Peace

My grandfather Rodney (aka Papa/Grandpa) got to go home and meet our Savior on Tuesday, May 15th. Mark and I went to Illinois for the visitation and funeral on Thursday and Friday. Mark was a pallbearer(all the grandsons were, with all the granddaughters as "honorary" pallbearers, which really means you just walk behind the boys carrying the heavy casket and kinda feel bad that you're not helping), and I read two passages of scripture in the service. Grandpa was a veteran of World War II, so he had an official military send-off at the cemetery - guns, flags, salutes... it was really cool.
Obviously, everyone was mourning - but it was so cool to look through old pictures and hear my grandma tell stories about how they met and when they were first married. Those kind of things need to happen more often. I found a picture of my grandma in 1947 (she was 22, I think) that looked almost exactly like a picture of me taken a few years back. It was really neat. I think we lose history a lot - old stories don't seem important when your life is so full of deadlines and projects and meetings. But our stories don't mean much without those who came before us - and it was good to remember that.
A co-worker told me this morning that I seemed really peaceful. I feel peaceful. My grandpa is kicking around heaven right now - and that's a very good thing.

pictures from New York

For those that asked (okay, just Julie)... Here are some pictures from our trip to New York (State, not City):










Joshua and Ashley were in a fort (the corner of the room) and a monster (Mike) was after them.









Maggie liked playing in the dirt at the park (and climbing on stairs and shooting off the ends of slides...) She's a tough cookie.










This picture of Timmy makes me laugh. It's his cross between the Emperor-from-Star-Wars and the Unabomber-look.










This is everyone - six adults, four kids, one camera on a timer... not bad!

angels and phones

I think my grandfather is getting ready to trade in his earthly body for a perfect, strong, heavenly body. I don't really think he'll look much like this little angel-guy right here - but I couldn't find a picture of an angel that looked much like my Papa.
He had a stroke nearly four years ago - it left him (for the most part) unable to speak, and completely unable to move one side of his entire body. He's been in a nursing home ever since.
Two things have been running through my mind since I got the phone call last night that it "wouldn't be long."
One - that my grandfather, who has been bedridden for nearly four years - will soon be in a magnificently glorified version of his earthly body. He will be strong, healthy, able to walk - and, of course - he'll be with our Creator, which tops everything else. I found myself praying for that last night - for his release from this world and the life he's been limited to these past years; and thanking God for the eternity that's waiting for him.
Two - Papa (what we all called him when we were little - he graduated to "Grandpa" a few years ago) always carried a knife in his pocket. Not a pocketknife - but one of those retractable blade doo-dads that carpenter guys use. Therefore, he was the one I took every toy to - you know how they package kids' toys in impossibly strong plastic that will sever your bones if you try to break through it yourself. Papa just had to pull out his knife - and that Care Bears CloudMobile was mine to play with ASAP!
It's funny what you remember.
In other news - our office got new phones today, and the funny beeping and new rings have given me an oh-so-slight headache. But it's cool to have fancy new phones.

you know you're friends when...

One way to know you've got a bosom friend:
(since most of you probably have no idea what I'm talking about - I'll provide this for you. You have to scroll down a bit to find the reference)
Kristen (my friend who lives in Rochester, NY) and I met up for a girls-weekend-out back in October. We both drove to London, ON (about halfway between our homes) for a weekend of eating out, shopping, and getting pampered. We had spa appointments (facial for me, massage for her) and then we both got our hair cut.
When I showed up at Kristen's house on Sunday, I commented on how long her hair was getting.

Kristen: Oh, it needs to be cut SO BADLY! I haven't gotten it cut since October, when we were together!
Me: (laughing) Me either.

I've managed to find a friend who is as delinquent in caring for her hair as I am. And for your information - I'm scheduled to get it cut/trimmed/chopped off (I haven't decided yet) next Saturday. The end (of split ends) is in sight!

back to life

Not back-to-life in the "I was raised from the dead" sense... just back to routine, work, and home.

Mark and I left Sunday afternoon for Rochester, NY for a visit with friends who have moved away. Mike and Kristen live in NY with their two boys, Timmy and Josh. Scott and Heather (plus daughters Ashley and Maggie) were visiting family in NY and all six adults and four children (under age 5) spent an amazing two days together. Here are some highlights:

1. Timmy (who will be five in August) writes in full sentences, does Sudoku (a children's version with colored fish, but STILL) and creates perfect pictures on his LiteBrite (yes, they still make those!). Just try to hang around him for four days and not crack up.
2. God gave us absolutely perfect weather for our entire visit - sunshine, breezes, almost 80 degrees... we ate outside at every possible occasion.
3. Ashley (turned four in February) is a lovely, sweet little lady with an angel face, who graciously accepts every SINGLE compliment you give her. It left me wondering when we stop agreeing with people when they say "You are SO good at that!" and start with the whole "No, it's really no big deal, I actually kind of screwed it all up."
4. We (just the grown-up girls) went out to breakfast one morning, and the guys went the next day. I love love love my friends' kids, but it's sooo good for us to spend time together just being friends. I wanted it to go on all day long.
5. Maggie (about 20 months old) is so expressive - smiles that squinch up her whole face, a pout like you've never seen before, and the best head-down-eyes-up-looking-over-my-shoulder-so-coyly look you've ever seen. I wanted to hold her forever.
6. We went to the park, took walks, jumped on the trampoline - and that was about the extent of our schedule (aside from naptimes, bedtimes, mealtimes, and all other manner of "times" that young children will fastidiously hold to)
7. Joshua (turned 3 in February) sang a song about his favorite color (pink) and his second favorite color (purple) - and then turns around and leaps without fear all over the trampoline, the furniture, and anything else he can climb. He's all BOY - with shoulder-length blond hair and a love for shiny, pretty things.
8. I love preparing meals with friends - three or four people make things go so quickly - and even chopping vegetables and washing dishes seems like fun when you're in good company.
9. I got a glimpse of family life - kids running around, minivans, diapers, and snacks. While it looks exhausting, my heart just reaches out for it. Spending time with 2 4-year-olds, a 3-year-olds and an almost 2-year-old may make some people run for the hills. Me - let's just say my heart is so full.
10. It's just so obvious that God is with these people and our relationships. Mark said it well yesterday - it feels like there is longevity and trust - and not so much that we've known each other SO long (although it has been years) - but that you can just tell that we have years and years to come.

It's good to be back to my home and routine - but I praise God for an encouraging, full-of-blessings break.

...not exactly

Here is a snippet of a phone conversation I had last night...

Me: Have you checked on my blog lately?
Sister: Erm... I think about two days ago.
Me: Ooh, you should visit again and check out the pretty picture I posted of the bruise on my leg.
Sister: (pause) You posted B@@BS on your blog?!?
Me: Nooo... it's a bruise.
Sister: Booze??
Me: BRUISE. You're not listening to me. At all.
Sister: (laughing) You're right, I'm really not. Bruise is much better.

Two things I would never am most unlikely to post about. Never say never, right?

pretty colors

To the left, you'll see the lovely flowers my hubby sent to my office on Tuesday. Blue irises and orange lilies - it makes the whole place brighter!!

To the right... this is what my right leg looks like today. The picture doesn't really do it justice - it's a lovely bruise (and a nice sized LUMP) that I gave myself yesterday when I closed the car door across my leg. Real swift, Kate. Just in time for skirts and capris.

with that kind of logic...

Last week I was at a middle school track meet, hanging out with my teenage friends. It was drizzly, gray, windy, and about 38 degrees. CHILLY. Of course, the vast majority of students who weren't running were wearing flip flops or some kind of sandal.
I was explaining to my friend Kelsie the reason their feet are never cold.

Me: It's because you're all growing like crazy. It raises your body temperature.
Kelsie: I didn't know that.
Me: Old people like me have cold feet because we stopped growing a long time ago. Now, I'm pretty much shrinking.
Kelsie: How old are you?
Me: Twenty-six.
Kelsie: (scoffing) That's not old. You're not old until you can no longer reproduce.

You heard it here first folks. Now, on some levels I question the merits of her wide-reaching statement... but when you think about it from a 13-year-old's point of view, her logic is basically flawless.

indoor weather

There is a wind tunnel in the stairwell at work.

I understand that sometimes weather can worm its way indoors - humidity creeps everywhere, like some stealthy frizz-inducing villain. Excessive rain causes ceilings to drip and basements to flood. But how do 30-mile-an-hour winds end up in the 5-story stairwell of a university building?

The good news: I arrive at work every morning with a lovely, windswept hairdo.

The bad news: Due to the ferocious blowings of said wind tunnel, the already-heavier-than-normal fire safety doors (leading from the stairwell to the actual hallways and offices) become leaden. Seriously - the door to the second floor weighs about 275 pounds. Luckily, I work on the third floor - but due to poor planning in the restroom situation in this building (read: there is only one stall in the ladies' room on my floor), I often travel downstairs throughout my day (where the ladies' room has a much less awkward three stalls).

I thought the picture was appropriate, although it reminds me that I only have a vague idea of how those tall wind turbines actually work to produce electricity. Kind of like how my friend D asked me, "What exactly does it mean when they say 'You're in escrow'?" yesterday at lunch. I laughed, informed her I'm still not exactly sure, and told her what little I did know (which pretty much boils down to "The bank takes hundreds of extra dollars along with my mortgage payment each month and dumps it into their own account to pay my city taxes later. And it makes me angry.")

I know. You're marveling at my masterful ability to weave together stories of restrooms, wind tunnels, real estate terms, electricity and fire doors. And can you believe... I don't even have to try.

waking up

In my own humble opinion, the absolute best way to wake up is with sunlight pouring in my window and playing across my face, birds singing outside (not squawking), and the warm body of my husband just a few inches away (or feet - not exactly a snuggler, that one). No alarms - just the delicious feeling of a good night's sleep.

I did not wake up that way this morning.

It was dark, for one thing. To be fair, it's virtually impossible for me to wake up to sunshine, unless it's a weekend in summertime. My alarm goes off at 5:20 most mornings. Instead of hearing birds, I heard rain. Now, I like rainy days and thunderstorms... mostly because it means it's warm enough to rain instead of snow. But the past few days have absolutely spoiled me - I just want sunshine, clear blue skies and lovely spring breezes to continue forever. Hubs was in bed next to me... but we were both making our typical grumbly-early-morning noises. Definitely not enjoying the pure sweetness of waking up next to the love of your life.

However... it struck me this morning (as I dragged my sleepy self around the house) that this is the way God works. This morning, He decided to wake me up and grace me with another day to live and love. He may choose to wake me up with annoying radio banter, or with sunshine and birds, or creepy nightmares, or thunder and rain. While I may have a preference, the end result cannot be ignored - and that is the gift of a life I did not earn, blessings I do not deserve, and second (third, fourth, seventy-fifth) chances. I know this sounds a little like "the end justifies the means" - which is something I don't normally buy into. But maybe with God - it's true.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

At any rate, I am grateful for a new day, and for a God whose grace extends beyond anything I can deserve or even imagine deserving. Thanks, Lord, for waking me up today.

on being known

We all realize, from a young age, that other people are important. Everyone wants to be loved by someone; everyone wants to have friends. But it's only as I've gotten older that I've realized the true extent to which God has created us as relational creatures. He made us to be known.

When I feel lonely or unknown, I have a tendency to feel wimpy. The fact that I am bothered by lonsomeness is a sign of weakness. I ought to be stronger, to have more faith, and to be one of those people who needs nothing more than knowing I am a child of the King. It feels like I'm failing. But I've realized that God's earnest pursuit of our love and devotion is not weak. It is a part of His very nature - a part that cannot be removed without dramatically changing God Himself. And as children of God, we've all been created to reflect Him. The desire for companionship - to be known and loved - comes from the Lord. It's no sign of weakness or failure. I only fall into my sinful human nature when I place the importance of having people in my life above God.

That being said, I've been thinking lately how important it is to have people that know you. Most of us have a number of friends, acquaintances, colleagues - people who care about us... but how many of us have a number of people who know them?

I'll be honest - I could use a few more friends. (I don't know anyone who would honestly turn away more friends, but I've been feeling a little lacking here lately). I like to sit at coffee shops and talk for hours. Going shopping and trying on crazy stuff you have no need of and no intention of buying - a fabulous pastime. I love eating out with friends and laughing until my stomach cramps and tears pour out of my eyes. But these are side effects - things that follow relationships where there truly exists knowledge and love.

Distance makes that hard - because no matter how much you love someone, it becomes tougher to know them when you're not a part of their everyday life. Proximity helps. That's when you hear about all the little things - stuff that seems to trivial to mention in precious emails or phone calls. It can't all be about big, momentous updates. Sometimes it needs to be about the fact that you've just discovered Eggo NutriGrain Blueberry Waffles - and your life will never be the same again. Or that there's a spot on the road in front of your house that now smells a little like Cherry Peach Salsa (mostly because you dropped a jar of it yesterday).

I may well have scared anyone who reads this (all three of you) off of ever wanting to know me... but it still holds true that while God knits each of us together in thrillingly unique ways, He weaves into all of us a need to know and be known.

I'm just saying.

homecoming

Mark and I returned from Traverse City yesterday afternoon - the conference went really well (Mark is SO good at his job - it's always such a cool thing to watch him handle situations, big and small... I'm proud of him!)
I love coming home. I don't love unpacking suitcases or finding expired milk in the fridge or realizing that there's no fruit in the house (a tragedy at 422)... but I love to walk in the door and feel like I'm home. Yesterday was a lovely summery day - warm air, a great breeze, windows flung wide. Sitting on our couch, reading a book - it was such a nice way to relax. I was looking forward to getting to bed early and continuing to catch up on the sleep I didn't quite get to during the conference.
However - I tossed and turned all night, waking up from nightmares of being chased and attacked... there was actually a point when I woke up with my ankle hurting (I had been dreaming that I was hiding from some sort of deranged criminal/killer type person - and in the dream, they were biting my ankle.) Okay, I know that's weird (but it's a dream, people) - but it was unbelievably freaky to wake up with your ankle actually hurting. It made me not want to fall back to sleep, because I was afraid my dreams would pick up right where they left off.
(I'm sure I could psycho-analyze this to mean something about the level of stress I was feeling about coming back to work and my "regular" life, and how badly I need a real vacation with my hubby right now... but I'd rather not. Sometimes, you just have bad dreams).
Here's to hoping I sleep better tonight!

Traverse City, Here We Come

My husband is on his way up to Traverse City this morning, to the Grand Traverse Resort (a lovely place, by the way) for his 8th HOSA State Conference. I'll head up tomorrow with Jamie (a friend of ours, one of Mark's groomsmen, who I would link to, but is a big ole blog quitter). Here are ten reasons why I really love going to the conference:
1. Mark and I had just started dating when he got this job - and I've never missed a State Conference. It's definitely one of those experiences that you can't understand until you've been there to see it - and I love that I've been to every one of them with Mark.
2. We stay in the super suite on the 15th floor - and I get my very own king-sized bed and jacuzzi tub for the first 3 nights. (Mark stays in a separate room, for some very good reasons I won't get into here *smile*)
3. Mark's best friends come to help him out - and seriously - if you judge a man by his friends (and really, you shouldn't judge people at all, but if you did) - Mark is the best guy in the world. He attracts some of the most genuine people I've ever known. It's really fun to hang out with them for a few days each year.
4. I get to coordinate the power point slides for the huge (over 1000 people) sessions each night - I know it doesn't sound like much fun, but it is when you try to flash a slide with the word "poop" on it without anyone noticing. Ah, sophisticated adult humor.
5. Saturday morning, I get hooked up with a 50-minute massage. Oh, bliss.
6. GREAT food. We eat at Traverse City staple restaurants like Don's Drive In, Ponderosa, Red Mesa Grill, and TraVino. I know you're jealous.
7. The teachers can be really fun - I've known some of them for almost 8 years now.
8. If it's nice - we can play tennis and walk around the golf courses. If it's not - we go to the pool, play ping pong, and hit the workout room. And play tennis at the indoor courts. (All on Saturday, after the conference is over, of course...)
9. It gets me out of my own stressful job for a couple of days, and lets me focus on making Mark's job easier and more enjoyable for him.
10. It's such a cool, tangible way to show love and support for people you care about. Coming to work at his conference is really (pardon my use of a slightly cliche phrase) speaking his love language.

I won't be back in town until Sunday, so my blog will be a little slow for the next few days. Enjoy your weekend!!

six degrees of God

Through an incredibly complicated series of blog-linkings (I confess, I like to click on the "Blogs I Read" links of "Blogs I Read" links of the Blogs I Read and see if I find anything good... and I've found some treasures, let me tell you) I've stumbled (correction - God has led me) across an online community of Christian women that blow me away with their humor, candor, and genuine love for the Lord and one another.
Tomorrow (Wednesday, April 18th), BooMama is hosting a love offering for Heather, who recently received the news that she has a (most likely) inoperable brain tumor. Read "About Heather" and "Emma Grace's Story" to witness the journey that God has already led this family on. It's a blessing, to be sure. The strength and faith in her words absolutely blows me away.
Anyway - hospitalization, etc. can be awfully expensive, and Heather's family could use our support. So stop by BooMama's site tomorrow (minimum donation of just $1.00) and show some love.

not-so-little miss sunshine

Funny how some things that we enjoy SO much can actually be a little scary! I was thinking about how lovely it was to see the sun shining all day yesterday... so I googled "sun" to find a picture for today's post. This may sound silly, but I'd forgotten that the bright blue sky and warm seats in our car were provided courtesy of a gi-normous ball of burning gas. Yesterday's soft, warm light seems pretty intense when you look at it this way...

I was thinking that I could make some sort of deep, philosophical connection to the fact that we take for granted the true source of so many things in our lives - but I honestly don't have the energy for it right now. Maybe I'll make a note and blog about it some other time. :)

For right now - I'm enjoying my morning yogurt, catching up on the emails that came in over the weekend, and trying to wrap my poor Monday-morning-head around all the things that need to be accomplished this week.

can you ever just be whelmed?

(Before my post really gets going - who knows what movie the title of my post is from? Don't be afraid to reveal just how many mediocre teen movies you've watched!!)
I think being "whelmed" is my new goal. Underwhelmed sounds like it's always a bad thing - expectations aren't being met and nothing is turning out the way you thought it would. Even though it sounds bad, overwhelmed can be a good thing - if you're overwhelmed with the deliciosity (I like to make up new words) of your Cold Stone ice cream, or overwhelmed by how gorgeous the sunrise was today - but it still sounds like it's about to put you over the edge. A little bit dangerous.
I'd like to be whelmed.
Just the right amount of emotion, experience and passion - enough to wake you up, make you sit back and say "wow - life really can be pretty incredible," and just find joy in the moment.
Lately, I feel like I've been overwhelmed a lot. Big things (not so fun things) have been happening in my life recently, and I've been letting them get to me more than I should. My husband bears the brunt of my self-pity parties when this happens. It's a drag (mostly for him).
So, as of 7:17 this morning, I've decided to aim for being whelmed. For me, that means recognizing that I need feet to fit the path God has for me (not the other way around). It means that I need to allow myself to smile, laugh, and be cheered up - even when so many things feel unfulfilling, frustrating and/or just plain hard. It means that I can find joy in each moment, no matter what.
In case you've been wondering - the title of my blog, "A Heartful of Eternity" comes from Ecclesiastes 3:11.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I love that verse, for so many reasons. I find such profound comfort in the reminder that the Lord makes everything beautiful - in its own time. My occasional dissatisfaction with life/people/circumstances is my heart crying out for eternity - a reminder that we were created for more than this. God fashioned us in His image - and we are programmed to desire our home. And I definitely definitely cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. All I can fathom is my own little corner of the world - so big to me, so small to the rest of the world - yet still so important to God.
That verse helps me focus on being whelmed. So when I have to juggle many things, as everyone does (I know there is no sleep deprivation but such that is common to man... there is no struggle with work but such that is common to man...) - I can remember that juggling is fun - like all other things, it's what I make of it. This guy is pretty impressive - I mean, I've mastered the art of juggling two things at once (you may commence to "ooh" and "aah" at my jaw-dropping skill level).

the unveiling

Welcome to my new blog look!
Susie from Bluebird Blogs did a great job for me - I'm excited about the new look! If you're interested in updating - I highly recommend her - there are lots of different "packages" at reasonable rates, depending on how much "say" you want to have in how the design looks. I left this one totally up to her - and I'm happy!! :)

such passion

When I was home last week, my Mom showed me this YouTube video (who knew my mom messed around on YouTube??)

Now, I took "piano lessons" (read: fought with my mom, who was trying to teach me herself) when I was younger. Honestly, I never got that into it, and I regret that. It would be fun to take it up again. I just don't know that I'll ever love it so much that I'll want to lay my head on the keys while I play.

where, oh where could she be?

I'm here, gearing up for busy season. Or rather - trying to survive busy season. Between my work, Mark's work, WyldLife, and the normal family/friends/life... at least no one can say we're letting the days slip by without making the most of them!
I was in Chicagoland all last week with my family - my dad suffered a major heart attack on March 31st - he is home now, resting, recuperating - and doing awfully well, all things considered. Thanks to all who kept him in your prayers. God was really covering him - it was so encouraging to see!
We had a nice Easter - I spent two of three services at Riverview helping in the nursery, and thoroughly enjoyed the service I attended. Music was awesome, the message was great - and I felt like I was really connecting to Easter and its meaning for my life more than I had been.
The distractions in my life in the past 6 weeks have in some senses made it tough for me to wrap my head around stuff. Praise God for small blessings - unexpected emails, a LOT of laughing with friends at dinner, a chance to chat with people I haven't seen in awhile, and getting to bed early on the weekends. The Lord truly knows what my needs are - and He's got them covered.

bad habits?

That picture totally grosses me out - who can bite their nails that much?? I bite my nails - not as a nervous habit, but when they're looong or snagged or other things - my teeth work as a makeshift grooming device. It's a habit I wish I could drop, as it basically precludes me wearing any sort of nail polish. What about acrylic nails, you ask? Oh, I've tried that too. I rip them off. Once they start getting loose, I tear those nasty little nails right off my fingers. Yes, it hurts. And it looks terrible. Which is why I don't pay someone to glue fake nails to my hands.

What bad habits would you get rid of if you could?

ps. This just in from WKAB - Katie DID get to the grocery store yesterday. She is now in possession of Eggo waffles, yogurt, cheese, and other sundry items. Thanks for your concern.

Breaking News

Good Morning, welcome to the WKAB News at 7:32am. We have a few very important updates for you today.

First up this morning: the weather! It's chillier than yesterday, and still a little rainy. But rain is a good thing, because it means it's too warm for snow!

Also, recent studies show that Katie needs to go grocery shopping. This conclusion is based on evidence that suggests no breakfast foods exist in her home, and that the apple and pear sitting in her fruit bowl have passed ripe and moved on don't-touch-that-it-might-disintegrate. She is also in need of cheese.

In other news, it appears that it's occasionally a very good thing to go to bed shortly after 9:00pm - however, you may wake up at 2:21am, 3:24am, 4:30am and 5:36am. Even if it's your day to *sleep in* and your alarm is not scheduled to go off until 5:50am.

Finally, an hour-long pedicure on a Saturday morning seems to be just the way to kick off your weekend. And springtime in general. We suggest scheduling one today.

god is good

Why is it so easy to forget that God is good? When I survey the world around me with *open* eyes, I'm absolutely floored that it can ever leave my mind for a moment that my Lord is full of grace I cannot comprehend. Here are some things that have brought me to my knees lately...
1. I haven't been very good at concealing the fact that life has been a little rough on me lately. I know the blog has been vague, which leads to some people worrying... Mark told me last night that our friend D asked if "Katie was okay." I don't talk to D often (really ever - we pretty much just exchange birthday emails), but apparently she reads my blog enough to know something's been up. (I read her blog too, but she's had the same post up for months now... *ahem*) :)
I'm okay - I've deliberately been vague because, although blogs beg a sort of strange intimacy, there are some things I just didn't feel like posting on the internet.
2. I came to work yesterday to find an email from a friend I've known for nearly 7 years - we don't see each other a whole lot anymore, but we read each other's blogs, and keep up on life in general. She'd been thinking about me a lot lately, re-read some of my blog entries, thought it was clear that I was struggling through something, and (although she knew none of the details) sent me an email that so clearly spoke to what I was going through that God's great power and love gave me chills.
3. My hubs gets a daily devotional email (or two or three) and he shares them with me once in awhile. The past three or four ones he has shared have spoken so directly to me that I had to stop and collect myself a little. Today was yet another instance of that.
When I am at my loneliest, most vulnerable... He sends the most unexpected joys my way. How can I ever pretend that I am not wholly cared for? His power is made perfect in my weakness - and although I really detest being weak, He shines so clearly for me in those moments that I have to praise Him for those too.
I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.—Philippians 1:6

i need to work out

I went for a walk with Mark yesterday - I'm not sure how long the route that we walked really is - but mapquest says 4.84 miles roundtrip.
Today - the part of my legs that connects to my body is in pain. I know that almost 5 miles is a long walk. But still. We moseyed - we sauntered... we only got a little sweaty, and that's because it was so beautifully warm outside.
I'm a wuss.
Conclusion: I need to work out more often. Even if it's just taking a 90 minute stroll around downtown Mason.

a meme for Monday

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:29am on the clock in our bedroom… which is actually 5:19am everywhere else in the Eastern Time Zone.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds – somehow the pearls speak to a level of refinement I just don’t possess. I like sparklies.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I don’t know if I’ve ever been to the cinema. But the last movie I saw at the theater was, um… Music and Lyrics. (I had to check and see which movies have been out recently)

4. What is your favorite TV show? I watch Friends on DVD, Gilmore Girls on DVD (not the current episodes) and Scrubs on DVD. I don’t watch much current TV – although I caught one episode of the “Grease” reality show, and thought that was fun. I like singing and dancing.

5. What did you have for breakfast? Apple – all sliced up.

6. What is your middle name? Anne.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mmm… we like Italian, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, American… I even had Hungarian a few months ago, and it was also VERY good.

8. What foods do you dislike? Onions… oysters… that’s about it.

9. What are your favorite chips? I like the Baked Ruffles. And the Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? I’ve been listening to a lot of Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits. Old school all the way.

11. What kind of car do you drive? A Nissan Versa Hatchback. I’m in love with it.

12. Favorite sandwich? A club, I guess. I like melty cheese.

13. What are characteristics you can’t stand? Unreliability, rudeness, self-centeredness. I’ve been known to display all of these at one time or another. Or another.

14. What are your favorite clothes? I love my Old Navy sweatpants – they’re two sizes too big, and I could live in them. Otherwise I like comfy skirts and gauchos in the summer – I like comfy, soft, moderately stylish… and if I can be barefoot – even better.

15. If you could go anywhere on vacation where would you go? I’d love to go to Australia with Mark… back to Europe with Megan… to the beach/on a cruise with anyone who will come along…

Where is sixteen? Sliding away into the past… with all my baggy tshirts, scrunchies, and the 1985 Chevy Celebrity I drove back then.

17. Where would you want to retire? A house in the mountains on a lake in North Carolina or Tennessee – in a small town but about 30 minutes from a big town. Not too picky, huh?

18. Favorite time of day? Mornings – once the sun is up. And sunset in the summer.

19. Where were you born? Bolingbrook, IL.

20. What is your favorite sport to watch? I can handle college football – I like baseball in person (mostly because of hot dogs and peanuts and things like that) – and I’ll watch MSU play hockey – or the NCAA tournament.

21. Coke or Pepsi? Whichever is on sale, although I try not to drink much of either.

22. Beavers or ducks? No thanks.

23. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Morning – once I’ve had a shower.

24. Pedicure or manicure? Pedicure. I pick at my fingernails… getting a manicure is about as useful as flushing $35 right down the toilet.

25. What did you want to be when you were little? A mommy, mostly I think.

26. What is your best childhood memory? Messing around with my siblings I guess – at grandmas, at the pool – wherever.

27. Ever been to Africa? No…

28. Ever been toilet papering? I don’t think so (that’s pretty sad that I can’t remember…)

29. Been in a car accident? Only a couple minor fender benders until about 6 weeks ago. Then I totaled my brand new car. God kept me (and the other gal) very VERY safe.

30. Favorite day of the week? Saturday – work is over, and it’s not almost Monday.

31. Favorite restaurant? I love going to the Peninsula Grill near Traverse City… but we go to Smokey Bones a lot too.

32. Favorite flower? Roses.

33. Favorite ice-cream? Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia.

34. Favorite fast food restaurant? *hides* I’m a sucker for McD’s – I know it’s gross, but sometimes, it just tastes SO GOOD.

35. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? Once – although we did some research, and my teacher failed me for something that isn’t actually illegal. I passed for real the next time.

36. From whom did you get your last e-mail? A student in the program I coordinate.

37. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Never ever ever would max out a credit card… but probably could do some real damage at Ann Taylor Loft.

38. Last person you went to dinner with? My sister and I picked up Jimmy John’s subs this weekend and brought them home to eat. Does that count?

39. What are you listening to right now? Big Shot by Billy Joel (told you)

40. What is your favorite color? All of them.

41. How many tattoos do you have? None. Although I just had a dream that I was going to get one. It was weird.

42. How many are you sending this Email to? No one – it will be posted on my blog, which is read by about 4 people.

43. What time did you finish this e-mail blog entry? Dunno – I’m not done yet.

44. Favorite magazine: Real Simple

45. Coffee or tea? Coffee – although it has to relatively doctored up… I ordered a decaf tall easy vanilla nonfat no-whip Cinnamon Dolce latte at Starbucks this weekend. YUM.

46. Do you tan easily or burn easily? Burn. Then peel. Then freckle… then the cycle starts over.

47. Do you color your hair? If so, how often? Nope – I go with the natural mousy brownish color. It’s irresistible.

48. What was the first car you ever purchased without the help of your parents? The Nissan Versa I currently am driving.

49. What is your most dreaded household chore? Gosh – I detest dusting. I’m no good at putting away clean, folded laundry (don’t mind the other steps of the laundry chore). I’m sure I could stand to clean the corners of the kitchen more often. And I’m miserable at pulling weeds. Good homemaker, I am, huh??

50 Who do you tag to complete this meme? Whoever wants to. I’m too wishy washy to actually tag anyone.

I <3 sunshine!!

When I first moved to Michigan, people talked about Seasonal Affective Disorder (appropriately acronymed SAD) - where in the 11 months of the year that it's cloudy (ok, a slight exaggerations), you actually experience an emotional response - depression or sadness... I thought it was kinda crazy. Yeah, it's more fun to have the sun shine, but does cloudiness REALLY make people depressed?
YES.
I don't suffer from SAD as much in the sense that I'm depressed in the winter as that I notice a marked change when the sun comes out and spring shows up. My mood is SO MUCH BETTER on days like today (almost 60 degrees, sunny) than on yucky mucky winter days. I love it. Plus, I'm driving to Chicago tonight to visit the family, and it's much more fun to drive when the weather is nice. Makes being in a car for 4 hours as enjoyable as possible.
So have a great weekend - enjoy the sunshine and the springy weather!!

where have i seen that before??

My little sister had a fun quiz on her blog today... and I scored as high as anyone did (although I'm not sure I think the test was totally fair....). So I'm copycatting her, and posting one of my own. Have fun!!


Create your own Friend Test here

prayer of my heart

When I was growing up, we had crocus lining the front walk - they were always a good (and welcome) signal that spring was coming. Mark and I don't have any at our house now, but there's something in the air that feels like spring may be starting to get serious about showing up. It's supposed to be sunny and 41 today - not super warm, but sunshine is always welcome, and is just as much a sign of spring in Michigan as rising temperatures and little purple flowers.

I've been neglecting my blog a little bit lately, and that's been deliberate. It's been a really rough week or two (a rough winter, for that matter) and I felt like the only thing I would do if I blogged was complain. And I don't want to do that. Whining about the tough stuff won't make it better or easier.

Lord, You are faithful. You are constant. I praise You for being Lord of my life, and for gently reminding me that You are good - through good times and bad. The circumstances of my life do not change Your holiness, Your incomprehensible grace for me. I know I am resting safely in Your hand, and though my life feels so very out of my control, that You are guiding me. You have never left me. Lord, I thank You that You can be seen in all things - in joy and in sorrow. Thank You that when I am weakest, Your strength is made perfect. I am learning the secret of being content in all circumstances - You know that I'm not very good at it yet, but I am learning. Father, I praise You for Your bigness - that You cover all things, and in You all things hold together. Hold me together, Lord. Thanks for little joys - I will treasure those up and store them, knowing that every good and perfect gift comes from You.

Rough Road

I've been absent from my blog for awhile, aside from the obligatory, low-effort collage I put up yesterday afternoon. It's been a rough week... work's had its challenges, our calendar has been pretty full, and my general emotional state has taken a bit of a beating.
I'm looking forward to this weekend - it'll be busy, but with some good stuff I think. It'll be nice to have my mind and time occupied, and I get to hang out with Mark (one of my favorite past-times) and some other really fun people (middle school friends!!) and maybe catch a movie. If I get to have popcorn at the theater, it'll be just a gold-star weekend all-around.
On top of that, the average high temperature for the next 10 days is 49.1 degrees. To some, that may not sound like much - but in Michigan, where we are beset much of the year with dreary gray skies and arctic winds... it sounds like a little piece of heaven. And 7 of those days show at least partly sunshiney days predicted. That's a good deal, little lady.

interesting

I found this online - and I thought it was kinda fun. Some of it is accurate (almost scary how much it sounds like me) and some of it isn't. But it makes for a pretty blog post!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

good weekend

I got to do a lot of relaxing, a lot of laundry and cleaning (yup, it's possible to do both), hang out with 10 funny toddlers in the nursery at church, talk to some people I love on the phone, and spend some quality time with Mark's family at our nephew's birthday party. No pedicures or spa time - but things wound up getting a little crazy (in a good way) this weekend. I just ran with it.

Here's to a busy, but hopefully really productive and rewarding week. Spring break is over at MSU, and the students are going to come flooding in soon. I'm on guard!! :)

isn't it funny

I am not a self-professed "morning person". I imagine that "morning people" jump eagerly out of bed, anxious to start the day in the wee small hours of the morning. Not I. I prefer to sleep until my body wakes itself up (which these days is no later than 8:30, unless I'm sick). When I do get out of bed though, all it really takes is a shower for me to be up, chatty, and ready to go for my day. Dear Husband Of Mine is in NO WAY a morning person. He wakes up slowly, not talking much until 9:00 or 10:00 if he can help it. He just *loves* my talkative morning persona - when I asked him if it was endearing or irritating, he replied, "I take the 5th." How diplomatic of him.
This morning, I woke up in a really good mood. I've often wondered what it is that makes that happen. Why do I wake up some days, wanting to steamroll anyone and anything that deigns to get in my way or ask something of me? Why do I wake up other days practically grinning - almost irritating myself with my own dad-gum cheeriness?
I have no answers - but I do know that the snow is melting (for the 87th time since last week) and the sun is shining and WeatherBug says it's going to be 45 whole big fat degrees outside tomorrow! In Michigan, spring isn't really reliably "here" until it's officially summer... but I do enjoy these glimpses.
Got a semi-relaxing weekend coming up, and it looks like Mark may be gone tomorrow night and all day Saturday - any ideas what I can do to keep myself busy?

seasons of life

Usually, when I think of seasons of life, I think of big, long expanses of time. "Seasons" like ChildHood, Teenager, AdultHood. Today, I'm thinking of my "seasons" as more realistic chunks of time... and I'm overjoyed to report that I feel like I'm coming out of a really rough, cloudy season.
The past few months have burdened me emotionally: with questions about ministry and my spiritual gifts, admitting that God is in control of my life and not me, feeling some intense relational voids, and struggling with being in the Word and in prayer as I ought to be. Of course, throw in totaling my brand new car, and my goose was pretty well cooked.
I've had some good time to think and pray lately, and had a great conversation with Mark on Thursday night, and as a result, God's really been churning things in my heart. The sun is breaking through the clouds on some of those issues. He's made it clear that I really need to embrace the life and the roles He's given me today, and do so joyfully. I'm making progress. I know that He knows the desires of my heart - and that it's okay for me to have those desires. But it's not okay for me to let that keep me from the life He died to give me.
The life I have right now may not be the one I would draw up for myself if I was given the paint. However, my artistic skills are nothing compared to my Lord's - He can fashion a life more intricately woven with love, challenge, laughter, sorrow, joy, wisdom, pain and contentment than I could ever dream. A life where He is the center. I need to teach my wandering heart that my treasure lies in Him - not in the things of this world or in the plans that I have for myself.
His grace is sufficient for me.

am i mean?

A student just left my office - he was looking for someone to tell him what elective to take this summer. This is a guy who is 6 credits away from graduation (ie. I would expect him to have an understanding that he is in control of his education, and has his own opinions). He has one required class left, and one elective to take.
He sat in the green office chair next to my desk and stared at me when I asked him, "Well, if I said to you 'You can take ANY class you want,' where would you start looking?"
He had no answer.
After rephrasing two or three times, he said, "Spanish?" (a question, not a statement)
We looked at Spanish courses - the times didn't work for him, and he immediately said so, then stared at me expectantly.
After 10 minutes or so, I got him to realize that (I think) it really is best to think about what kinds of things you'd like to learn about (and pay a lot of money and spend a lot of time on) and look for courses in those areas. I'm not trying to be unhelpful - just the opposite - I want him to have courses on his schedule that he wants and is interested in.
I finally said to him, "I wish I had a file labeled 'Good Courses for Dan' - but I don't. You're the best one to answer that question."
He seemed awfully disappointed in the service he got today. I feel a little bad about that - but how are you supposed to recommend courses to someone you met 30 seconds earlier, who won't give you any input into their likes, dislikes, or interests?

my yummy weekend

So much better than last weekend... I watched 4 hours of high school wrestling on Saturday, then made tacos and enjoyed dinner and 2 games of Settlers (Seafarers, actually) with Mark and our friend Scott. The three of us polished off twenty-four cookies without breaking a sweat (okay, that last part might not be true... the last 3 (one for each of us) were a little tough to manage. Somehow, we fought through).

Scott and his family live in Tulsa now - but we've known them since Scott was in med school at MSU 5 or 6 years ago. We had a blast. I really wish Liz and the kids could have been there - we laughed really hard, caught up on life in general, told stories, and just relished the way God builds relationships and protects them from time and distance.

Sunday was church, then lunch with Scott - then Mark and I drove to Detroit to pick up Brooks and Abbey (they were in GA looking for jobs this weekend) - and we had a really fun dinner with them at the Texas Roadhouse. Ate way too much again. It's the kind of place where I KNOW I will eat until I get a bellyache - and I do it anyway because it tastes so good. You can throw your peanut shells on the floor, the rolls come with cinnamon butter, and they put three cherries in my Cherry Coke. What else could you want, I ask?

Praise God for blessings - little and big. And for moments that remind you that there is more than this life - but this life can be full of love, laughter and joy.

sunshine

Yup - it's February, it's Michigan, and despite all odds - I see the sun! And I have seen it every day this week!! I also see muddy patches of brownish-green grass where the icy snow-slush has melted away. Gosh, spring is such a magical time. :)

Life is moving along much like normal this week - no firm word yet on the status of the car, although it's looking like we may be car-shopping again in the near future. I don't think we can get the same amazing deal twice in a row, but hopefully I will drive the car for more than two days, and it will thus be worth the extra money.

As much as car accidents stink, and as NO-FUN as this week has been, I realized on Wednesday that I prefer my adult problems to the troubles and pains that teenagers deal with regularly. I spent some time hanging out with one of my 8th grade friends this week - she is dealing with feeling left out, boy troubles, friend troubles... she is such a lovely, sweet-hearted girl and I love her to bits. I sat and watched her as she poured out some of these troubles - her face was so earnest. I wanted so badly to let her know that it WILL get better. I tried to listen, comfort, make her laugh, and give her some ideas about how to approach some of these situations - but I have no idea if I was effective. Hopefully, she at least felt loved. It's strange to realize that you'd rather total your car than deal with that kind of heartache.

It's been a tough winter - but I can see that spring is around the corner, and that makes me smile.

my not so fun weekend

I left work at 4:30pm on Friday, all excited for a semi-relaxing weekend - get some laundry done, visit with friends, and enjoy a fairly open schedule. By 4:45pm, my plans had changed fairly drastically...

My beautiful, shiny, new blue car and I were in a fairly major accident just minutes after I left the office. No one was hurt (just general soreness and neck pain that are pretty standard with car accidents), but my car was in pretty sad shape. Not sure if it's officially totaled or not - the auto body place is supposed to get back with us sometime today. I'm hoping that the engine wasn't really damaged and that it's just going to take some extensive body work and a new airbag to fix 'er up again.

I've been in a couple very minor accidents before - the kind where there was really no damage done and insurance companies weren't even notified - so this was a new experience. I was shocked, scared - and had a really sick feeling that my lovely new car was in such condition after 2 days. So much for me feeling comfortable driving a new car around.

At any rate - everyone is OK - hopefully I'll be posting soon to tell you that they'll be able to return my car to me someday, all put back together again. In the meantime - drive safe, look both ways (3 or 4 times, just to be sure), and pay your insurance bill!!

Okay, so I'm easily pleased...

*warning - you may think a little bit less of me after reading this post... but I don't care! :)

Yesterday was quite the adventurous day for me - I picked up the loan check and cashier's check from the credit union at lunchtime, and once my meetings were done for the day (around 2:45), I left work and headed for the Jeep dealer in Mason. (I only work a half day on Wednesday because I work longer hours the other days - I'm not playing hooky or anything). I paid for a new car, signed bajillions of papers, met Kevin the service-center guy - the whole car-buying shebang. And I did it all by myself.

I know how juvenile that sounds - believe me. The echo of 5-year-old's glee is not lost on me. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm kind of excited that I researched and bought a car largely on my own (Mark is more than instrumental in the funding and the negotiating side of things, don't get me wrong. I'd be buying a 2000 Ford Focus if it wasn't for him).

And here is my lovely, pretty blue new car:

The gargantuan snow drifts in my driveway and on my steps prevented me from getting a great angle - but you get the idea. I love it. Although right now (and probably for the next couple of days) driving it absolutely terrifies me. It's new and shiny and has 85 miles on it and I'm not used to it. I'll get over it soon, but for now, it makes me nervous. It handles beautifully, doesn't make funny noises, everything is functioning... I'm a happy gal!

L is for Love (it's okay, you can throw up a little)

These are the lovely roses my dear husband had delivered to my office yesterday. It was a big surprise - we don't usually make much of a deal out of Valentine's Day. It's always fun to get things at work, though - everyone's either jealous (the other ladies), or intimidated (the men who think "I should have done that for my wife"). They're kind of blocking my view of my other monitor, but I don't care. I'd rather look at pretty red roses anyway.

Busy day today - this morning I got up early and put an apple pie in the oven (we have a Valentine's potluck at work today), after work I have to run to the credit union and pick up our loan check, drive to the dealer, get the whole car thing straight (I'm a little nervous to do all this without a wingman - Mark can't join me today). And last night I didn't get to sleep until almost 12:30. I'll probably go home and take a nap (although I want to get a little workout in if I can) when it's all said and done. Aside from flowers and a new car, we don't have big plans for V-Day.
Wishing you joy and love this day - may you (and I) remember our Savior, whose love for us cannot be surpassed.

coming attractions...

Tomorrow I'll put up a picture of the gorgeous red roses that are adorning my desk (that's my hubby!!).

Thursday I'll be posting a picture of my new car! :)

You'll just have to manage to hang in there until then!

learning things

I've always liked learning things, enjoyed using my brain for things, always been kind of a bookish, school-nerdy type of gal. Fifteen or twenty years ago, you'd probably find me checking out 8 library books per week, or wandering around my yard, lost in some complicated imaginary game/role play I'd made up (along with my sister and my friend Anne). And while I love physical activity, and using my hands - my brain is the one muscle (ok I know it's not actually a muscle) in my body that never shuts down.

It's still true today that I love to read, love to think about things, love to learn... but it seems that the things I am learning are much tougher than they used to be. I thought trigonometry was tricky, I didn't really care much for physics, and learning all the capitals of all the states was a downright pain. But that's nothing compared to learning that I am not in control of my life, learning to hand over the reins to God, learning what it means to live a life that is tied to God's word. There are moments (minutes, hours, days...) I catch myself thinking, "I'd gladly dissect a frog, find the acceleration of a tennis ball as it's launched across the room, or conjugate German verbs... gladly do any of those things, rather than learn this particular lesson."

But what I realized is that I used to be learning information. It was knowledge - it's concrete, and factual. It's good, it's valuable, and I still like it. But today's lessons focus on wisdom. I can't read someone else's wisdom and have it take root in my heart. I have to live, learn, pray, wrestle, pray more, talk, make mistakes, try again... The really cool thing is that I can feel the roots growing deep. I may not remember the atomic numbers of the elements, or where exactly the Euphrates River is on a map... but the wisdom I'm growing these days is imprinted on my heart. There's not much of it yet, but it's slo-o-owly increasing... and it's permanent. Praise God for the way He grows us into His plans for us - for tough lessons, for love that passes all understanding. And for the fact that a proud, selfish, naive, short-sighted, impatient gal like me can walk along a narrow path toward wisdom - only because she is holding tight to the hand of her almighty Creator.

my weekend

I had quite an adventurous weekend - the windchill was about 20 below zero, the snow was knee-high in many places, and I was responsible for a cabin of 15 8th grade girls. It was incredible. The sheer exhaustion and the near-frostbite I experienced paled in comparison to the joy of spending my days and nights with these ladies. They are funny, warm-hearted, mature, silly, serious and spontaneous all at the same time.

There were many moments that left me speechless - more than one that moved me to tears - and uncountable ones that are tattooed on my
heart. Praise God!

This is the whole group we took from Greater Lansing - over 80 kids!






My sumo friends, Christy and Sara!







Our cabin after less than 24 hours at camp...







Most of the girls, hanging out before dinner!

The 'Seller

For those of you who aren't intimately familiar with Mason, MI (the county seat of Ingham County) - we're almost 8,000 strong, our mascot is the Bulldogs, and there is an achingly quaint town square in the center of town, surrounding the courthouse. The square is lined with all the appropriate businesses - a fabric store, lawyers, hairdresser, ice cream parlor, drug store, and (one of my Personal Favorites) a small bookstore/coffee shop called Bestseller's. Up until a few months ago, Bestseller's was not open on Sundays, and they still close at 7:00pm most nights. But it has fabulous small-town charm, free wi-fi, and really cute glasses to serve their signature coffee drinks (Mason Mocha, anyone?).

Yesterday afternoon, I pulled up in front of Mason Middle School a little before 2:30pm - joined the endless line of minivans and station wagons with moms at the wheel. My friends Christy, Huntar and Natalee jumped in the car, and we were off to the 'Seller. We had yummy drinks, cookies and muffins, we took a quiz from GL magazine "Are You Too Nice?" We played with the wooden train set in the children's book section and read out loud to each other. It was amazing. I've known these girls since they were in 6th grade - and to watch them today... my heart was overwhelmed. They're funny, they're observant, they're warm-hearted - and they're turning into such delightful, impressive young women. I'm so honored to be their friend.