my life. I want to learn something new every day, and not be ashamed or embarrassed if I'm not good at it at first. I want to smile with joy at the people who love me, and settle into familiar arms at the end of the day. I'm still in awe at how much motherhood teaches you when you stop to look for it. (Thanks for the prayers - Hazel had a rough day or two while Mark was away, but is back to her usual cheerful chatterbox self these days. I still think she's teething, but nothing has popped through yet.)
The crying, oh the crying. The not-napping. The Daddy in Atlanta. I think she's teething. I know she's tired. Please sleep, baby.
Mark and I have no pets. We both grew up in homes with pets and while we do not dislike animals, we do not want to take care of animals. In our home. On our furniture. It may be laziness, or it may be selfishness. We prefer to think of it as thoughtfulness for the hypothetical animal that would be our pet - as we're awfully busy, travelly people with a smallish house and very regular-sized backyard. Who wants to be cooped up all day?? We decided that human children would be enough for us - and we were right. :)Tuesday morning Hazel and I left for the grocery store for some much-needed supplies. Apparently being away for 10 days doesn't do much for your refrigerator. As I lugged my little darling down the front steps to the car, I spied a calico kitty. On our front porch. Curled up in our chair. As if she had not a care in the world (she probably doesn't) and as if she lived there (she definitely doesn't).Like so: 
Kitty raised her head, looked at me, and returned to napping. I was impressed. Not exactly skittish. The kitty was so durn cute that I didn't bother shooing it away - I figured she'd wander away on her own. We returned from the store to find kitty still there. Still asleep. Now I'm doubly impressed. Up & down the steps, in & out the front door, and Kitty never stirs. I contemplated feeding the kitty because she's so cute, and because Mark is many states away right now and can't tell me not to. Fast forward a few hours - my child is sleeping. I'm on the phone with my sister, and telling her the Funny Story About Finding a Kitty on My Porch, and I decide to check the front porch again. Kitty is (you got it) STILL THERE. Still asleep. All I can think is, What the hey did Kitty do all night long to need a 5-hour-plus nap on my porch? Kitty finally woke up when my 11-year-old neighbor rang the doorbell a little later. Luckily my young friend knew the kitty instantly (her name is Chloe, and she's oh-so-friendly) and we walked her back over to her actual home. Two doors down. As far as I'm concerned, Chloe can sleep on our front porch anytime. She may be the closest we ever come to having a pet of our own, because diapers + naptimes + laundry + dishes + pet food/pet hair/vet bills??? I just don't think I have it in me.
There are many things about motherhood that have surprised me. Many of those things have brought me joy, a few have brought me to tears, and many have made me laugh. But one of the very coolest surprises about being a mom has been watching my parents love my baby. It's kinda weird because I, you know, grew up with my parents. It's not as though I'm unfamiliar with them or their love. However, I don't really have a whole lot of memory from when I was, oh, four months old, so I had no idea what to expect, really. And as Hazel is their grandbaby and not their baby, things are a little different (or so I've been told). To be perfectly hoenst, I didn't really give it much thought while I was pregnant. I knew they were thrilled and excited, and I knew they'd love her. That was about the extent of it. But seriously - I was not prepared for the way their eyes would light up when they see her. For the endless hours of holding her, talking to her, laughing because the pure joy that was bubbling up could not be contained... Such gentle care, such delight. It's absolutely indescribable to watch. They think Hazey is the best thing since sliced bread, and it rips my heart wide open (in a good way). I pray that Hazel might someday catch a glimpse of how big their love for her really is.
Well, folks... it's happened. Baby B is mobile, agile, hostile (Well, not really agile or hostile, but I'll give a 4-year-old Tootsie Pop to the first person who knows what movie that line is from!) The baby, she is a'rolling. She's been scooting around for weeks and weeks - she has turned herself 180 degrees in her crib, and traversed from one end to the other. But until last Wednesday, she hadn't managed to roll over. To set the stage: At my parents' house, Hazel sleeps in a doctored-up, comfy pack&play in an upstairs bedroom. I sleep downstairs with the baby monitor nearby. Sometimes this arrangement works well, sometimes not. But early Wednesday morning (I'm guessing about 4:30am) I heard a shriek/squeal through the monitor, followed by some lovely baby chatter. A little odd - usually if Hazey's gonna be vocal when she wakes up, it's slightly more distressed than that. I climbed the stairs quickly to try to keep her from waking up my sister and entered "her" room to find her on her back. (If you've been reading awhile, you know I am a Bad Mommy who puts her daughter to sleep on her tummy) She was grinning and just oh-so-proud of herself. Since then, almost every time I went in to get her up from (naptime or nighttime) - I'd find the little monkey all flipped over. And I've gotten to watch her do it 2 or 3 times too - it just may be the cutest thing I've ever seen. Now we'll just have to see if a rolling baby gathers any moss.
As you know, my little family and I went AWOL for the past, erm, 10 days or so. I have about a gazillion half-baked blog posts in my mind from our gallavanting, but alas - you will have to wait until those are slightly more well-done. In my absence, I was tagged for a meme by Leighton at My Best Investments (a very fun blog to check out, by the way) - so here goes. My Six Word Memoir God gave her everything she needed.
Seriously - that's probably the best way to sum up the past 10 days. Things were surprising, mundane, wonderful, tough, easy, funny and full of insights. It was hard to leave my parents' house and incredible to be back home. But through all the big and little ups-and-downs of the week, His grace was sufficient for me. I was struck by how well loved I am by our God - all the time, every day. Whether I notice it, or am grateful for it... He is loving me more than I know, more than I deserve. Anyway - we're all back, we're all safe & healthy, and be sure to hold your breath for some fabulous blogging sure to come in the next, oh, decade or so. :)
We're off on an adventure. Today's destination: Louisville, KY for a family wedding. Sunday's destination: Chicago suburbs, where Hazel and I will stay with my family while Mark goes to Dallas, TX for work... for a full week Next Sunday's destination: home!! Pray for safe travels and good times!
Michigan has seen at least one good, solid thunderstorm every day since Friday. Lightning, rain, big wind, trees falling over... the whole shebang. Thus it was no big surprise when the power flicked off and on last night at about 3:30am. A teensy bit more surprising was when it happened again, fifteen minutes later. On-off-on. Alarm clock blinks 12:00 once more. Far more surprising... the on-off-on-off-on-OFF that happened at 4:00am. No blinking 12:00. No gentle hum of the ceiling fan. Oddly - only silence (no rain or thunder to be heard). What we DID hear... the incessant, relentless, please-can't-I-ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away beep of a smoke detector without a battery. The smoke detector that is about 2.5 feet away from daughter's room. Folks... it's harder than one might think to stumble downstairs, dig through the junk drawer to find a 9-volt battery, stumble back upstairs and help the hubby replace it at 4:00 in the morning... with no power. Mark and I have been known (shhh... don't tell) to rip a certain smoke detector right out of the ceiling and bury it under the couch pillows when it wouldn't stop beeping. With no electricity and no battery. (Anyone ever see the episode of Friends where Phoebe's smoke alarm does the same thing?) Anyway - we got the beeping to stop, daughter slept through the whole thing, and we went back to bed. Serenaded by the gulping, croaky songs of the toads that live in the swampy-pond area behind our house. They are LOUD. Luckily, the rain came in soon after and silenced the froggies. And I realized how spoiled I am by electricity when the power didn't come back on until 4:00pm. It's good to be back.
She's still little. Not quite four months old. She can't brush her teeth, spell her name, or tie her own shoes. But she is watching me. I'll be busy folding laundry (most often, diapers) with her sitting next to me in her bouncy seat. I look up to find her blue eyes focused intensely on me. Sometimes she's smiling, sometimes just observing. She'll watch me put on my makeup or do my hair in the morning. She watches me put my shoes on when we leave the house, and she watches me when she's eating. I know she doesn't understand what she sees yet, and I know it'll be a while before I have a little "mini-me" running around and doing everything I do. But folks... it has me on my toes. Suddenly everything I do is viewed in light of this revelation... that for many, MANY years to come... I will be watched. Closely. And so I will make decisions, not just for me, but for the little one watching. I will try to choose my words, think about my actions, and be deliberate with my time because she is watching. And most of all, I will look to the best example I have of perfection in parenting - and try to shine a little bit of Christ on my girl.
I know lots of things. Some of it is pretty useless these days - like knowing that my high school locker number was D1119, or knowing where the creaky spots are in the upstairs hallway at my parents' house. Some of it has a timely usefulness - I know that Hazel prefers to be held upright, facing the world, and I know that the sliding glass door to our backyard likes to stick on the tracks. And some of the things I know are timeless... but these are the things I tend to (at least temporarily) forget.I know that my days are best started quietly - with breakfast and my Bible. I know that I will have more energy if I make time for some kind of physical activity aside from lugging a 15-pound baby around all day. I know that getting out of the house for a little while each day is totally worth the effort. I know that I can never be enough on my own, that I must rely on my Creator. I know that spending my energy worrying about having my needs met will be more exhausting than focusing on everyone else and trusting God to take care of me. I know that it's really not such a bad thing to unload the dishwasher and fold & put away the laundry - and that it's also not such a bad thing if it doesn't get done. I know all I can do is my best and leave the rest to Christ. These things that I know... they are always true. Circumstances arise that lure me into forgetting... and I always marvel at how easily my silly little brain allows that to happen. Here's to sweet reminders.
